words to live by: "save a horse. ride a cowboy."

I spent my drive home from work thinking out the particulars of a superpower that would essentially be the ability to change people/things that I didn't like into fish sticks. talk about ending world hunger. I don't like a lot of things.

I came home and ate a lot of fish sticks, too.

[NO ADDERALL+NO CAFFEINE / HOUR OF OVERTIME] (squared) = most kafka-esque night at work ever.

best way to spend twelve minutes and ten seconds of free time: listening to "the low spark of high heeled boys" by traffic. it's also a great way to get from furnitureland south in jamestown to my parking space at work--said drive also takes exactly twelve minutes and ten seconds, give or take a chord or two.

seeing cars parked in isolated areas at night with their parking lights on is creepy.

still diggin the ipod.

am taking justin to atlanta this weekend as an early anniversary present. room at the ritz-carlton, fun at ikea and the world of coca cola, etcetera. it'll be a nice change from the norm.

my throat has been incredibly swollen for almost a week. I think it's just sinus problems. I hope, anyway.

[insert pointless, whiny complaint about gas prices here]

that's all for the moment.

it's official; I've joined the dark side. today I bought an ipod mini. but since justin did as well, at least I'll have evil company. do I need it? no. what am I going to use it for? not completely sure yet. but it looked good on paper. and it sure is cute. don't worry--I can say with ABSOLUTE certainty that I will not be putting either of the included apple stickers on any of my belongings. those people frighten me.

mom's doing really well. her physical therapy is intense but not impossible. tuesday's her birthday, and I wish I could be there for it! josh's was today. he'll enjoy being 24. there's something unsettling about one's age being a prime number. my 23rd year kept me on pins and needles.

that's pretty much it for the excitement. besides, it's either put the laundry in the dryer or let it mildew. I'm thinking dryer.

update: do NOT buy the plastic test tube shooters. ever smelled airplane glue? imagine that odor as a taste.

well, it's the apocalpyse. after ten years of dial up my parents got dsl. I just don't know what to do.

anyway, mom's surgery went great. she's in some pain, but not from the leg--instead of doing the surgery under general anesthesia they decided to go the safer route and use a spinal anesthetic, and her back is bothering her. but she could get to come home as early as tomorrow, probably monday if not.

I got to see my aunt and uncle in the hospital as well, the ones who live in winston-salem. funny to drive this far and visit with them here.

tonight I took justin to the liquor store here (NOT the abc store) to show him fun stuff that you can't buy in nc like premade jello shots and plastic test tube shooters of peppermint schnapps. I only wish that we had ghetto pleasures like that down south!

that weekend at home is happening sooner than I thought. my mom fell last night and broke her hip. it's not serious enough to require replacement, but she has to have surgery in the morning. I'm headed home in the afternoon. keep her in your thoughts, y'all.

since I work in the transportation industry I probably shouldn't say things like this, but you know those big pieces of shredded tire that semis leave in the middle of the highway when they get a flat? am I the only one who thinks that the drivers should have to go back and pick those things up? they're a menace.

for years I've enjoyed the dubbing of kernersville "k-vegas," and yesterday I heard an appellation on the radio that's almost as good. the lexington area called "l.a." north carolinians will appreciate that.

I've decided that what my life really needs is a big dose of trouble. not trouble with the law or anything, but a sort of close encounter of the drunken kind with a crowd of mixed company. I need to get kicked out of some store or other. I need someone's significant other (not mine, naturally) to get annoyed with me. I need to find myself deep in conversation with people that I don't even like. remember that ideal party I mentioned a while back? this would be a good time for it.

I'm just vexed that my life has become so socially insular. I love the odd night out with nadine, heather, and crew, but they're too few and far between to curb my appetite. other than the people I live with, I can only think of two people in gso now that I could conceivably call and hang with, and then there's the problem of finding the time. being a grown up sucks. if you're reading this and haven't gotten there yet, PLEASE have some wanton fun for my sake!

not that life isn't about to get a bit more interesting. rachel's living with us for uncg's fall semester; she moves in tomorrow. I have no objections to one of the world's most beautiful and charming women living under my roof, of course, and her financial contribution to the nor'easter household is welcomed.

on the lighter side, my dad came down last sunday and fixed my lawnmower (which I nearly destroyed after hitting a vent pipe in the yard), and I'm going up to bluefield next weekend. I've always loved my parents more than words, but I have such a heightened appreciation of the time I spend with them now. I boggle at what a little shithead I was as a teenager--I'm so glad the three of us got through it without any lasting trauma (other than my own guilt complex).

I've typed my way from one end of the triad to the other. time to stop.

the powers that be are against my getting from point a to point b, for some reason. my usual route home from work is completely closed off, and every alternate that I've tried is either closed or seriously under construction. it just isn't fair. a 30 minute drive home is bad enough without having to traipse down every acussed woods road between here and trinity to get home in under an hour.

las vegas is attacking the high point furniture market with one of their own. this is a bad thing. I'd like to ask my faithful blog readers to join me in being part of the solution: boycott las vegas! it's quite simple. just don't go to las vegas. I'm also considering sending blank postcards to the vegas chamber of commerce to show them just how NOT in vegas I am. another thought: anonymously mail them printouts of travel itineraries to atlantic city and/or reno. viva las vegas my ass!

lately I've come to believe that if my life gets any more banal I'm going to lose all coloring and appear only in black and white. all retro coolness aside, I don't think I'd like that. boring boring boring boring boring. jeremy's world, the big snoozefest. granted I'd rather have boring than bad, but I could do with a little interesting/good.

I've discovered the best comfort food ever: graham crackers (the honey ones, not cinnamon) and nutella. yes, lately I've been getting very comfortable indeed with that combination.

I really hate it when people refer to their son/daughter as "the baby" when the damn kid is old enough to walk and talk. this idea is unfortunately supported by I love lucy, in which little ricky is referred to as "the baby" until he's about twenty-three years old. if you are such an imbecile that you can't remember your toddler's proper name, you shouldn't be a parent.

I don't even want to talk about the approaching dawn of the school year. I dread it just as much as justin and josh, if not more. I've gotten used to justin being around all day, every day. I'm feeling lonely already (and yes, I know that I'm clingy and dependent, but if he doesn't mind neither should you).

I should read audio books for a living. all the best male narrators are named jeremy...well, my two favorites, j. piven and j. irons. just hand either one a cereal box and have them whisper sweet nothings of thiamin and niacin into my ear.

speaking of, justin and I have begun lists of rules to enforce when we take over the world. one of mine is that jeremy piven will no longer be allowed to remove his chest or stomach hair. he will be required to check in for an inspection every two weeks to ensure that it is intact. if not, he shall receive six months in prison, followed by six months of probation, during which time he must always wear a t-shirt in public with a picture of patrick warburton and the caption "this is what a real man looks like" on it.

sorry. it's a big deal with me. trim if you must, guys, but a little fur is a good and manly thing.

anyway, I've got totino's crisp crust pizza to eat.

sorry it's been a while, but most of what has gone on lately has had me too perturbed to even bitch about it here--not good, eh? one of the tires on the miata blew out the other day. after fix a flat failed to repair it and I discovered that I was without the tools to install the spare, I had no choice but to slowwwwwly drive it home (could have called aaa, but I guess it just didn't occur to me at the time). anyway, I DID call aaa the next day for a tow...which took two hours to arrive. I go ahead and get taylor's auto to put four new tires on. I drive out of the parking lot and hear/feel a horrid scraping coming from the troublesome wheel. turns out part of the trim had been knocked loose and was hitting the tire, rendering the car undriveable again. finally I took it to city motors where they repaired the trim properly for free. best place ever. but anyway, it was a dreadfully annoying week.

trip yesterday: to concord to shop and buca's in pineville to eat. great stuff, as always.

finally got around to mowing the lawn this evening...although the mower hit some kind of vent pipe in the yard and sheared the top off. guess the water folks will have to come out and take a look.

I LOVE JUSTIN SO MUCH! (sorry, just really wanted to see it in print at the moment)

I think most people know the term "nymphomania," but did you know that that word can only apply to females? if you want to call a boy a horndog, you have to say that he suffers from "satyriasis." just a fun word to be able to throw around.

I could spout off random crap for hours, but the damnable heat has drug me out. I think I'll collapse under an air vent for a while.

since I moved I've found the best bridge in greensboro. it's a little one on 16th street called the billy "crash" craddock bridge. attractive railings and a sweet little hump in the middle that can leave a flutter in your stomach if you hit it at a decent speed.

of course I had to look into who this craddock gentleman was. since I find it amusing--because it's almost absurdly thorough--I've posted here an excerpt from the minutes of the june 3, 2003 greensboro city council meeting at which the structure was named:

147-03 RESOLUTION NAMING THE 16^TH STREET BRIDGE IN HONOR OF BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK

WHEREAS, Billy “Crash” Craddock has served as an unofficial ambassador for the City of Greensboro for many years and in many places throughout his worldwide career in entertainment;

WHEREAS, the youngest of thirteen children, Billy Wayne was born June 16, 1938, at what is now 2406 Hubbard Street in the White Oak community just south of 16^th Street where he became known as “Crash” Craddock while playing high school football for Rankin School;

WHEREAS, his singing career began when he was a member of a group known as the Four Rebels who played for the teenagers at the Fairview Recreation Center about 3 blocks from the 16^th Street bridge;

WHEREAS, his music career was launched after an appearance on the Arthur Godfrey Show, which led to nine number one records and appearances on The Dick Clark Show; The Academy of Country Music in Los Angeles and in Nashville, Pop Goes The Country in Nashville, Nashville Now, Crook and Chase out of Nashville, The Grand Ole Opry and The Wellborn Brothers Show;

WHEREAS, national and international stardom in the music world has not kept Crash from his roots in Greensboro where he has remained throughout his career, raising three children, playing the role of father, brother, grandfather, neighbor and friend to those in his hometown;

WHEREAS, Crash’s lesser known but important appearances include a benefit softball game for autistic children of North Carolina; an Asheboro benefit enabling a loan payoff to the children’s ball field; Hospice benefit in 1999; and many additional hours to benefit those in need;

WHEREAS, it is both deserving and appropriate that the bridge located on 16^th Street be named in honor of Billy “Crash” Craddock.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE CITY COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF GREENSBORO:

That for the many years of devoted and outstanding services rendered to the City of Greensboro and its citizens by Billy “Crash” Craddock and as a deserving tribute the City Council does hereby direct that the bridge on 16^th Street shall be named the “BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK BRIDGE” in honor of this dedicated citizen.

(Signed) Donald R. Vaughan

on celebrities:

there's not a lot to be said for ann coulter, but the woman's legs are right up there with rupaul's in terms of overall quality.

it's taken me 24 years and numerous viewings of will ferrell's snl routine, but I've finally realized how funny robert goulet is.

am I the only person who thinks that demi and ashton make a positively adorable couple?

the only celebrity whom I believe should actually have a reality show: phyllis diller. even if all she did was play bridge in every episode, I'd rather watch her than hulk hogan any day.

ongoing drama: did NOT find any bookshelves yesterday, although a great meal at the cheesecake factory was had.

more of same: probably a good thing that we didn't find any, because I had to go out and spend $360 ($280 after rebates) on a new monitor tonight after the old one died. okay, so I didn't HAVE to get a flat screen. but damn it looks good.

tomorrow is officially the last day I'm a resident of 4109. worked like a trojan (one of mom's expressions) for hours today to get the place cleaned out and still am not quite finished. looks like I'll be celebrating the 4th in the empty apartment with the vacuum cleaner.

speaking of the holiday, I almost drove off the road last night when I was startled by a neighbor's giant uncle sam figurine on the roof of his/her porch. menacing.

boyohboy, do I need to take a shower.

went to sheetz for a sandwich and fries after work, a not uncommon activity for me. what WAS uncommon, however, was waiting for thirty minutes for my food. my past several experiences at the revered establishment have not been up to par. I've written a scathing e-mail to the company. grr.

going to durham today to look for bookshelves. it's becoming too hard to convince myself that the cardboard boxes on the living room floor are working as a decorating scheme/storage system.

my neighborhood has an ice cream truck AND an avon lady. I knew there was something edward scissorhands-esque about this place.

I'm reading a most enjoyable book, boogaloo on second avenue by mark kurlansky. unwanted side effects of reading said book are eating too much rich pastry and confusing the hell out of everyone by peppering my conversation with even more yiddish than before.

schluffy time.

well, I'm back online now in the new digs. what with the hellish experience of moving and all I haven't had much time to update. but the house is looking better than I could have imagined. scores of people have been in and out, installing things and repairing little flaws that we've found (so far just a crack in the window moulding and a bubble in the foyer floor, nothing big). I'll have to take some photos and post them as soon as all the boxes are unpacked and everything put away--probably sometime in october.

and yes, I got my dyson. it's all that they say and more. justin mentioned that the design reminds him of the proton packs in ghostbusters. although I'm glad I don't have to strap it to my back, it's not a bad comparison.

the security system was installed by adt today. burglars beware. it's nice to have, especially since I'm not accustomed to living up here yet. it's creepy. no sirens, no traffic noise, no drive-thru speaker at taco bell. and dark! I think I might actually have seen a star the other night. hard to believe all this is ten minutes from downtown. well, with all the recent residential and business development it could be a limited time only deal, but hopefully it'll last a while. seriously, though, a new house's foundation gets poured every week. literally.

speaking of development, demolition of the old carolina circle mall has begun. I am so upset that I didn't try going in and exploring it first. can you imagine a better prospect for urban exploration than a derelict two-story shopping mall that once had a ice skating rink in the center? it's a wet dream. I may try poking my head in yet, although I might cover it with a hard hat first.

almost time for work. that hasn't changed.

so this morning justin called the attorneys and found out our final closing costs on the house. we had initially been quoted about $1400.00.

$396.

so I'm getting my dyson vacuum now.

sorry that I haven't been as punctual with the updates as usual lately, but the bulk of my time has been consumed with packing boxes and doing other move related things. I haven't gotten an ulcer yet, but give me time.

I enjoy spending so much more time with justin, naturally. under his good influence I've actually been getting up at the previously unheard of hour of 1 p.m. yowza.

a new link on the left so that everyone can keep abreast of what laura's up to.

also, a new system. my guestbook will stand--and feel free to take advantage of it--but in case anyone wants to comment on a single entry (and by that I mean you, shana, since no one else cares about me enough to comment on my blog), just click on the wee plus sign at the end of said entry.

and it's off to do a little shopping.

oh, and: upstairs neighbor? not dead. such a disappointment.

we had the final nor'easter walk through on friday and went back today to measure for blinds. so I took and posted quite a few interior pictures in the gallery. some are serious, others I took some pseudo-artistic liberties with. take a look.

back in gso after a nice weekend in wv. I love visiting my parents, but it always makes me emotional. being back in my old house reminds me of how much simpler my life used to be, and how much ambition I had. and even though I know it's melodramatic, I find myself thinking that my family is disappointed in me, and that I don't deserve all the support they've given me over the years. I know the former isn't true; the latter may be. I'm just hard on myself--I've always been my own harshest critic.

moving day is drawing nigh. craziness. so is the rilo kiley show. happiness!

my latest product endorsement: cool mint moisture shave by kiss my face. you'll never apply a razor to anything else again.

time to shower so I can have hair UNlike alfalfa's. wow, I'm an anachronism.

P.S. speaking of anachronisms, this website is fuh-nee.