over the past few days, some big changes have taken place in my life as a whole. first off, I've decided not to go to grad school right away. after going to school two summers out of three plus all the regular semesters, the 'rents and I agree that I need a little break. the plan for now is to stick around GSO and split a place with J, working whatever job I can find that's semi-decent. or not so decent, depending on what I luck into. it's a scary thought, I know, but it's something I feel I need to do. next year I can apply to the schools I'm interested in; I think that a year or so of living in the real world will be enough to convince me that I need to do some more time in the educational system...we shall see.

second, my "situation" has developed into a full blown...drum roll please..."boyfriend." he's wonderful. he's witty/cute/smart/devoted, everything I could want (within reason; I didn't really expect a Scottish accent). but I still haven't let my walls down, and don't know when I will. it's like I said...too many funky Big Macs...you know. I already care for him so much it's scary, and I really think he feels the same. and if I somehow get dicked over this time, I think it'll be the worst fall ever. I know I should relax and enjoy our relationship for the fabulous, amazing thing that it is, but it's not easy. God willing, the wonder of these past few days will last for a long time to come.

tomorrow...well, today...I leave for home, finally. paper's not quite done, so I'll have to e-mail it from home. I'm so irresponsible. I've just been so distracted, as everyone pretty much has. I'll be glad to get home, but sad to be away from my crew and the individual discussed in the preceding paragraph. at least T will be in town; bout damn time!

random thought: John Waters is the most lovable sicko in the whole world. we were totally diggin on Pink Flamingos last night, heh.

time to hit the hay. alone tonight and for the next month. sigh.

what a monday it's been. GREs actually went purty good: 630 verbal, 660 math. more than good enough to get me into the programs I'm shooting for. the writing section went quite well. I got to mention Yoko in an essay, and that's enough to get me full credit I'm sure.

but not until this evening did things really start spinning, albeit in a good way. without divulging too many personal details, suffice it to say that I've found myself in "a situation." you know, it's so hard to stay realistic sometimes. sometimes you just don't want to.

this analogy will serve quite well to illustrate my overall freakishness and dramatic ways in such "situations," but try this: you eat a Big Mac and get violently ill. eat another one later, get sick again. eat another one later (granted this individual is very stupid, but his behavior parallels that of people in PLENTY of other situations)...and so on.

why? because Big Macs taste so damn good that you can't help yourself. and someday, you honestly believe, you'll be able to eat one without yarking.

at the moment, my stomach's fine. but I'm not losing sight of the Pepto-Bismol.

updating my blog, what a novel idea! actually I tried not to do it not too long ago, but the wackta thing didn't post. I dunno.

GREs tomorrow morning. I'm going to be in either the best or worst mood tomorrow that I've been in for a very long time. I've studied pretty diligently, at least, so I shouldn't royally bomb. we'll see.

so how bout that grand GSO power outage? still can't believe that the apartments were without juice for over 50 hours. it was so like purgatory at night, everyone skulking around in shadow and huddled around candles inside. not talking very much, just looking. silence everywhere. I'm glad it's over, but also glad it happened. it was an experience. the question: now that we're out of purgatory, is Heaven the next stop? wow...we can only hope.

gonna sign off for now...luck be a lady tomorrow.