that last entry was pretty crack filled. sorry bout that.

last night was a good one. tracy and I had a nice talk; I didn't know we had so much in common, it's pretty crazy. she left for alabama just after ashley came to stay over. there was drinking of tequila and watching of telly. oh, and I answered the phone when alan (tracy's aforementioned ex-b/f, but they're still friends) called the apartment for a chat, which he often does when he's sloppy drunk. I'd never personally spoken to the guy in my life, but he went on about how wonderful I was and how he wanted to visit and hang out. although claiming complete hetero status, he'd be "willing to make certain exceptions." it was hilarious and oddly touching. but then I've always been a sucker for affectionate drunk guys...sigh. let's not get into all that!

know what I like? ground fog on moonlit meadows. it's so sensual. if I ever do make films, I'm working it in.

know what I hate? people who criticize other people for being spoiled by their parents. I swear, I'm about sick of it. few spoiled kids ask to be pampered. granted many of us grow up ignorant of certain productive values, but it's unfair to chastise us for it. I've gotten the "spoiled brat" rap all my life, and I don't deserve it--simply because I never ask for more than I need. I often get it, but I can't stop my parents from being generous, although I have tried time and again. wanna call me spoiled? I'll be glad to give you my 'rents phone number and you can tell them that you disapprove of the way they take care of me. to all my fellow brats out there--just be as self-sufficient as you can. show the fuckers up. to all those who've ever dissed decent folk for being spoiled, get your freakin noses out of the air and tend your own gardens. our credit cards, our nice cars, and our nice toys don't hurt you a damn bit. get over it.

anyway. my plan for the weekend is to get tan. will keep everyone posted.

oh, and a couple new links on the left. because everyone should waste time online the way I do.

warning: useless rant ahead

I don't know why, but I have never been able to tolerate beach music. I heard a radio ad for a beach music festival in va today and it gave me a headache. I'd rather be seen in public with gilbert godfrey than attend such a travesty. and I always have a hard time explaining to people who aren't from the southeast what beach music is. it's not even an allmusic.com genre. contrary to popular belief, the drifters aren't beach music--not enough horns, and the rhythm isn't exactly right. spiral staircase is closer but not quite...and who knows who they are anymore? I just tell people, "think lots of trumpets, involuntarily snapping fingers, and torture." why I think shag is such a great movie I'll never know.

warning: toffee-nosed treatise on 20th century culture ahead

seeing singin in the rain last night was marvelous. a reminder of how much I love 1920s culture. by far my favorite decade.

the 50s were mass induced complacency in the wake of war. bring on ike and the automatic dishwashers and rock around the clock til we fall asleep in our twin beds and what could really go wrong in the suburbs? pass the instant mashed potatoes. please.

God love 'em, but the 60s were a somewhat simpleminded reaction to the blase 50s. america is boring, let's fix it! let's protest things, anything! let's make a difference! let's rebel! but let's smoke up first, maybe drop some acid. woo...yeah...avoiding reality is fun. hey...weren't we going to do something? never mind. does anyone have a guitar?

the 70s. uh huh. the decade that made pointing your finger in the air a valid dance move. at least in the 20s people wiggled them. and who wants to wait in long lines to gas up an amc gremlin when they can fill the stutz bearcat with ethyl at leisure?

and enough has been said about the 80s. money, hair, "new coke" and the powdery kind. and what were the 90s, anyway? the decorate-with-candles decade? the ace of base decade? pass the latte bong, fellow downsized gen-Xer. it's time for friends.

the 20s weren't perfect. they lacked foresight and they ended badly. but they were all about living for the day and living for yourself, and they made no bones about it. and the fact that people could still have a good time in spite of all the nastiness--prohibition, the red scare, teapot dome--might show a lack of social concern, but I also see it as strong evidence for the decade's individualism. the 20s gave us fitzgerald, sinclair lewis, t.s. eliot. count basie, cab calloway, the carter family. the lindy, the ghandi, and the talkie.

can you get running boards for a vw passat? 23 skidoo!

just killing a few minutes before josh gets here and we go to barbecue/singin in the rain. job hunt today was kinda 50/50. but again, in fear of jinxing anything, I'll withhold details until more is heard.

tracy (carra's sister) is passing through again tonight; apparently a falling out with her bf is forcing her back to al. -abama, that is. but she's great to have around.

fanny used the litterbox! here's hoping it sets a precedent.

laura's 19th birthday; gotta give her a call. she has a job. but she's a telemarketer. not that there's anything wrong with that, but if she was CEO of fingerhut or something I'd be resentful. wait a minute...

I am, however, jealous of carra for going to bonnaroo this weekend. lucky bitch.

I dunno what is with today, but traffic's horrible. I'd better shag ass, as it could well take several hours to get back to brassfield.

and in case y'all haven't heard...

bernadette peters did NOT win the tony for best actress in a musical!

what kind of world do we live in?

I have yet to post about the newest resident of 4109. she's an adorable kitten that carra has christened fanny (for the song "the weight"). problem: we cannot housebreak the damn thing. she prefers carpet, tile, anything to her litterbox. any advice would be welcome, or else fanny will soon be out on her...well, herself.

speaking of cats, I saw a children's book the other day with the greatest title/cat name ever: varjak paw. if you know why that name is so brilliant, then you rule. if not, ask me sometime.

am getting very tired of spherion's excuses. applied for four more jobs, and am going out on another citywide hunt tomorrow.

my time at home was nice. lots of eatin and sleepin. I don't do quite as much of either here, so maybe gso is the best environment for me, all things considered.

got the first 'leccy bill for the apartment. only $36, which is great news for both carra and myself.

I should really eat, or something. haven't done that yet. yeah food.

thought of the day: the anna nicole show is the best thing to hit tv since color.

quote of the day: "mark my words--by the end of the week, you'll have a job." - mom
will keep that in mind.

day of the day: prince's birthday. let's go crazy.

back to gso tomorrow. la de dah.

mom's coming down the walk with a bag of bellacino's grinders. that's definitely a reason to sign off!

a fun little online quiz:

answer the following questions with song titles from your favorite band
(mine are belle & sebastian, naturally)

are you male or female?
a space boy dream

describe yourself
freak

how do some people feel about you?
expectations

how do you feel about yourself?
it could have been a brilliant career

describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/interest
I don’t love anyone

where would you rather be?
ease your feet in the sea

what do you want to be?
my wandering days are over

describe how you live
sleep the clock around

describe how you love
the boy done wrong again

share some words of wisdom
fuck this shit

back in blueworld. really needed to escape life in 4109. still no job news, not even any word from freakin blockbuster video. am I that unemployable? also, as cute as the kitten is that carra brought home, I'm tired of cleaning up its messes, especially since she seems to always crap on the carpet when I'm making food. maybe it'll have started using the litterbox by the time I return.

speaking of returning, I'm so worried about getting work. I've done some major priority reevaluation lately. I initially thought it'd be worth it to work a crappy job and pay my own bills if I could be in GSO with my friends. nope. don't think so. besides, I can't even seem to get a crappy job, much less a nice one.

as much as I'd hate to do it (and as precarious a position that it would put josh in), if I can't find something halfway decent by the end of the summer, I may just have to come back and live here. for my bank account and my sanity. I'm really trying to find a job, though, because that's the last thing I want to happen. I'm not asking for an executive position, just something that doesn't involve asking about super sizing. but I think I probably will find something...won't I?

furthermore, I've become so much more aware of the necessity of job security that I'm strongly considering applying to doctorate programs in clinical psychology again. not that an advanced degree in psych would guarantee work, but it would be a more sure thing that film. sigh. we'll see.

back to "e true hollywood story: rosie." gotta love this life.

back in blueworld. really needed to escape life in 4109. still no job news, not even any word from freakin blockbuster video. am I that unemployable? also, as cute as the kitten is that carra brought home, I'm tired of cleaning up its messes, especially since she seems to always crap on the carpet when I'm making food. maybe it'll have started using the litterbox by the time I return.

speaking of returning, I'm so worried about getting work. I've done some major priority reevaluation lately. I initially thought it'd be worth it to work a crappy job and pay my own bills if I could be in GSO with my friends. nope. don't think so. besides, I can't even seem to get a crappy job, much less a nice one.

as much as I'd hate to do it (and as precarious a position that it would put josh in), if I can't find something halfway decent by the end of the summer, I may just have to come back and live here. for my bank account and my sanity. I'm really trying to find a job, though, because that's the last thing I want to happen. I'm not asking for an executive position, just something that doesn't involve asking about super sizing. but I think I probably will find something...won't I?

furthermore, I've become so much more aware of the necessity of job security that I'm strongly considering applying to doctorate programs in clinical psychology again. not that an advanced degree in psych would guarantee work, but it would be a more sure thing that film. sigh. we'll see.

back to "e true hollywood story: rosie." gotta love this life.

back in greensbohemia after four delightful--albeit tiring--days. best to summarize those days as follows:

Lists--The Chicago Trip

A. Ten Things I Learned on the Chicago Trip
1) Long road trips (17 hours up, almost 20 back) are a blast, at least if you're in a comfy car with cool people.
2) Indiana is large and boring and very confusing when you're trying to establish what time zone you're in.
3) Toyota Camrys get ridiculously good gas mileage.
4) The ending theme song from Wild Things is by Morphine.
5) Berea, KY is even more wonderful than I'd thought possible.
6) Brynn rules. I mean, I already liked her, but now I'm aware that she rules.
7) Yoga mat notwithstanding, sleeping on sorority house floors is a rough way to go (not that I didn't appreciate it).
8) I shouldn't try to get around interstate tollbooths by driving directly through major metropolitan areas. It's not clever; it's just being a cheap bastard.
9) Playing air flute is much funnier than air guitar.
10) I should look at grad school options in Chicago.

B. Five Things That Make Chicago Superior to NYC
1) Kickass pizza
2) Less image conscious
3) Gorgeous Lake Michigan
4) MUCH cheaper
5) Downtown area is cleaner and prettier to look at

C. Five Things That Make Chicago Inferior to NYC
1) Sloooow public transport
2) Freakin cold
3) Somewhat less nightlife
4) Street system makes less sense
5) Um...I can't think of five (see List A, Item 10).

D. Ten Funny Things Between GSO and Chicago
1) Stinking Creek Road
2) Gourmet popcorn farm
3) Man o' War Boulevard
4) Slush Puppie warehouse
5) the Knoxville Sunsphere
6) fallen rock painted and dressed up beside road
7) KFC museum
8) water tower that says "Florence Y'all!"
9) water tower that says "[forgotten name of town] (for pete's sake!)"
10) Berea in general

E. Ten Things I Did in Berea
1) Got coffee (twice, once with scone)
2) Stayed at Days Inn
3) Drove
4) Used toilet (various times)
5) Smoked cigarette
6) Was a streetcorner tough
7) Bought a hoodie
8) Showered
9) Hung around college campus
10) Took motel pamphlet just because it said "Berea" on it

the picnic was nice. it ended up just being me, james, carra, and charles with some kfc in the park, but it was good. the weather's still nippy, but pretty enough. ended up coming back to 4109 for tequila and movies. watched harold and maude for the first time in a while last night. I had forgotten how powerful it is; it's the kind of movie that changed lives upon its release and still does.

I have absolutely got to find a steady job. being kept in suspense by spherion is not helping my sanity or my wallet.

segway into: lately I've felt like my life has become a complete vacuum. seen groundhog day? than you have some idea of how I'm existing. I've gone through periods like this before, where absolutely nothing happens. but as living off-campus is less conducive to random events, could this vacuum last indefinitely? although I'm happy with my social life, it's still markedly limited compared to what I'm used to. I guess it just takes some time to adjust; not working has made me feel isolated as well.

up until now, I think part of me has believed that my new situation was only temporary, that I'd go back to the same-old same-old at guilford before too long. the novelty has worn off; the apartment has become more of a fact than a toy, and I've become steadily more aware of how much is going on in the world around me. emphasis on "around."

not that I'm unhappy, exactly. I couldn't be more pleased with my roommate, my home, and my friends. I'm just...numb, and upset with myself for not being more productive. that will change.

anyway, time to nudge my chin a little higher and keep on doin what I'm doin.

no beach yesterday; tia had to work really late so we've put it off til another time. fine by me. I was able to conserve some money, at least, which I've been trying to do. although I blew $10 today on the hipster handbook at barnes and noble. it's hilarious but also scary, really--I have hipster characteristics that I didn't even know were hipster characteristics. if you like a good chuckle at the expense of indie kids, give it a look-see. it's deck.

hope the rain has stopped for good. have planned a memorial day picnic for tomorrow for eight or so people to be held at battleground park. well, if it's nasty we can have it indoors.

heather has yet to be in touch, but I'll give her a day or two before I harass her. I sure would like to hear, though, whether I have a shot at the wrangler job. just to cover all my bases, I'm picking up an application tomorrow at--gulp--blockbuster. of course on tuesday I can call the wonderful folk at spherion to hear how dismal my situation is there. I'm starting to believe that temp work ain't for supporting yourself; it's for bored hausfraus who are sick of the junior league. hooray for bachelor's degrees.

now that I've checked, the skies are supposed to clear up tomorrow. maybe some sunshine will brighten my outlook a little. it could use a bit.

oh! and! very, very good news:

the dvd release date for bartleby has finally been announced for july 8.
by the same token, the special edition dvd of duel is AT LAST coming out on august 12.

have I pre-ordered both yet?

what do you think?

well, I've been up for two whole hours now. I thought it might take until at least july for carra and I to start feeding each other's craziness, but no. we stay up until dawn every night just bullshitting, but last night it degenerated into both of us lying down and smacking ourselves in the head with our feet making "meeeeeeehhhhhhhhh" sorts of noises. not that I'd have it any other way.

had a nice night out with heather last night. we saw a mighty wind--granted it's not as good as the other christopher guest flicks, but it's definitely and absolutely worth seeing. then to coffee, then to ny pizza for $2 guinness with heather #2 and a crew of their friends. get this: so there are openings for interns doing various computer things at wrangler. the pay's $10/hr, it's full time, and I have experience with the right software. heather's going to tweak my resume so the suits there will like it. granted it's probably just a summer opportunity, but it would be reliable work until the fall. I won't hold my breath, but we'll see what happens.

which brings me to spherion. nothing yet. memorial day weekend and all, they weren't expecting anything and I shouldn't have been. but it's frustrating. I'm still only one very small step removed from unemployed. hence the wedging feet into other doors.

the forecast for wilmington metro is clear skies for tomorrow, so atlantic ocean here I come, provided natia is still free. as much as I value time to myself, I don't want to expend resources just to hang out at the beach by myself all day.

speaking of the beach, I think I'll go eat dinner.

sorry about the unprecedented few days of not posting; I'm sure everyone's been heartbroken. so I got the spherion job, whee! my computer testing was enough to counterbalance my lack of experience, thankfully (who knew that I could type 83 wpm with no mistakes?!). I call tomorrow to get my first work assignment. although I hope this one's fairly short-term--I still want to go to chicago w/josh, and will certainly do so provided that I'm not workin. I'm not thrilled to be working as a temp, really, so I'm keeping my eyes peeled for other opportunities. but as long as I get the rent paid, and it ain't food service.

sidenote: I went for some coffee after leaving spherion's offices. can I just say how many weird looks you get wearing a tie on tate street? especially when you pull up in a big honkin suv?

addendum to sidenote: I miss my car, but it should be ready shortly.

carra is also employed as of yesterday! she begins work tomorrow, at fye. speaking of josh...

last night was good. emily, tom, and charles all stayed over. there was much drinking of rum to celebrate the end of involuntary gabin' in 4109. charles conked out early, so I was a gracious host and let him have my bed while I couched it. before bed, though, carra and I sat on the lanai (patio to you non-golden girls fans) and talked until almost 6:00 a.m. about a little of everything. loved it.

natia and I are headed for the coast on saturday, provided the weather's fine. haven't been to an nc beach since I was a toddler. should be a hip-hoppin good time.

time to go shopping for a computer desk. I'm so sick of sitting on the floor to print out resumes.

I was contacted today about interviewing for a position at spherion. spherion is a staffing firm, so I'm not certain exactly where I'd be working. nor am I exactly certain what the position in question entails. I know only that I have the basic skills required for a full-time job which pays in the low 20s per year. come tuesday at 2 pm, we'll find out.

had dinner at backstreets with nicole, then tagged along while she bra shopped at vickie s. she's quite stoked about med school, which I understand. ah, to have such direction!

the poltergeist in my parents' house has been particularly active since I've been here. I'm puttering around my room when a round rug--which had been wedged firmly behind a bookcase--rolls out on its edge and circles into the middle of the floor. yesterday a stack of videotapes randomly fell.

for those of you not familiar with the house's history, the original owner was murdered and his daughter later died here (in my room). we're always finding things around the house that no one owns or has put there, like Christmas lights and pairs of jeans. the antique clock upstairs randomly chimes, although no one winds it. there's one bedroom in the house that several people have refused point blank to enter, for no reason that they could name. a ball of blue fire once shot across the bedroom adjacent to that one. footsteps have been heard walking down from upstairs, although no one is there. and once I was awakened by a pounding outside on my wall, although my bedroom is one story up.

I love this house.

anyway, time for my reruns. if only the stupid dog would shut up barking; he only does it to hear himself. I need to look up the location of the nearest sausage factory and brandish the address at him.

I was looking at some recent (as in past few days) pictures of me tonight, and there's just no delicate way to put it. I cannot believe how fat I've gotten. stepping on the scales confirmed it; I weigh the most I ever have. I know not a lot of people think I'm overweight, but you'd be surprised how much you can hide under the right clothes. I'm not judging myself in terms of society, or in relation to any of my friends or family, but by my own standards. no more of this rampant snackage. diet time, hardcore.

and will some employer please contact me, if only to say "drop dead?" thanks a heap.

ah, the joys of "nature's air conditioned city!" I'm having a swell time watching reruns and scarfing crap. tonight I've managed to put away reese's bites, two hot dogs, some beef jerky, two popsicles, fruit by the foot, and quite a lot of gummi bears. all washed down with dr. pepper. my periodic intense cravings for dr. pepper are, like my attraction to david faustino, something that I will never completely understand. now I just have to decide if I want to start in on the hostess donuts and risk being violently ill.

Q: why is tv land the best network ever?
A: macguyver reruns. I really have to get cable at my apartment.

funniness at wal-mart tonite: there was a very trailer trash chic couple in front of me in line. in addition to their groceries, there was a leopard print negligee for her (I suppose) and a pair of iridescent blue boxers for him. I had to choke back an urge to walk up, nudge them, and mutter, "send me the reprints, ay? ay?" upon going to my car I spotted them sucking face in their s-10 pickup.

I can only hope that their case of dog food won't be a factor in their exploits.

got an e-mail from letter arts book club today. the position I applied for has been filled. sigh. well, it wasn't one I wanted much anyway. still. I keep having to tell myself, "you're not a bum. bums don't actively look for jobs." I figure I have enough socked away to sit on my ass all summer and wait for the perfect job to come along, but I just can't do that. come june, mickey d's, here I come.

think I might pour another pepper and take a bath.

STILL haven't gone back to bluefield, but I honestly do plan to tonight. I've just had so much to do, straightening and organizing. and be proud: I've applied for so many jobs that I can't remember what they all are. I'm absolutely perfect for the content editor position at thedepot.com; I meet all of their requirements and their "pluses." let's just hope they see it.

ran into heather and her friend heather at tate street yesterday; they talked me into dinner and drinks at the exchange. I didn't know "other heather" very well, and it's often difficult for me to talk with new people. but when she started tossing back martinis and parliaments and brought up saddle creek records, I knew it would be just fine. hope I see more of both of them.

that encounter was also great in that it helped allay my fears of post-GuilCo loneliness. I've been so scared about the campus-GSO social transition. but so far no prob. of course, having such a wonderful apartment-mate helps.

there were sketchy workmen installing the new linoleum in my bathroom when I left. hope they finish by the time I get back.