well, monday night was...unexpected. I found myself with no one to see rilo kiley with, so I just drove to carrboro to offload my tickets (I sold one, but not both) and back home. thought of calling charles, since he's also a fan, but he probably wouldn't have gone anyway. everyone else was just plain tied up for the evening.

found a sofa, yay! and stephanie's taking the old stuff off my hands. I'm going to see if they can deliver it on saturday.

got a swank new cell phone. it be havin a camera and shit.

I really, really want to see the movie bright young things, but it ain't playing here yet. if anyone reading this is in a more cosmopolitan area than greensbohemia, please go and tell me how it is.

peace out.

I just read that belle and sebastian is one of parker posey's favorite bands.

dude.

ah, what a lovely couple of days. went to justin's bel canto concert on saturday, which was smashing as expected. out with him, rachel, josh, and heather (!!!) to friday's later that evening. yesterday off to asheville for dinner and to deliver rachel back to unc-a. she has a darling pet hedgehog now. I've always wanted one.

as for today, justin has been very naughty and taken a day off work to lie around with me and run errands. talk about nice surprises! later, this jet setter is off again to carrboro for the rilo kiley show.

tis shower time.

saturday's here and so is my long weekend! off work on monday to see rilo kiley. beautiful.

I was unaware that saint bernards were still used to rescue people in the alps. well, they are, but they haven't rescued anyone in 50 years. so the group of monks in charge of the dogs is putting them all up for adoption. wow. best Christmas present ever, people. hint, hint.

random observation of the day: some people aren't sexy until you hear them laugh.

office mayhem: nadine and I spent 20 minutes trying to think of the name of the quidditch announcer at hogwarts (lee jordan). finally we had to seek out ginger, the administrative assistant, who knew--more proof that she is an invaluable asset to the o.d. team.

wow, that was a lame story. I apologize.

speaking of lame stories, think I'll go catch a few minutes of degrassi.

I'm starting to find it disheartening that, in the generally articulate world of national politics, both "flip flop" and "flip flopper" have worked their way into the working vocabulary of the--gulp--punditocracy.

just needed to share.

it wasn't the best night at work. we got quarterly evaluations, and I didn't get the raise I was expecting. well, I guess I just have to work a little harder.

and my job has become such a conundrum. I like it, and I love my salary. and honestly, I've started to think that wouldn't bother me to do it indefinitely. but the world doesn't keep my hours, and I feel like everything's just passing me by. I don't know what to do anymore--if I ever did.

yep, it's been one of those days.

marvelous weekend. tate street festival with justin and nadine, indian food to follow. sunday was shopping at southpoint (nordstrom in particular) and cheesecake factory. the weekend's highlight was my confession to justin. yep, the l-word, and make no mistake about it. imagine me saying it first! meaning it and everything. but I've seen enough to know wonderful when it's staring me in the face. with its beautiful eyes. okay, I'm going to stop before I get into "middle school girl" mode and start tracing names on notebooks.

sorry, snapple sub zero. I love ya, but tropicana twister raspberry lemonade has surpassed you as my fave bottled beverage. it's astin-tastic (a dumb and annoying expression that I keep using anyway).

must buy new furniture this week. not look, not pick out, but buy. I just don't have time to go traipsing all around the triad looking for THE perfect sofa that's within my budget AND is made in n.c. so I'm hitting three stores max and getting something already.

I think I'm going to scotland next summer for the edinburgh arts festival. it just occurred to me as something that I really want to do. but hopefully I'll have bought a house by then, so my budget may not allow it.

I dozed off on justin's futon an hour ago and had some dream involving the city of south el monte, california. maybe I can pick up with that now and find out what the hell that was about.

I have stone lions on my mantle.

life is good.

before I get on to the main post...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

and now, the top five things that have recently begun to irritate me:

1) car washes turn their bill changers off at night. this inconveniences me to no end.
2) my apartment is being taken over by giant mutant crickets. some mysterious radar always leads them into one of the many plastic grocery bags lying around the apartment, where they make incredibly loud rustling noises that sound like rats scurrying around.
3) this is over a year late, but I really, really miss fresh samantha. best juice drinks ever. stupid odwalla discontinuing the whole damn line of em.
4) hotmail's lack of support for any browser but IE. I'm teetering on the edge of going back to a yahoo address--I'll keep everyone posted.
5) lindsay lohan. in general.

must get to bed; the whole department has had to go in at 5 every day this week, which has fucked over my sleep schedule. one day I'll get my full eight hours again, and what a day it will be.

so josh and I saw wilco in raleigh saturday night. excellent, as always and expected. they didn't play most of the songs that I'd really been aching to hear, but the asheville show would have been hard to top as a jeremy pleaser.

over the past few days I've had a couple of revelations that have really altered my outlook on life. seriously. I now realize that, after 23 years of feeling inferior most of the time, I've developed a genuine superiority complex. and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. in fact, I'm going to start introducing myself thus:

"I have better taste than most people. I'm probably more intelligent than you are, and I'll only be feigning interest in 90% of what you say. if you're already offended, than you might as well give it up. but if you can say any of that about yourself, stick around and we'll see how long we can tolerate each other."

I know it's extreme, but I've got a lifetime of meekness and self-deprecation to make up for.

also, this morning I took inventory of my life, as I am wont to do on occasion. I have a swell automobile. I have a nice apartment. great friends, great family. as far as I know I'm healthy as the proverbial horse, and in almost the best shape of my adult life. the cherry on the cake, of course, is justin, aka The Wonderous One. after taking stock I realized that there's not a lot more that I could want. a house, but that's pending. my dream job, but since I haven't ascertained what that is yet it can wait. I'm damn lucky.

ordinarily I shy away from making statements like that. when I do I usually knock on the nearest door frame hard enough to fell a mighty redwood and mumble something about "jinxing things." well, I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm just going to sit back, relax, and remind myself that there isn't always another shoe. because you can't enjoy the ride if you're too preoccupied with crashing. I'll worry about the carnage when AND IF it happens.

that said, my superior ass is getting into my holier-than-thou bed so I can get some arrogant sleep.

my mind has been in random overdrive lately:

Q: if charlie tuna had a band, what genre would it be?
A: alba-core.

the next time someone starts telling me how great the atkins diet is, I'm going to respond with, "well, personally I'm a big fan of the edgar atkins teagarden diet. alllllll watermelon!" if the person actually knows what I'm talking about, I'm proposing marriage right there (sorry josh, you're disqualified; I'm already aware you're in the know on this one).

I realized tonight that time travel will never be discovered. if that was destined to happen, no high profile war/assassination/atrocity would have occurred. ever. at some point some enterprising person would zip back in history to stop them all. yeah, I know that's paradoxical, but everything about time travel is anyway.

okay, so I found my stepmother is an alien in the $5.50 dvd bin at wal-mart, which pleased me to no end. I remembered that alyson hannigan plays dan aykroyd's daughter, but forgot who plays her date. seth green. fellow buffy fans, isn't that the most twilight zone-esque thing ever? it's willow and oz, age 13.

since I haven't mentioned him in a bit, let me take this opportunity to say that justin is still the greatest. weekend + sexy, funny, sweet, intelligent guy = happy me.

it's 9 am. why am I awake? must remedy that posthaste.

random blurbs:

the september issue of GQ has so many pictures of iman in it. I like that.

how often do you wonder what would happen if you stopped worrying about everyone, everything, and the future in general and just went for broke? personally, I try for 5-6 times per day. it's like window shopping at neiman marcus when you're on a big lots budget. frustrating, but such pretty possibilities...

white chocolate kit kats rule.

angelica huston is the greatest living film actress. no contest.

the frigid breeze tonight means fall is definitely coming up, and fast. I've always professed a dislike for autumn--especially in the piedmont, where the leaves just turn brown for a day and fall off--but somehow it seems to be the season when I'm most in tune with myself. maybe I'll crank out some good prose before the first snowfall. I should designate a lucky writing sweater before october rolls around.

I think too much.

just a quick note to the folks at the north carolina d.o.t.:

I'm pleased that work is being done to improve the area around the new 85/business 85 interchange; I'm sure that pretty much every triad resident is. also, I realize that late at night is the most efficient time to get that work accomplished.

however, the madness must stop. lane closures with little warning, hastily constructed abrupt merging lanes, and being guided down exits THAT ARE COMPLETELY BLOCKED WITH CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT that forces drivers to swerve back onto the interstate and take the next turnoff. uncalled for. it's all fun and games until someone loses a fender.

just needed to vent.

stupid bi-lo can eat it. I was all set to buy some serious groceries tonight and they had to close the store because their computers were down. at least that's what they said--I'm sure it's all part of the big conspiracy. anyway, hit steak n shake instead. I'm going to get so freakin fat.

had a great conversation with nadine tonight about polyamorous relationships. what is it with my fascination with that topic? as a psych guy, I can say it's one of three things: need for affection, commitment phobia, or being raised in a rather non-traditional household. as a psych guy who also happens to be me, I can say it's probably all three.

bought a new refrigerator magnet on e-bay; it has a 1965 buick wildcat on it. the things I spend my money on.

call from carra today--carra, if you're reading this, I WILL call you this week! and I'm serious about coming to richmond to visit. a little change of scenery is always nice, and the woodham ladies sure know how to show a fella a good time, iffn you know whatta mean.

the franz show kicked asssssss. there were two opening bands, the futureheads and the delays. the former not anything special--sort of a poor man's franz ferdinand, really--but the latter purveyed some very nice synth pop sounds; I'd like to get their record. and f.f. was amazing as expected.

after the show it was me, josh, charlie, hannah, and michael at a bar in chapel hill. great bar, but I will never again drink four vodka martinis in one evening. never. no embarassing puking scenes or anything, but some scary drifting in and out of consciousness that I don't want to repeat.

so justin said tonight that he wants to be "exclusive." so I sez to him, "if that's what you want." meanwhile, I was thinking, "SCORE!" I mean, he's not my ideal or anything, but he requires a lot less compromise than most guys. definitely exclusive material.

now that I'm seeing someone and have more friends in gso that I want to spend time with, I'm thinking about changing shifts at work and going in at 7:30 instead of 6:00. I'll get a little less overtime, but I think it would be a boon as far as social interaction goes. I mean, I could actually have dinner with people! during the week! wow!

of course I COULD transfer to a day shift position...and take at least a $10k per year pay cut. nope, not gonna happen. but I really should start thinking about the long term, I guess: what I want to do and what classes I could take to do it. I still love my job, but in addition to the hours grating on my nerves, there's very little possibility of moving up the corporate ladder from where I am now. hmm.

also speaking of work, I turned in a vacation day for next month to see rilo kiley. technically that day was unavailable, but I was wearing really cute shoes when I asked christy about it and I think that did the trick. yeah, I'm now the proud owner of a pair of doc martens saddle shoes. I'm so cool.

having just washed down twizzlers with sweet tea, I'm good to go for a while. time to do some energetic tv watching.

okay, so the interestingness seems good. there's this guy, see; his name's justin. he's pretty fantastic. our first date was only monday, but we've seen each other twice since then (stayed at his place last night, haw haw) and have averaged one phone call and two e-mails per day. I could get very serious about him, and he says he's getting that way about me. the "says" is in italics because I subscribe to the theory that all gay men--except for myself--are intrinsically evil. time will tell. I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground, but it ain't easy.

seeing franz ferdinand tonight! kick ass.

not a lot more going on...but it's enough. I'm out.

re my september first entry on life being boring: I must make a mental note to be careful what I wish for, lest I get it.

all I'm prepared to say right now is that life has become interesting. I'm not sure yet if that's good or bad. when I figure it out, I'll have some more to say.

things I learned about myself tonight:

it doesn't matter what I do to change my looks. it doesn't matter how much new information I take in, or what trends I follow, what my philosophy is or whether I have one at all. there will always be fundamental things about my way of thinking that I can't change. and they're always going to make my life difficult.

I'm sick of always being the one taking the picture and never being the one in it.

and I'm really, really fucking tired of sponging off other people's popularity. too bad it's all I know how to do.

sorry about the negativity. it's not that I hate life. I just hate mine.