in light of the "inferno test," here are my thoughts on Heaven and Hell:

as a Christian, I firmly believe in both. I do not, however, see Heaven as a place where harp-wielding cherubs circulate or Hell as a place where fiery tongues snap at the flesh of transgressors. I think that both are relative; otherwise, our souls would give up their individuality upon death, which I don't think happens. whatever your personal Heaven or Hell is, that's what you get.

I don't know exactly what my personal Heaven would be, but I think I know what Hell would entail. it would be remarkably like my Heaven: a beautiful place with unlimited resources and potential. the difference? I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, and somehow it would be my fault. I would be surrounded by happy, sensible people in full control of their lives. I would be given great opportunities for money, relationships, all that, only to squander them unwisely every time. I'd be forced to wallow in the misery of my character faults and innate stupidity. sort of like my life of late, haw haw.

anyway, it's all about the psychological torture, knowing that I'm more senseless and foolhardy than anyone else. because I think that's the most important aspect of Heaven and Hell--always being reminded that your afterlife is your own life's creation. that can be either the ultimate punishment or reward.

"and after setting all that to paper," quoth the boozy pseudo-philosopher, "I decided to go to bed."

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

I'm dead on my feet, but can NOT go to sleep without blabbing about wilco first. the show was phenomenal, one of the best I've ever been to, and I'm not alone in thinking so. sarah stringfield bought ali's ticket (she was sick) and went with us. off we went to asheville.

had a great dinner at a downtown noodle shop, then over to the orange peel--a great venue, pretty big but insanely nice and without a bad place to stand. joseph arthur opened, and he was very impressive--a kind of one man folksy radiohead. the crowd was pretty responsive to him as well.

then wilco. I had hoped for either "monday" or "heavy metal drummer;" that's all I asked of the entire show. they played both. "red eyed and blue," "sunken treasure," "misunderstood." many that I didn't know very well, which I liked--gives me incentive to listen to them more. all were amazing. and the crowd was a great one, very welcoming and appreciative. they knew they were loved. only down side: most obnoxious drunk guys ever in front of us. but nothing short of a random sars outbreak could have spoiled that show. to quote shelley duvall in "annie hall:" "transplendent. that's the only word for this, transplendent." mayhap.

so now it's off to sweet, sweet musical dreams, courtesy of jeff tweedy and his fellow "queens of electrocana."

I'm leaving for asheville to see wilco in seven hours, and I should try to sleep for at least part of that time. but my sleeping patterns have become wonky again, so we'll see.

tonight I went to the gay/lesbian cinema students' presentations on drag. the first was a performance by this awesome drag queen who dressed up as tinky winky and lip synched to "I'm coming out." the second was a documentary on guilford students' views on drag and transvestitism (mostly positive, naturally). both were interesting and informative, not to mention thought provoking.

see, for some reason I've always found drag queens intimidating. it's funny to say, but the idea of going to a full-on drag show has always made me uncomfortable. I think it's because female impersonators are comfortable with their sexuality in a way that I've never been, fully willing to acknowledge their effeminacy. I spend too much time worrying about not seeming masculine enough while these fabulous gals embrace their inner queens. it still makes me feel threatened, but after enjoying tonight I could see myself learning to appreciate it.

in addition to frisco and nyc, I've been trying to come up with another area to consider for post-guilford schooling. I'm gravitating back toward boston, specifically because of emerson college. the school focuses entirely on communications. they offer both b.a. and b.f.a. in general film studies and graduate programs focusing on different aspects of filmmaking. students get access to all kinds of great technology, it's absolutely filled with pierced blue-haired freaks, and has the #1 college radio station to boot. I think I'd like it.

it is so hot in this apartment that I think I'm going to croak. can't open my window--no screen, and I hate mosquitos so much. the a/c is on, blowing lukewarm air. it'll be fun trying to sleep in this. but in case anyone wants to know, due to the heat I'll be doing so in the buff. bring your sketchpads, tap on the window, and prepare to be blinded.

I'm feeling self-absorbed at the moment...

Trivia About Me That People Will Eat Up If I'm Ever Rich and/or Famous:
I always eat jelly beans two at a time. the pair must be of the same flavor. when I chew them, I alternate sides of my mouth.
all my fingernails are permanently ridged from a high fever I had as a baby.
first cd I ever owned: the b-52's, cosmic thing.
strangest physical "talent:" clapping one hand.
I'm descended from scottish royalty (word to my homies in edinburgh--Deus juvat, baby!).
my career goal was once to be a Presbyterian minister.
I'm terrified of helicopters.
I'm fascinated by building demolition.
and finally, there are few things in the world that make me happier than lemon sorbet. very few.

my escapades are sometimes so absurdly useless. today was charles' b-day, and I thought it might be nice to get him something dinosaur related from the discovery channel store. so off ali and I went to w-s, where we ended up buying him a book at borders. we also drove for almost 30 minutes looking for the four star cafe, where I love to eat, only to discover that they were closed on sundays. but I sure as hell got some dippin dots at hanes mall, and that made it worth the trip.

ali and I also watched "she-devil" on amc today. twice. it's so great to know that there's someone else as strange as me in the world. or is it?

my car has to go in the shop now, as the "engine may soon explode" light has come on. I abuse my car almost as much as my body. which brings me to what I was thinking about tonight. think about your body as a separate entity from your actual being. then think of all the shit we put our physical selves through. it actually makes me sad. if the amount of respect I give to the people in my life was only equal to that which I give my body, I'd have no friends. I need to stop smoking, eat more sensibly...and at least scale back my drinking. here's hoping that this summer can be a time of reinventing myself.

which leads nicely into my new series of goals:
1) get buff enough to feel comfortable being nude on camera
2) get a part in a bruce labruce film
3) become the next bruce labruce
this guy is my new idol--he's managing to achieve cult status really quickly; gotta love exploitative gay post-punk art films! click here to check his stuff out, but not if you're a prude. actually, go ahead if you're a prude. do yourself some good.

the bulk of today will be spent recovering from last evening's adventures. I am referring of course to the much touted wqfs party. was it a success? yes and no. in the grand scheme of things, absolutely. our place was absolutely packed, as much as I've ever seen a guilford apartment. it was impossible to move in the living room, and the ramones tribute band went over really well.

but I should have been a little more responsible. I didn't feel like I was drinking too much, but I'm not used to beer and it hit me incredibly hard. as a result, I behaved like a complete idiot for a couple hours before retiring early to my room and being most violently and putridly ill. also, the plan for last night was to fess up to that long-term crush of mine, whom I never saw. all in all, I did have a lot of fun, it just wasn't the night of my dreams.

I'm wide awake now but still feeling nasty, so I think I'll lie down and sip coke.