so much good stuff in the news! click on these:

sweet!
woo hoo!
bitchin!

also, I found these amusing:

Wedding Etiquette

A couple of things you should know before a Vermont same-sex wedding.....

1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.

2) Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have: Something bold, something fierce, Something trashy, something dirty.

3) It's customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an open bar during the ceremony.

4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating wedding cake because it's all carbs.

5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.

6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or handheld lasers.

7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival drag queen.

8) A local saying from colonial Northampton: A lesbian who owns a horse will never tell a lie, But a lesbian who votes Republican will leave you for a guy.

9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's hear it for the boy, YMCA or I will Survive.

10) The father of the Bottom pays for everything!

wouldn't it be nice if you could take a leave of absence from your life?

but I suppose, like taking a leave from work, there's the danger that you won't want to go back.

sorry. not in the best of moods lately, I guess.

this makes me happy.

just need to sound off for a minute. I read an infuriating editorial yesterday in which the author actually had the nerve to gleefully tout $4-5 per gallon gas prices as a means of sticking it to the nation's SUV drivers. I'm the first to decry the SUV craze as wasteful, but what about people in my position? I already drive a car that gets 30+ miles per gallon, but I have an unavoidable 50 mile (round trip) commute per day. moving closer to work is out of the question, as is leaving my company. given staggered shifts and varied overtime, car pooling is not a viable option for me either. last but not least, I REALLY don't need to hear opinions like that from someone in D.C., a city with a commendable public transportation system. in short: stick it.

while I'm on the subject, some more information I dug up: guy A goes to his local toyota dealership and buys a new corolla. guy B goes to the same dealership and buys a prius. both guys drive an average of 15,000 miles per year. "ha ha!" says B. "this little number will save me enough money at the pump to pay for itself!" the awful truth? over the next five years, the only way that he can come out ahead of guy A and his corolla is if gas prices immediately rise to over $10.00 per gallon and stay there. wow, let's hope not.

anyone else psyched about corpse bride? I know I am.

as for print entertainment, I'm currently reading john irving's setting free the bears. granted I've got 200 pages to go--that I will finish--but as of right now...wow, what a pretentious load of bull. we've got viennese milkmen beating horses, naked guys running outside and biting people on their necks, and policemen forcing innocent bystanders to be beekeepers. and somehow it all ties in with vietnam.

so I got to work tonight and within two hours developed a nasty headache. it got progressively worse while the office seemed to get obnoxiously bright. to cap it all off, I got nauseated. goody's powder couldn't touch these symptoms, and I had an odd suspicion as to what might be causing them. I drove home with the windows down, changed my shirt and rinsed off a bit, and shortly thereafter felt fine. diagnosis: migrane headache brought on my the scent of my favorite cologne--which I hadn't worn for several weeks. can reactions like that develop so suddenly? if so, then I guess that $50 worth of dkny be delicious will go to waste.

speaking of money, I'm stressed beyond belief. I really feel that working during the day would make me much happier at this point. with the pay cut, we might JUST be able to pay the bills...as long as josh was living with us. if he moved out and we couldn't rent his room, we'd be forced to sell the house.

and there's still another issue. working days would make me feel pressured to go to grad school. but what for? will someone please tell me what my mission in life is already? I currently have a great job that I love and co-workers that I adore. it's just that I hate being away from justin. jeez, life is frustrating.

time for current events with jeremy:

scott peterson. not one of the world's finer individuals. there's no true defense of cold blooded murder, certainly not under the circumstances in which he committed it. I'm sure that the majority is with me when I say that he is, in fact, a vile human being. I rejoiced when he was found guilty. although I'm vehemently against the death penalty, I can't muster up any sympathy for him. he's scum, vermin, a monster.

none of this changes the fact that he's hot.

go ahead. gasp, clutch your chest, think me a heartless son of a bitch. but somewhere deep down inside, you know it's true.

yeah, yeah. the bill's going to be "terminated." I get it, we ALL get it.

speaking of homos, I was driving home the other night and realized that I'd like to move to san francisco. right now. the crisp air, the great chinese food, and the stunning scenery would more than make up for the fact that the sidewalks roll up even earlier than they do here. I just have to convince justin, buy some trendy clothes so I won't feel underdressed, and find a job paying twice what I make now so I can afford to eat. then there's josh and rachel...well, I guess gso will have to do for now.

hard to believe that it'll soon be time to dry clean the old sweaters. strike me down if you want, but I'm so glad that summer's almost over. bearable temperatures, holidays, and--yes, that's right--movies that are worth watching. I've got an eye on the indies, you'd better believe it. if anyone gets to see either thumbsucker or junebug before I do, let me know how they are (note to shana: junebug = alessandro nivola. reason enough).

does anyone else find it disturbing/appalling that, despite the recent oil crisis, the wheels of nascar keep on turnin? on top of the obvious big issues that this nation has, these little issues just keep me convinced me that, across the pond, our british cousins are just shaking their heads in dismay in our general direction. of course, there's no need to look that far. I'm sure that the head shaking in canada has made the populace look like they're watching a tennis match. lucky bastards.

hallelujah!

things I learned this weekend:

1) the black gay pride celebration in atlanta is very well attended.
2) dragoncon, also very popular.
3) the previous two events, when combined, make for fascinating people spotting.
4) bone's in atl = best steak ever.
5) never try a product called "bitter apertif" from italy.

all in all, we had a fabulous time.

words to live by: "save a horse. ride a cowboy."

I spent my drive home from work thinking out the particulars of a superpower that would essentially be the ability to change people/things that I didn't like into fish sticks. talk about ending world hunger. I don't like a lot of things.

I came home and ate a lot of fish sticks, too.

[NO ADDERALL+NO CAFFEINE / HOUR OF OVERTIME] (squared) = most kafka-esque night at work ever.

best way to spend twelve minutes and ten seconds of free time: listening to "the low spark of high heeled boys" by traffic. it's also a great way to get from furnitureland south in jamestown to my parking space at work--said drive also takes exactly twelve minutes and ten seconds, give or take a chord or two.

seeing cars parked in isolated areas at night with their parking lights on is creepy.

still diggin the ipod.

am taking justin to atlanta this weekend as an early anniversary present. room at the ritz-carlton, fun at ikea and the world of coca cola, etcetera. it'll be a nice change from the norm.

my throat has been incredibly swollen for almost a week. I think it's just sinus problems. I hope, anyway.

[insert pointless, whiny complaint about gas prices here]

that's all for the moment.

it's official; I've joined the dark side. today I bought an ipod mini. but since justin did as well, at least I'll have evil company. do I need it? no. what am I going to use it for? not completely sure yet. but it looked good on paper. and it sure is cute. don't worry--I can say with ABSOLUTE certainty that I will not be putting either of the included apple stickers on any of my belongings. those people frighten me.

mom's doing really well. her physical therapy is intense but not impossible. tuesday's her birthday, and I wish I could be there for it! josh's was today. he'll enjoy being 24. there's something unsettling about one's age being a prime number. my 23rd year kept me on pins and needles.

that's pretty much it for the excitement. besides, it's either put the laundry in the dryer or let it mildew. I'm thinking dryer.

update: do NOT buy the plastic test tube shooters. ever smelled airplane glue? imagine that odor as a taste.

well, it's the apocalpyse. after ten years of dial up my parents got dsl. I just don't know what to do.

anyway, mom's surgery went great. she's in some pain, but not from the leg--instead of doing the surgery under general anesthesia they decided to go the safer route and use a spinal anesthetic, and her back is bothering her. but she could get to come home as early as tomorrow, probably monday if not.

I got to see my aunt and uncle in the hospital as well, the ones who live in winston-salem. funny to drive this far and visit with them here.

tonight I took justin to the liquor store here (NOT the abc store) to show him fun stuff that you can't buy in nc like premade jello shots and plastic test tube shooters of peppermint schnapps. I only wish that we had ghetto pleasures like that down south!

that weekend at home is happening sooner than I thought. my mom fell last night and broke her hip. it's not serious enough to require replacement, but she has to have surgery in the morning. I'm headed home in the afternoon. keep her in your thoughts, y'all.

since I work in the transportation industry I probably shouldn't say things like this, but you know those big pieces of shredded tire that semis leave in the middle of the highway when they get a flat? am I the only one who thinks that the drivers should have to go back and pick those things up? they're a menace.

for years I've enjoyed the dubbing of kernersville "k-vegas," and yesterday I heard an appellation on the radio that's almost as good. the lexington area called "l.a." north carolinians will appreciate that.

I've decided that what my life really needs is a big dose of trouble. not trouble with the law or anything, but a sort of close encounter of the drunken kind with a crowd of mixed company. I need to get kicked out of some store or other. I need someone's significant other (not mine, naturally) to get annoyed with me. I need to find myself deep in conversation with people that I don't even like. remember that ideal party I mentioned a while back? this would be a good time for it.

I'm just vexed that my life has become so socially insular. I love the odd night out with nadine, heather, and crew, but they're too few and far between to curb my appetite. other than the people I live with, I can only think of two people in gso now that I could conceivably call and hang with, and then there's the problem of finding the time. being a grown up sucks. if you're reading this and haven't gotten there yet, PLEASE have some wanton fun for my sake!

not that life isn't about to get a bit more interesting. rachel's living with us for uncg's fall semester; she moves in tomorrow. I have no objections to one of the world's most beautiful and charming women living under my roof, of course, and her financial contribution to the nor'easter household is welcomed.

on the lighter side, my dad came down last sunday and fixed my lawnmower (which I nearly destroyed after hitting a vent pipe in the yard), and I'm going up to bluefield next weekend. I've always loved my parents more than words, but I have such a heightened appreciation of the time I spend with them now. I boggle at what a little shithead I was as a teenager--I'm so glad the three of us got through it without any lasting trauma (other than my own guilt complex).

I've typed my way from one end of the triad to the other. time to stop.

the powers that be are against my getting from point a to point b, for some reason. my usual route home from work is completely closed off, and every alternate that I've tried is either closed or seriously under construction. it just isn't fair. a 30 minute drive home is bad enough without having to traipse down every acussed woods road between here and trinity to get home in under an hour.

las vegas is attacking the high point furniture market with one of their own. this is a bad thing. I'd like to ask my faithful blog readers to join me in being part of the solution: boycott las vegas! it's quite simple. just don't go to las vegas. I'm also considering sending blank postcards to the vegas chamber of commerce to show them just how NOT in vegas I am. another thought: anonymously mail them printouts of travel itineraries to atlantic city and/or reno. viva las vegas my ass!

lately I've come to believe that if my life gets any more banal I'm going to lose all coloring and appear only in black and white. all retro coolness aside, I don't think I'd like that. boring boring boring boring boring. jeremy's world, the big snoozefest. granted I'd rather have boring than bad, but I could do with a little interesting/good.

I've discovered the best comfort food ever: graham crackers (the honey ones, not cinnamon) and nutella. yes, lately I've been getting very comfortable indeed with that combination.

I really hate it when people refer to their son/daughter as "the baby" when the damn kid is old enough to walk and talk. this idea is unfortunately supported by I love lucy, in which little ricky is referred to as "the baby" until he's about twenty-three years old. if you are such an imbecile that you can't remember your toddler's proper name, you shouldn't be a parent.

I don't even want to talk about the approaching dawn of the school year. I dread it just as much as justin and josh, if not more. I've gotten used to justin being around all day, every day. I'm feeling lonely already (and yes, I know that I'm clingy and dependent, but if he doesn't mind neither should you).

I should read audio books for a living. all the best male narrators are named jeremy...well, my two favorites, j. piven and j. irons. just hand either one a cereal box and have them whisper sweet nothings of thiamin and niacin into my ear.

speaking of, justin and I have begun lists of rules to enforce when we take over the world. one of mine is that jeremy piven will no longer be allowed to remove his chest or stomach hair. he will be required to check in for an inspection every two weeks to ensure that it is intact. if not, he shall receive six months in prison, followed by six months of probation, during which time he must always wear a t-shirt in public with a picture of patrick warburton and the caption "this is what a real man looks like" on it.

sorry. it's a big deal with me. trim if you must, guys, but a little fur is a good and manly thing.

anyway, I've got totino's crisp crust pizza to eat.

sorry it's been a while, but most of what has gone on lately has had me too perturbed to even bitch about it here--not good, eh? one of the tires on the miata blew out the other day. after fix a flat failed to repair it and I discovered that I was without the tools to install the spare, I had no choice but to slowwwwwly drive it home (could have called aaa, but I guess it just didn't occur to me at the time). anyway, I DID call aaa the next day for a tow...which took two hours to arrive. I go ahead and get taylor's auto to put four new tires on. I drive out of the parking lot and hear/feel a horrid scraping coming from the troublesome wheel. turns out part of the trim had been knocked loose and was hitting the tire, rendering the car undriveable again. finally I took it to city motors where they repaired the trim properly for free. best place ever. but anyway, it was a dreadfully annoying week.

trip yesterday: to concord to shop and buca's in pineville to eat. great stuff, as always.

finally got around to mowing the lawn this evening...although the mower hit some kind of vent pipe in the yard and sheared the top off. guess the water folks will have to come out and take a look.

I LOVE JUSTIN SO MUCH! (sorry, just really wanted to see it in print at the moment)

I think most people know the term "nymphomania," but did you know that that word can only apply to females? if you want to call a boy a horndog, you have to say that he suffers from "satyriasis." just a fun word to be able to throw around.

I could spout off random crap for hours, but the damnable heat has drug me out. I think I'll collapse under an air vent for a while.

since I moved I've found the best bridge in greensboro. it's a little one on 16th street called the billy "crash" craddock bridge. attractive railings and a sweet little hump in the middle that can leave a flutter in your stomach if you hit it at a decent speed.

of course I had to look into who this craddock gentleman was. since I find it amusing--because it's almost absurdly thorough--I've posted here an excerpt from the minutes of the june 3, 2003 greensboro city council meeting at which the structure was named:

147-03 RESOLUTION NAMING THE 16^TH STREET BRIDGE IN HONOR OF BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK

WHEREAS, Billy “Crash” Craddock has served as an unofficial ambassador for the City of Greensboro for many years and in many places throughout his worldwide career in entertainment;

WHEREAS, the youngest of thirteen children, Billy Wayne was born June 16, 1938, at what is now 2406 Hubbard Street in the White Oak community just south of 16^th Street where he became known as “Crash” Craddock while playing high school football for Rankin School;

WHEREAS, his singing career began when he was a member of a group known as the Four Rebels who played for the teenagers at the Fairview Recreation Center about 3 blocks from the 16^th Street bridge;

WHEREAS, his music career was launched after an appearance on the Arthur Godfrey Show, which led to nine number one records and appearances on The Dick Clark Show; The Academy of Country Music in Los Angeles and in Nashville, Pop Goes The Country in Nashville, Nashville Now, Crook and Chase out of Nashville, The Grand Ole Opry and The Wellborn Brothers Show;

WHEREAS, national and international stardom in the music world has not kept Crash from his roots in Greensboro where he has remained throughout his career, raising three children, playing the role of father, brother, grandfather, neighbor and friend to those in his hometown;

WHEREAS, Crash’s lesser known but important appearances include a benefit softball game for autistic children of North Carolina; an Asheboro benefit enabling a loan payoff to the children’s ball field; Hospice benefit in 1999; and many additional hours to benefit those in need;

WHEREAS, it is both deserving and appropriate that the bridge located on 16^th Street be named in honor of Billy “Crash” Craddock.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE CITY COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF GREENSBORO:

That for the many years of devoted and outstanding services rendered to the City of Greensboro and its citizens by Billy “Crash” Craddock and as a deserving tribute the City Council does hereby direct that the bridge on 16^th Street shall be named the “BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK BRIDGE” in honor of this dedicated citizen.

(Signed) Donald R. Vaughan

on celebrities:

there's not a lot to be said for ann coulter, but the woman's legs are right up there with rupaul's in terms of overall quality.

it's taken me 24 years and numerous viewings of will ferrell's snl routine, but I've finally realized how funny robert goulet is.

am I the only person who thinks that demi and ashton make a positively adorable couple?

the only celebrity whom I believe should actually have a reality show: phyllis diller. even if all she did was play bridge in every episode, I'd rather watch her than hulk hogan any day.

ongoing drama: did NOT find any bookshelves yesterday, although a great meal at the cheesecake factory was had.

more of same: probably a good thing that we didn't find any, because I had to go out and spend $360 ($280 after rebates) on a new monitor tonight after the old one died. okay, so I didn't HAVE to get a flat screen. but damn it looks good.

tomorrow is officially the last day I'm a resident of 4109. worked like a trojan (one of mom's expressions) for hours today to get the place cleaned out and still am not quite finished. looks like I'll be celebrating the 4th in the empty apartment with the vacuum cleaner.

speaking of the holiday, I almost drove off the road last night when I was startled by a neighbor's giant uncle sam figurine on the roof of his/her porch. menacing.

boyohboy, do I need to take a shower.

went to sheetz for a sandwich and fries after work, a not uncommon activity for me. what WAS uncommon, however, was waiting for thirty minutes for my food. my past several experiences at the revered establishment have not been up to par. I've written a scathing e-mail to the company. grr.

going to durham today to look for bookshelves. it's becoming too hard to convince myself that the cardboard boxes on the living room floor are working as a decorating scheme/storage system.

my neighborhood has an ice cream truck AND an avon lady. I knew there was something edward scissorhands-esque about this place.

I'm reading a most enjoyable book, boogaloo on second avenue by mark kurlansky. unwanted side effects of reading said book are eating too much rich pastry and confusing the hell out of everyone by peppering my conversation with even more yiddish than before.

schluffy time.