friends and snow. those two things make me very happy indeed. take my word for the friends. see the snow here.

nadine, you are keeping me from sinking into complete insanity and ruin. thanks.

only, just in case you lie down on the job, I've got my power of attorney papers all drawn up. take note, mom.

at least I can still joke a little. google something like "psychotic episode warning signs," leaving out the quotes. yeah, I have most of those. I was rereading some of my older entries and trying to figure out when I last really felt...together. at peace with everything, not disillusioned with all the day to day stuff.

last may. ish. then last month it really began to spiral.

I've had some chipper posts since then, surely, but reading between the lines it really has been that long since I've felt satisfied with my life.

I think it's time I started using my shrink's office for something other than picking up prescriptions.

let's talk for a minute about scream queens. as an aficionado of both rotten and redeemable horror films, ladies labeled as such have made great contributions to my life. when the viewing public labels the ultimate scream queens, however, they tend to only pick those who have been in films of note. this is unavoidable; after all, how many people have actually seen "mari-cookie and the killer tarantula in 8 legs to love you?" I know I haven't. but it seems unfair that a label that intrinsically should be applied to fringe b-movie stars gets slapped on, say, jamie lee curtis. time and time again. nothing against jamie lee, mind--I'm a big fan. but I reviewed the resumes of several notable screen queens on imdb, giving them a point for each film they've made that can be termed horror. how does she stack up?




(yes, I actually went to the trouble to tally all those films and make this chart. I am the KING time waster.)

so I'd like to give a big shout out to linnea quigley, aka trash from "return of the living dead." may she never stop crankin em out.

I learned a lot this morning. I really hope I don't lose it all by the time I wake up this afternoon. I'm making this entry to remind myself that there are people who actually think I might be capable of steamrollering the fucking world, and that--at the moment, anyway--I think they may be right.

Which Office character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jim Halpert You're Jim! That's so cool, Jim's awesome. Jim Halpert 60% Jan Levinson 60% Pam Beesly 55% Ryan Howard 55% Angela Martin 55% Michael Scott 50% Dwight Schrute 30%

(okay, so I had to take five different quizzes to get jim. but I didn't take any twice or skew my answers!)

all my usual complaints aside, it's rare that I genuinely find myself In A Crisis. my issues are usually limited to a lifespan of a day or two; they rarely interfere with my ability to function normally and in a cheerful and productive fashion. in psych courses you cover what coping mechanisms people use In A Crisis. dietary habits change, as do sleeping habits and substance use. all that good stuff. but because my setbacks are limited to a single sleep-wake cycle or two, I have from time to time wondered just what my ways of coping are. I'm not saying that I've never felt seriously disturbed, only that most of the major problems are--thankfully--far enough between that I don't give it much thought.

take note: when In A Crisis, jeremy drinks too much, sleeps too little, and eats next to nothing. if I forget, I'll have this entry to refresh my memory.

leading up to the primaries, some candidates are becoming progressively more visible while others are losing ground quickly. want to be able to stick up for the underdog? want to support a front runner with a ringing affirmative? take a fun online quiz.

bet you never knew what the phrase "piping hot" actually means. I didn't.

I think I'd be much happier if I could go around with a dave brubeck song stuck in my head constantly.

jillions of people have seen the film the graduate, but I've never met anyone besides myself who has read the novel by charles webb. that's a shame; webb has a very unique writing style, very heavy on deadpan dialogue. forty years after penning the graduate he has published a sequel entitled home school. it has received favorable reviews and my copy is on the way. I'm excited all out of proportion, as fans of the ben/elaine/mrs. robinson triangle really should be.

I only hope that it's a satisfying read. I hate it when an author publishes a sequel to a novel I love only to have events take a rotten turn. if the book is by a different writer you can say, "oh, well. it really doesn't count." but sometimes the original author whips up a real stinker. anyone read son of rosemary? don't. because guess what? everything that happens in rosemary's baby is a DREAM. yep, the whole novel doesn't happen. sometimes I wonder about ira levin.

edit: have just discovered that he died in november. alas.

oh, today's my birthday. don't get all excited; I'm not. I was already cranky about turning twenty-seven for various reasons. then, in her grand tradition of noticing the most delightfully random aspects of the obvious, ali mentioned that "twenty-seven has the most syllables of any age we've ever been." yikes.

at any rate, I think this clip sums it all up nicely:

romantically involved white male seeks person to provide sense of direction. open to any and all possibilities. applicants must show skill in showing people what the hell they should do with their lives. non smoker a plus.

the other day justin was kicking around the idea of our moving to asheville once he gets his degree. I was iffy, but look at the ellington--a hotel with condos to be constructed this year. some people in asheville are against it as being a bit too hulking for downtown, but how can you not love a building as "ghostbusters" as this? mark my words: in the unlikely event we move, it'll be here.

also: the onion radio news always makes me laugh, but for some reason this most recent clip almost had me on the floor. probably because it sounds so familiar.

fun way to mess with someone: randomly walk up to him/her and say, "you know, it's people like you who make this country great." I tested that one tonight and the results were satisfying.

speaking of patriotism, is it wrong that I think omar osama bin laden is kind of...attractive? don't answer that.

I can't believe we're actually having some winter weather. bring it on.

david cronenberg says a lot of quotable things. I think my favorite is:

"my dentist said to me the other day: I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films?"

in closing, here's a picture of a capybara. no particular reason, I just like them.

it's taken me years to break down and watch it, but I finally have to admit: "the office" really is the best show on tv. not since the dearly departed "arrested development" have I been so enamored of a sitcom. however, I discovered something that should be distressing to fellow fans...there is no chili's in scranton.

watching "the office" has also made me come to an upsetting conclusion. its ratings, like those of A.D., have never been that high. so many of the best shows on tv just don't get big audiences, and I think I've ascertained why. no laugh track. it seems most americans need to be told when it's okay to laugh. if they don't hear other people laughing, it must not be funny. I'm glad I finally realized this. it makes me feel more secure in the knowledge that I'm better than everyone else.

most funnest fattening hobby ever: making ice cream. justin got me a machine for Christmas and it's so addictive.

mike huckabee = scary. so let's laugh at him.

that's hot. er, I mean shocking, terribly shocking. despite dr. anderson's assertions to the contrary, though, I can't believe that the exclusive use of cheerleaders as a sample didn't affect the results. I mean, really.

why is it that computer literacy and plain old literacy seem to be at odds? I can barely stand to go on any message boards anymore. I can understand taking shortcuts when you're texting, IMing, and the like. but let's have some periods in our posts, some commas in our comments. and PLEASE work on your basic spelling skills. whenever I'm reading someone's opinion or review, I immediately stop caring when I see that they can't put a sentence together. it makes you seem unintelligent. ergo, you must be wrong. it's not that hard to grasp. I'm terrified that in a few years people won't be able to use syntax or grammar if their lives depend on it. and if I get my hands on some of these nimrods, they will.

I know, it's nothing new. but it still hasn't gotten old.



oh, and happy new year!

well, the yuletide spirit has been purged until next season. low key holiday at home with debbie and her family away in a manger (read: harrisburg), but nice otherwise. I'm taking bets on when the cleanup process will finish. insider tip--we still have to completely straighten up from '06.

my biggest Christmas present was to myself, though: a new computer. it was time. my old machine hated me, that was the only explanation. I did so much for him and he repaid me with heartache. all the new hardware, repeated os reinstalls, to no avail. that's not to say--ahem--that I wouldn't recommend him to a new home, one who might be less demanding. so he's up for sale.

new pc, ergo I finally had to bite the bullet and switch to vista. I have likes and dislikes. even with a fast beast like this one I had to disable most of the flashier features to get full performance. according to my firewall it's MUCH more secure than xp, though, and it hasn't crashed yet...knock all possible wood. and reports of poor backwards compatibility have been, in my experience, exaggerated. I've decided to play dr. nerdenstein and install linux for a dual boot. why? because I can. getting linux up and running, however, is enough to make you want to kiss bill gates' ass. but hey, it's a constructive hobby.

I greet the upcoming new year with some apprehension. but then, shouldn't everyone with any sense do the same? 2008 is a nice, solid number though. I'm a big fan of multiples of 4.

another personal hero.

so dad had knee replacement surgery last monday. it went well; he's been doing some walking and isn't in too much pain. I'm totally getting him an oil can for Christmas.

speaking of Christmas, every year I can usually say definitively that I am or am not ready for the holidays. for 2007 I'm not sure. everything seems very neutral. the weather's been cold but not snowy. I'm staying on track doing my shopping--neither ahead nor behind. my mind accepts that Christmas music and lights are everywhere but isn't annoyed by it. it's all very...complacent. I can deal with that.

three homicides in gso over the weekend. significant for a city our size. word is that at least two were gang related. yet there are still bigwigs in this town who deny that we have a gang problem.

when it comes to entertainment, I'm naïve in a lot of ways. no matter how weak a plot twist is in a film, it'll probably take me by surprise. similarly, I have the tendency to read books solely for entertainment value. oh, I'll usually pick up on metaphors and allegories and whatnot. I just overlook them.

take the chronicles of narnia, for example. the Christian references are impossible to miss even as a kid, but they've never had an impact on my relationship to the series. and the great gatsby. despite analyzing it to death in senior english (particularly that damn green light), I managed to love it just the same. it's not that I'm anti-intellectual or boorish about literature, and I could still turn out a decent AP paper with my cliff's notes tied behind my back. it's just my way of doing things, and it's helped me give some of "the great books" a fair shot when I otherwise might not have done.

I ramble like this because I'm tearing through his dark materials, the philip pullman trilogy of which the recently adapted the golden compass is the first. I dig this stuff, and I'm leery of the fantasy genre as a rule. but before I'd read one page I'd heard loads about how anti-Christian pullman's work is; one reviewer said that he "pisses on religion." that's a little strong, but there's no denying the strong opinions voiced in the novels. and unlike narnia, his dark materials doesn't bother to couch them in metaphor--the author deals with Christianity as we know it. rather than say that his work is flatly against religion--although he's a confirmed atheist--it's easier to agree with the archbishop of canterbury, who sees the series as an attack on religious oppression and dogmatism.

and how much does all this matter to me? well, other than giving me an excuse to spout off paragraphs like the previous one here, not at all. I read to be taken out of myself. I read to fuel my own imagination. for a long time now my own worldview has been set enough (perhaps stodgily so) to prevent me from shifting my philosophy based on a work of fiction. reference my earlier spiel on ayn rand, for example. let other people argue about whether it's better to swim in a lake versus an ocean versus a pool versus a river. I just like to jump in and splash around.

now wasn't all that impressive? for someone who hates deconstructing, that is.

I don't know how many vinyl collecting dorks read this blog...well, that's not true. I'm pretty sure it's one. anyway, if you hanker after the prehistoric platters, I can't recommend musicstack.com highly enough. you don't get the thrill of the hunt, but there seems to be literally nothing that this site can't find for you. besides, bending down to sift through all those orange crates on the floor will kill your knees.

choosing a calendar is a big deal in my house. we have only one; it hangs just above the kitchen phone. it's a decision that must be lived with for a full year. 2008 has yet to be decided. if I was just a LITTLE more distasteful, I think I'd have to push for this one:







yes, it's real. a Mormon missionary beefcake calendar. tres funny.

I spent some time this evening looking between my reflection and old pictures of myself and came to a conclusion. I've suspected it for a while, and it's true.

four years of wearing headphones 7+ hours a day have flattened my ears.

before you scoff, keep in mind that I wear big 70s lookin headphones. no piddling earbuds for this fella. and my ears have always been unusually elastic. in high school, tiffany discovered that tugging upward on one of my ears can lengthen it by almost a full half inch (don't ask why we attempted that experiment; I don't honestly remember).

this is excellent news. my entire adult life I've wanted otoplasty, and since I've been self-supporting I've considered it seriously. I've always hated my jug ears, only now they're not so juggy. I got the benefits of surgery without the pain and expense--in fact, you could say that I got paid to have my ears "done." oh happy day!

now I can focus more on how I loathe everything between my neck and waist.

generally reading any of my old poetry makes me want to barf, but this one's not too bad:

youth wasted on children

I think about standing at washington square
in new york watching a tweed-clad boy
with a super 8 camera film pigeons and
feeling more envious than I ever had

and I wonder if I want a bonfire by the lake
or an old house filled with wood for my
children to slide down banisters and
smear peanut butter on the oriental rugs

and I hope that it’s not always necessary
to leave one life behind for another, and if
I can’t at least put off growing up long enough
to get away with a few more fits of hysteria

and I grow smug looking back on the
teenaged me that had so much fun affecting
adulthood with jim beam and cigarettes
and think man, if you only knew

if you only knew

© 2007 jeremy ball. all rights reserved.