here comes the pissed off rant.

so, hello! cheesecake IS a damn breeder after all; this time it's straight from the horse's mouth and not based on some obnoxious grapevine gossip (I think mentioning that one lives with one's girlfriend is pretty strong evidence). I could kill scott for getting that started, and that goes double for michelle for passing it along AND encouraging me in pursuit! I should matchstick her buick's tires for that. I estimate that only about 15 people in the office are NOT laboring under the delusion that he's a poof, thanks to their efforts. but do I feel sorry for him? no! I won't tell anyone otherwise unless I'm asked. he's got some nerve being straight; let the whole world think he's a 'mo. I hope guys drive him nuts hitting on him. wait, no I don't. one wink and he's ahead of me (getting hit on by nasty express men salesmen doesn't count). and let's face it, he's probably ahead of me anyway. he's dangerous to homosexuals, that one. he's a siren luring us to emotional downfall. he has to be stopped. dammit, that's it. I'm honestly starting to believe that I'm going to die single. or worse still, end up the downmarket houseboy of some lecherous old antique dealer. death first. no, shopping first. lots of comfort shopping, enough charge card swiping to melt it. I'm going out tomorrow and buying enough new clothes to send an elephant down armani's catwalk. I may seethe with rage, and I may nurse my bruised-but-certainly-not-broken heart for a few days, but I'm going to look good doing it. and look good for myself, not spending absurd amounts of time exfoliating and shaping my bangs to impress that dumb awful...dumb awful...person (not that I, hem, ever did that)!

eat it.

(sorry about that, but I had invested a good bit of emotion in the situation and needed to vent. ah, feeling better!)

had a picnic in the park today, just me and some bruegger's and patricia highsmith (well, she's dead actually, but one of her books). this beautiful weather is too incredible.

I've developed a really nervous stomach lately. consequently, I'm not eating enough. as a result, I stay shaky about half the time. I just bought a shitload of zantac, and hopefully that'll quiet things down. I'm also not sleeping much, though--shoots my concentration all to hell. in a nutshell, I feel a little unglued of late.

upcoming visit from the 'rents on sunday. saturday night I'm tempted to drive to chapel hill to go to the movies again. the dreamers has finally opened!!! but I don't want to go alone, so in all likelihood it'll be a slow couple days. nothin wrong with that...I suppose.

circle up, y'all. cheesecake update.

he is. naturally, so am I. and he knows that I am, but doesn't know that I know that he knows. and I'm not sure whether he knows that I know that he is. I seem to be very much in the know, except that I don't know what to do now. given my timidity in these matters--and the ever growing attraction--it's best to hope that he makes a move, does something detestable, or gets fired as soon as possible. given the situation and the workplace, anything is plausible. needless to say, the warm weather is making things that much more difficult, as it's kept him from wearing that absurd scarf.

but no more about that until new developments occur. and speaking of new developments, there really isn't anything else. guess I'll go eat leftover mexican food.