the powers that be are against my getting from point a to point b, for some reason. my usual route home from work is completely closed off, and every alternate that I've tried is either closed or seriously under construction. it just isn't fair. a 30 minute drive home is bad enough without having to traipse down every acussed woods road between here and trinity to get home in under an hour.

las vegas is attacking the high point furniture market with one of their own. this is a bad thing. I'd like to ask my faithful blog readers to join me in being part of the solution: boycott las vegas! it's quite simple. just don't go to las vegas. I'm also considering sending blank postcards to the vegas chamber of commerce to show them just how NOT in vegas I am. another thought: anonymously mail them printouts of travel itineraries to atlantic city and/or reno. viva las vegas my ass!

lately I've come to believe that if my life gets any more banal I'm going to lose all coloring and appear only in black and white. all retro coolness aside, I don't think I'd like that. boring boring boring boring boring. jeremy's world, the big snoozefest. granted I'd rather have boring than bad, but I could do with a little interesting/good.

I've discovered the best comfort food ever: graham crackers (the honey ones, not cinnamon) and nutella. yes, lately I've been getting very comfortable indeed with that combination.

I really hate it when people refer to their son/daughter as "the baby" when the damn kid is old enough to walk and talk. this idea is unfortunately supported by I love lucy, in which little ricky is referred to as "the baby" until he's about twenty-three years old. if you are such an imbecile that you can't remember your toddler's proper name, you shouldn't be a parent.

I don't even want to talk about the approaching dawn of the school year. I dread it just as much as justin and josh, if not more. I've gotten used to justin being around all day, every day. I'm feeling lonely already (and yes, I know that I'm clingy and dependent, but if he doesn't mind neither should you).

I should read audio books for a living. all the best male narrators are named jeremy...well, my two favorites, j. piven and j. irons. just hand either one a cereal box and have them whisper sweet nothings of thiamin and niacin into my ear.

speaking of, justin and I have begun lists of rules to enforce when we take over the world. one of mine is that jeremy piven will no longer be allowed to remove his chest or stomach hair. he will be required to check in for an inspection every two weeks to ensure that it is intact. if not, he shall receive six months in prison, followed by six months of probation, during which time he must always wear a t-shirt in public with a picture of patrick warburton and the caption "this is what a real man looks like" on it.

sorry. it's a big deal with me. trim if you must, guys, but a little fur is a good and manly thing.

anyway, I've got totino's crisp crust pizza to eat.

sorry it's been a while, but most of what has gone on lately has had me too perturbed to even bitch about it here--not good, eh? one of the tires on the miata blew out the other day. after fix a flat failed to repair it and I discovered that I was without the tools to install the spare, I had no choice but to slowwwwwly drive it home (could have called aaa, but I guess it just didn't occur to me at the time). anyway, I DID call aaa the next day for a tow...which took two hours to arrive. I go ahead and get taylor's auto to put four new tires on. I drive out of the parking lot and hear/feel a horrid scraping coming from the troublesome wheel. turns out part of the trim had been knocked loose and was hitting the tire, rendering the car undriveable again. finally I took it to city motors where they repaired the trim properly for free. best place ever. but anyway, it was a dreadfully annoying week.

trip yesterday: to concord to shop and buca's in pineville to eat. great stuff, as always.

finally got around to mowing the lawn this evening...although the mower hit some kind of vent pipe in the yard and sheared the top off. guess the water folks will have to come out and take a look.

I LOVE JUSTIN SO MUCH! (sorry, just really wanted to see it in print at the moment)

I think most people know the term "nymphomania," but did you know that that word can only apply to females? if you want to call a boy a horndog, you have to say that he suffers from "satyriasis." just a fun word to be able to throw around.

I could spout off random crap for hours, but the damnable heat has drug me out. I think I'll collapse under an air vent for a while.

since I moved I've found the best bridge in greensboro. it's a little one on 16th street called the billy "crash" craddock bridge. attractive railings and a sweet little hump in the middle that can leave a flutter in your stomach if you hit it at a decent speed.

of course I had to look into who this craddock gentleman was. since I find it amusing--because it's almost absurdly thorough--I've posted here an excerpt from the minutes of the june 3, 2003 greensboro city council meeting at which the structure was named:

147-03 RESOLUTION NAMING THE 16^TH STREET BRIDGE IN HONOR OF BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK

WHEREAS, Billy “Crash” Craddock has served as an unofficial ambassador for the City of Greensboro for many years and in many places throughout his worldwide career in entertainment;

WHEREAS, the youngest of thirteen children, Billy Wayne was born June 16, 1938, at what is now 2406 Hubbard Street in the White Oak community just south of 16^th Street where he became known as “Crash” Craddock while playing high school football for Rankin School;

WHEREAS, his singing career began when he was a member of a group known as the Four Rebels who played for the teenagers at the Fairview Recreation Center about 3 blocks from the 16^th Street bridge;

WHEREAS, his music career was launched after an appearance on the Arthur Godfrey Show, which led to nine number one records and appearances on The Dick Clark Show; The Academy of Country Music in Los Angeles and in Nashville, Pop Goes The Country in Nashville, Nashville Now, Crook and Chase out of Nashville, The Grand Ole Opry and The Wellborn Brothers Show;

WHEREAS, national and international stardom in the music world has not kept Crash from his roots in Greensboro where he has remained throughout his career, raising three children, playing the role of father, brother, grandfather, neighbor and friend to those in his hometown;

WHEREAS, Crash’s lesser known but important appearances include a benefit softball game for autistic children of North Carolina; an Asheboro benefit enabling a loan payoff to the children’s ball field; Hospice benefit in 1999; and many additional hours to benefit those in need;

WHEREAS, it is both deserving and appropriate that the bridge located on 16^th Street be named in honor of Billy “Crash” Craddock.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE CITY COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF GREENSBORO:

That for the many years of devoted and outstanding services rendered to the City of Greensboro and its citizens by Billy “Crash” Craddock and as a deserving tribute the City Council does hereby direct that the bridge on 16^th Street shall be named the “BILLY “CRASH” CRADDOCK BRIDGE” in honor of this dedicated citizen.

(Signed) Donald R. Vaughan

on celebrities:

there's not a lot to be said for ann coulter, but the woman's legs are right up there with rupaul's in terms of overall quality.

it's taken me 24 years and numerous viewings of will ferrell's snl routine, but I've finally realized how funny robert goulet is.

am I the only person who thinks that demi and ashton make a positively adorable couple?

the only celebrity whom I believe should actually have a reality show: phyllis diller. even if all she did was play bridge in every episode, I'd rather watch her than hulk hogan any day.

ongoing drama: did NOT find any bookshelves yesterday, although a great meal at the cheesecake factory was had.

more of same: probably a good thing that we didn't find any, because I had to go out and spend $360 ($280 after rebates) on a new monitor tonight after the old one died. okay, so I didn't HAVE to get a flat screen. but damn it looks good.

tomorrow is officially the last day I'm a resident of 4109. worked like a trojan (one of mom's expressions) for hours today to get the place cleaned out and still am not quite finished. looks like I'll be celebrating the 4th in the empty apartment with the vacuum cleaner.

speaking of the holiday, I almost drove off the road last night when I was startled by a neighbor's giant uncle sam figurine on the roof of his/her porch. menacing.

boyohboy, do I need to take a shower.

went to sheetz for a sandwich and fries after work, a not uncommon activity for me. what WAS uncommon, however, was waiting for thirty minutes for my food. my past several experiences at the revered establishment have not been up to par. I've written a scathing e-mail to the company. grr.

going to durham today to look for bookshelves. it's becoming too hard to convince myself that the cardboard boxes on the living room floor are working as a decorating scheme/storage system.

my neighborhood has an ice cream truck AND an avon lady. I knew there was something edward scissorhands-esque about this place.

I'm reading a most enjoyable book, boogaloo on second avenue by mark kurlansky. unwanted side effects of reading said book are eating too much rich pastry and confusing the hell out of everyone by peppering my conversation with even more yiddish than before.

schluffy time.

well, I'm back online now in the new digs. what with the hellish experience of moving and all I haven't had much time to update. but the house is looking better than I could have imagined. scores of people have been in and out, installing things and repairing little flaws that we've found (so far just a crack in the window moulding and a bubble in the foyer floor, nothing big). I'll have to take some photos and post them as soon as all the boxes are unpacked and everything put away--probably sometime in october.

and yes, I got my dyson. it's all that they say and more. justin mentioned that the design reminds him of the proton packs in ghostbusters. although I'm glad I don't have to strap it to my back, it's not a bad comparison.

the security system was installed by adt today. burglars beware. it's nice to have, especially since I'm not accustomed to living up here yet. it's creepy. no sirens, no traffic noise, no drive-thru speaker at taco bell. and dark! I think I might actually have seen a star the other night. hard to believe all this is ten minutes from downtown. well, with all the recent residential and business development it could be a limited time only deal, but hopefully it'll last a while. seriously, though, a new house's foundation gets poured every week. literally.

speaking of development, demolition of the old carolina circle mall has begun. I am so upset that I didn't try going in and exploring it first. can you imagine a better prospect for urban exploration than a derelict two-story shopping mall that once had a ice skating rink in the center? it's a wet dream. I may try poking my head in yet, although I might cover it with a hard hat first.

almost time for work. that hasn't changed.

so this morning justin called the attorneys and found out our final closing costs on the house. we had initially been quoted about $1400.00.

$396.

so I'm getting my dyson vacuum now.

sorry that I haven't been as punctual with the updates as usual lately, but the bulk of my time has been consumed with packing boxes and doing other move related things. I haven't gotten an ulcer yet, but give me time.

I enjoy spending so much more time with justin, naturally. under his good influence I've actually been getting up at the previously unheard of hour of 1 p.m. yowza.

a new link on the left so that everyone can keep abreast of what laura's up to.

also, a new system. my guestbook will stand--and feel free to take advantage of it--but in case anyone wants to comment on a single entry (and by that I mean you, shana, since no one else cares about me enough to comment on my blog), just click on the wee plus sign at the end of said entry.

and it's off to do a little shopping.

oh, and: upstairs neighbor? not dead. such a disappointment.

we had the final nor'easter walk through on friday and went back today to measure for blinds. so I took and posted quite a few interior pictures in the gallery. some are serious, others I took some pseudo-artistic liberties with. take a look.

back in gso after a nice weekend in wv. I love visiting my parents, but it always makes me emotional. being back in my old house reminds me of how much simpler my life used to be, and how much ambition I had. and even though I know it's melodramatic, I find myself thinking that my family is disappointed in me, and that I don't deserve all the support they've given me over the years. I know the former isn't true; the latter may be. I'm just hard on myself--I've always been my own harshest critic.

moving day is drawing nigh. craziness. so is the rilo kiley show. happiness!

my latest product endorsement: cool mint moisture shave by kiss my face. you'll never apply a razor to anything else again.

time to shower so I can have hair UNlike alfalfa's. wow, I'm an anachronism.

P.S. speaking of anachronisms, this website is fuh-nee.

it's official: I have become a disgustingly conspicuous consumer. I just ate over $6 worth of smoked salmon in one sitting. actually, one standing--I was too much of a pig to even leave the kitchen counter.

I've become concerned that my upstairs neighbor is dead. he just moved in last week; I saw him once and said hello sometime last wednesday. but I haven't seen him since. his blinds are never opened. but what really triggers my suspicion is that his car clearly hasn't been moved since we spoke. some tree or other released a hurricane of seed pod things last week, and the ones on his bmw remain undisturbed by wind or wiper. did he go out of town in another car? strange thing to do right after a long distance move (bless him, he's from new jersey). I hate to think that I'm sharing my building with a corpse.

I'm still angry with myself for not dragging my ass out of bed and watching the burlington building implosion on monday. the first major implosion here since 1971 and I sleep through it. if you feel my pain, wfmy has some nice video.

in response to justin's entry: amen to that!

sorry about the lack of updates to the nor'easter gallery, but until recently most of the work has taken place on the interior; the exterior completion just sorta exploded. but check out the new pic (author's note: webshots is being a big ol bitch as of publication, but keep checking back)--as you can see, we almost have a finished product. just need to get the trees, bushes, and major appliances and we're set! got a great deal on the insurance, too. a month and counting until the move...I get tired just thinking about it.

it's a few days late, but:

five things i learned at the greek festival in w-s on sunday:

1) at times, greek folk music sounds suspiciously like prog rock. I mean, you KNOW goblin must have toyed with a bazouki at some point.
2) cheap white wine tastes much better when you call it retsina.
3) you can get nesting dolls painted to look like pretty much anything. space shuttles, the beatles, and most importantly...nuns.
4) compared to other ethnicities, there seems to be a startlingly high number of muscular men under 5'10" who can claim greek heritage. just my type...gives "greek love" even more happy connotations.
5) greek coffee goooooooooooood.

so yeah, the greek festival pretty much kicked ass.

due to inclement weather I drove cedric to work today--such a good car! it's a shame I don't use him more often, but what a petrol guzzler. and in 'phelia I have the added perk of knowing that I can take 25 mph curves at 50 without even squealing the tires. not that I'd, ahem, know anything about that.

another misheard lyrics experience: in robert palmer's "simply irresistible," one hears the line "that kind of love is mythical." for me it was once "her cannelloni's mythical." I wish it really was. I love the idea of mythical cannelloni. can't you just picture fauns and satyrs dining on pasta while unicorns graze nearby and lutes play in the background? I know I can.

haw haw.

According to the "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" quiz:

Why don't you check it out? Or we cut off your Johnson!

some literature, for a change.

I firmly believe that less than one percent of the world's population understands the true nature of homosexuality. as far as widely published writers go, I'd narrow that to less than one-tenth of a percent. and yes, I am including ACTUAL homosexuals in this number.

I know that it's a grandiose statement, but I have come to the conclusion than jonathan kellerman may be the only author I've ever read who really has a grasp on homosexuality. in case you weren't aware, kellerman is a wildly successful and prolific mystery/crime writer known for the "alex delaware" novels. delaware is a psychologist who spends more time entangled in l.a. crime scenes than he does in his profession, much to the delight of kellerman's faithful readers. delaware is a confirmed hetero, but his best friend--an lapd detective named milo sturgis--is gay. alex and milo pool their resources, trap the bad guys, and crack the cases.

these books are not pulitzer material. kellerman has come under fire for poor character development, faulty logic, wild coincidences, etcetera. all the bugaboos that plague nearly every mystery writer, in other words. but the alex delaware novels are fantastically entertaining reads, and I enjoy them a great deal.

so back to my original point. what makes milo sturgis THE gay literary character? well, let's see. he isn't known for his fashion sense. he sure as hell wouldn't be caught dead clubbing. he doesn't idolize judy garland or burst randomly into selections from rent. most importantly, neither he nor his partner is tragically succumbing to AIDS.

it isn't just that kellerman has made milo's character non-stereotypical. it's that his sexual orientation just doesn't matter. milo's homosexuality might get mentioned once in an alex delaware novel, and in general that mention seems primarily to clue in the first time reader who has picked up a book in the middle of the series. milo is "cop." he's "friend." he's "human being." being "gay" isn't even near the top of the list. which is why jonathan kellerman is one of my personal heroes. his own life clearly doesn't revolve solely around identifying as a heterosexual; he recognizes the inherent sensibility of this and applies it to a homosexual character. and God bless him for it.

have I been reading alex delaware novels lately, then? nope. what I've been reading is john irving's a son of the circus. some of you may have heard me discuss my history with irving. how I hated garp and swore off him forever. how I finally deigned to read the hotel new hampshire and changed my tune, and how a widow for one year cemented my eternal love for the man.

a son of the circus is far too complex a novel to summarize--at 800 pages, that's not surprising. but from the first chapter I was hooked, and was tempted to deem the book my favorite irving yet. have you ever loved a book so much that you slow down toward the end, dreading its conclusion? that's what I did. but finally tonight I got to the epilogue. one of the main characters has recently discovered that a close friend (almost a son, really) is gay after knowing him for forty-odd years. so this character, an educated and worldly man, starts volunteering at an AIDS hospice "to understand him better."

huh?

oh, john irving. I think I may have to give you a rest for a while.

and speaking of depression, a heart wrenching piece of news for the old greensboro crew:

wild magnolia's is no more.

stupid people not paying their taxes. dammit.

I'm starting to forget what it was like to make it through a night without feeling depressed.

since I've promised no more cryptic one liners, I'll expound. my job. still like it okay, but hate how it restricts the rest of my life. so I should change to day shift. pros: more time with justin and the ability to go to school at night. cons: money, money, money. I worry that I won't even make enough to pay my bills--if I leave the company I definitely won't. and what of school? what should I study? nothing motivates me but bigger paychecks, and no degree (with the possible exception of computer science, and jeremy don't play dat) guarantees a better job.

for right now, it's a moot point. I can't afford to consider a change until we're settled in the house. so for right now, I stay depressed.

yeah, that's enough expounding.