I hope that the past few days have treated all well. Christmas eve with my family was wonderful as always, although it was a shame that my sister and her lot stayed in pennsylvania this year. got a new george foreman grill from the 'rents (the fancy kind with the thermostat) and a beautiful crosley stereo from justin--the retro kind with the turntable, and this one even has a cd changer! I took the occasion to buy fleetwood mac's "tusk" on vinyl.

speaking of which, I'm not one of those people who thinks stevie nicks is a witch, but I'm concerned that she may have sold her soul to the devil. I mean, have you seen her? the woman is fifty-eight years old and looks forty tops. and I'm not seeing signs of much work being done. I've gotten pretty good at spotting surgeons' touch ups. of course sometimes it's easier than others, especially with botox. hello, kathy griffin! it's not natural to look surprised ALL THE TIME!

so it's time to begin another year. I reviewed my resolutions from this one. I can't state that I have completely fulfilled any of them save one. I haven't seen hitch yet! eat that, will smith. I'm proud of myself.

I look at a dawning year differently than I used to. it's different when you live in the "real world." when you're a kid you feel secure that life won't change much. even in college there was more of a sense of stability. you would study, party, hang with your friends and your folks, just like the year before. sure, you could flunk out or lose someone you loved. but it didn't feel like you could. then you graduate. you get a career, a relationship, a home. your close friends aren't as close as they used to be. suddenly you realize that your entire world revolves around two or three crucial elements that could change at any time. your day to day existence could fall on its ass at the drop of a hat. a new year can mean a fresh start, a means to a better life. but the fact is, it's the future. and anything can happen. the worst of it is, I'm not writing this snookered. I'm not even in an especially bad mood. it's just the way I see it.

shit, what a grouch. it's a shame I quit smoking. embittered commentary is so much more effective with a cig and a grimace. I know it's important to remember how lucky we are to have the lives we lead. I'm luckier than most. so here's hoping for the best year yet!

if I had to name a worst personal year, it would have to be 2001. chronologically, here's how it went: dropped out of school, was diagnosed with ADD and depression, broke up with fiance, got job that I hated and walked out on, got much too serious with a mentally deranged guy who walked out on me. then, just when school starts back and everything looks hunky dory, 9/11. yeah, it more or less sucked. more, in fact.

so everyone kiss at midnight, eat greens and black eyed peas, and hope that a dark haired man visits. all that good stuff. just think of it as doing your part to prevent further terrorist actions.

so I'm totally supposed to be in wv right now. I couldn't get all my shit together this afternoon, though, and am leaving in a little bit. so I should get there around dawn, just in time for bed.

speaking of the holidays, one of these is tempting, though I don't celebrate it myself.

so bono's being knighted. am I the only one who is surprised that he hasn't been already? I'm not cuckoo for bono or anything, but considering some of the others who've received the honor, well...

are there certain cities that, although you know they're sizable, it's very surprising to learn that individual people actually live in them? little rock is one of those for me. so's saint louis. fort wayne. until recently, harrisburg.

when naming a child, I think that parents should take into account that certain names help predestine attractiveness as an adult. no guarantees, but some names just imply sex. luke and hannah are two good ones, in my opinion.

whomever did the makeup on scrooged gave bill murray too much eyeliner.

it took the recent snl sketches to convince me, but nancy grace really is awful. not ann coulter awful, but possibly bill o'reilly awful.

I hate to do another post that could come across as pro-microsoft, but since I own a toshiba gigabeat I've been following the intro of the zune with interest (since the gigabeat is basically its predecessor). it's absurd that microsoft would introduce zune and immediately admit that it needs improvement--scratch that, they admitted it before introduction. I believe that the zune will be the player to have. just not yet. even if I was in the market for a new device now, I wouldn't buy until at least spring. I'm thinkin that the first redesign will come through by then.

the next post will likely be post-festivities. have good ones!

I think that if anyone in our society can be said to have a superpower, it's justin timberlake. granted he isn't faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (that we know of). but no matter what he says, does, sings, or wears, he's able to effortlessly convince the public at large that that's the right thing--the fashionable thing--to do. he could bring victorian lace collars back into vogue easily. he could recite dadaist sound poetry and end up in the top 40. he could gain 100 pounds and people the world over would start scarfing twinkies to catch up.

I'm not putting it down. I'm part of the public at large, too.

the information in this post is over two years old, but as it has only now come to my attention it may be new to you as well. sit up and pay attention, class, as this is marginally more interesting than my usual drivel:

I'm a pc user. I am neither proud of that fact nor ashamed of it. I know many mac users. that's their scene, that's okay. I don't want any of them to get offended by what I have to say, because I'm only targeting a small percentage of mac users here. small, but just annoying enough to warrant this little rant.

I'm speaking of the "mac cultists." you know the type. their wee white earbuds are always in, their clothes and hair tend to be fashionably rumpled, and they plaster white apple stickers on most of their personal belongings--particularly the back windows of their vw jettas. it's not just consumer electronics, it permeates their very being. these folks like to crow about mac superiority, bill gates being the devil, and so on and so forth. taking every opportunity to give their poor slob friends o/s envy. for this crowd, the macintosh apple seems to have become the new generation's version of the peace sign: a symbol of individuality, intelligence, and an implied suggestion of screwing the system and loving it.

first off, do you remember this commercial?

I know I do; I remember it well. like many people, I was afraid that it signified the death knell of file sharing. the golden age of free napster was kaput, the feds were cracking down, and we had all better mind our ps and qs.

and only now have I learned that, although the threats weren't empty, we were all getting royally mind fucked.

now watch this and, if you will, read the brief comments that follow the video on the same page (yes, the whole shebang is hosted by mac itself, which makes the whole sitch even more bizarre).

all this may not resonate with you very much. it really hits home with me, though, since I not only remember the tv spot well but was also affected by it in the exact way that pepsi, mac, and the riaa intended. I watch the second clip and think of all those irritating recent mac commercials. you know, the ones with the young hipster verbally squaring off against the stuffy guy in the suit?

wake up, mac nuts. you may consider yourselves party to the lesser of two evils where microsoft is concerned, and maybe you're right. but the apple ain't ambrosia, steve jobs ain't the messiah, and you're not half as rebellious as you'd like to believe.

I'm a fence rider on a lot of issues, I admit. capital punishment is not one of them. here's one of the many reasons why. think that's bad? some of the botched electrocution cases I've studied are much, much worse.

sometimes I wish that, just once, I could give someone 100% and get the same in return. is that selfish?

speaking of percentages, I've realized that I have a set amount of mental energy specifically devoted to worrying. barring catastrophies, I generally worry at the same level all the time. sometimes it's just more equally distributed--several things versus one or two biggies, it can go either way. think pie charts.

I heard a radio commercial refer to the "charlotte-greensboro area."

what?

dirty santa tonight at work. scored a big sampler of tea. heather is now the proud owner of the cordless screwdriver that was my contribution.

another good film seen: sisters, with margot kidder. it's a total hitchcock ripoff, but in a good way. and it takes place on staten island of all locales. I don't think I've seen any other flicks that can claim that. certain scenes, yes, but not entire movies.

adrienne barbeau AND nicholas brendon?!? who wouldn't be looking forward to this movie! and I'm sure you'll agree if you've seen her do it--there is nothing sexier than adrienne holding a gun. nothing.

"jeremy is a big homo" alert: I've discovered the glory that is dita von teese. how does marilyn manson do it? first rose mcgowan, now this lovely lady. I'm missing something.

attention all greensbohemians: eat at backstreets, the new restaurant on battleground. it's good. swank but reasonable. I can't recommend the au gratin potatoes. but order anything else.

where the hell do filmmakers get off listing "special guest stars" in the credits of feature length movies? in my opinion, only tv shows can legitimately list guest stars.

I must not go to perez hilton's website anymore. it's corroding my brain. but, like the proverbial train wreck...

more echos of suburbia: I did a substantial portion of my Christmas shopping at sears.

I think daniel handler might be insane. I think I may be in love with him. too bad he's married. too bad I kindasortamaybeonedayalmostifimlucky am.

the chronicles of narnia. the harry potter series. it was only a matter of time.

lemony snicket.

for an adult, I make a great eight year old.

I usually don't go this long without posting, but I just haven't had the mental energy. I barely have the physical energy to do my daily stuff. I wonder if I should see the doctor. I rely so much on my adderall to give me a kick start and I sleep 12-14 hours on nights that I can get away with it. my diet sucks and I don't exercise for crap, though, and I'm sure those are the primary changes the doc would suggest.

however, I am right on top of Christmas this year. most of my gifts are purchased. and get this: the tree is up. and decorated. it may never happen again.

wanna read the most annoying article ever? I advise against it, but here it is. as a guy I feel obligated to say: "um, no." I've come to the conclusion that there are certain men who can't force themselves to commit to a single partner, but they aren't representational. those guys just shouldn't involve themselves in would-be monogamous relationships; they don't deserve them anyway. if you and your significant other have an "understanding" that you're both fine with, that's cool. but pretending to be committed to one individual when you're playing around is deceitful, cruel, and among the greatest harm you can do to another human being short of killing them outright.

steps off soapbox.

the new centre city park is open downtown. gorgeous fountain--it can even be programmed to do neat tricks like the one at the bellagio. even as a taxpayer, I wholeheartedly approve.

oh, and for your consideration was well worth the wait. go. see. enjoy.

hope everyone ate lots of turkey. or tofurky, if that's your scene. you know, of course, that that whole tryptophan business is essentially a myth. so if dinner made you sleepy, it was probably just your aunt tillie's conversation. that or just massive amounts of food that would make you sleepy regardless of what it was.

think myspace is addictive? pshaw. have some fun with yahoo answers. it's such an easy way of making a difference in the world (and, for students, getting free help with homework). I myself convinced a total stranger to buy a volvo instead of a saab. sorry, saab. and the point accumulation is so addictive. dammit, I WILL get to level two if it kills me!

robert altman has passed away. his death is a great loss for cinema. I don't know that there will ever be another like him.

updated my e-mail link at the top and linked to my myspace profile. I know I should shut petrified fountain down for good, but maybe one fine day I'll actually get motivated.

willow doesn't watch much tv with me. tonight, however, she was completely enthralled with fritz the cat. sat and stared for about an hour. I find this both amusing and disturbing...sort of like the movie itself.

speaking of movies, I'm about to piss myself with excitement over for your consideration next weekend. if your're lucky enough to live where it's playing and have seen it do NOT tell me. I want to watch it with a totally clean slate, without even reading reviews.

many "today's special" clips are on youtube. it's wonderful, and a good remedy for the mean reds. watching segments like this one makes me realize just how gay jeff really was. the things you don't notice as a child!

justin's birthday dinner is at buca di beppo this weekend. I'd better not eat between now and then. I probably won't eat for several weeks following, either.

oh, and the insomnia problem is solved. it had been years since I'd tried melatonin, so I gave it another go. I don't remember that stuff packing so much of a punch. talk about sleeping like the dead.

the new version of blogger is nice.

I want to apologize to anyone associated with me for being off kilter for the past week or so. I've just had a lot on my mind. it's complicated. you know, it's terrible to be depressed and not know why. but I think it can be worse to know why you're depressed and not be able to do anything about it.

a lot of it has to do with how little I see justin these days. he's working a crazy schedule (due to the restructuring of eghs's student body after the fire) that means we don't really see each other during the week. he also has a lot of conferencing and whatnot going on. he can't help it, and he's been more than understanding about my weird hours over the years. it's still tough. if I don't start getting out more I could easily go five days a week without talking with anyone face to face.

speaking of socializing, I was psyched to see the prestige with carra today but I had to stay in bed with a nasty stomachache. yecch. there went my sunday.

I'm so over frosted mini wheats. malt-o-meal blueberry muffin tops cereal blows my mind. I'm going straight into rehab over this stuff.

something else I'm excited about: Christmas. this year I'm truly pumped. I've already started shopping and planning the decor. gives me something to look forward to.

hopefully tonight I can overcome the insomnia that has plagued me lately. it's not good to be going to sleep hours after most of this time zone is awake.

do you ever get the feeling that your life is going, slowly but surely, down the tubes? and it gets to the point where you start having to wonder just where the tubes go? [note: have just learned where the tubes go. makes sense.]

just learned: if your microwave has a turntable, always put your food slightly off center. otherwise the turntable does you no good. can't believe I've gone all these years not knowing that.

after a lifetime of hearing about taxi driver I finally saw it. okay, I don't claim--as some film buffs do--that it's the best thing ever. but I understand WHY people think so, and I enjoyed it immensely. and if you've ever heard me describe "gothfield," it illustrates gothfield more than I thought any film could. but we'll save gothfield for next semester.

I was lame enough to record the war at home sunday just because seth macfarlane guest starred. what a crap show. his voice is beyond orgasmic, although I'm not sure he wasn't fudging it a little for the role (if you're a family guy fan, he was using the "brian" voice). if he ever spoke to me in person in those dulcet tones it would be all over. I don't know what "it" is, but it would be over.

am VERY pleased about the election results on the national front. on the local am somewhat disappointed. I'm unsure just how much the fire station bond was needed, yet it passed (eghs fire a factor?). I know how much the auditorium bond IS needed, yet it didn't. but I have no right to complain, having sat this election out. had I known that I could change my registration info at the polling place I would have done my part, but I truly didn't. well, all stats will be up to date by the next go round, and how.

well, justin's school burned down today. fine kettle of fish. the powers that be have until monday to decide just where everyone is going to go until it's rebuilt...whenever that happens. oh, he'll have a job. it's just a matter of where. still.

hope everyone had a good halloween. nadine threw a smashing early all hallow's eve party last saturday night. I'll get pictures up by the weekend. and no, I haven't forgotten about the car pics. just gotta take some. he/she's still wonderful, by the way. initially he was a boy named xander, but that doesn't feel right. I've yet to be truly inspired. maybe some of y'all can give me some ideas.

I think I can add good ginger beer to my list of culinary weaknesses. it's up there near skippy reduced fat smooth peanut butter, slightly above linguini with red clam sauce. I doubt anything will ever surpass scottish smoked salmon, though. it's my kryptonite. one whiff and my knees buckle. I have actually been known to collapse from the sheer joy of bagels and lox.

we seem to have gone from having unseasonably cold weather to the other extreme. it sure doesn't feel like november. if it doesn't cool off, my annual repeated references to a particular guns n' roses song will be completely irrelevant.

some talented and enterprising film maker HAS to make a pic about this guy. I haven't been able to dig up much info about him--as he would have wanted, I'm sure--but what I have found is fascinating. read this, for example. for some reason I'm picturing him played by david boreanaz, I dunno why.

do you ever get the feeling that all your acquaintances--bosses, co-workers, coffee shop employees, etcetera--secretly dislike you? maybe you detect a note of exasperation in their friendly banter or sense eyes rolling behind your back? I hate being paranoid. guess it's just part of my genetic makeup.

a phrase I hate: "titty bar." tit, titty, and titties in any other context don't bug me. it's only been used in my presence a few times, but I've cringed. probably because the people who've used it are generally not vulgar.

the reason that t---- bars come to mind is because I've heard so many radio commercials for them lately (although they're demurely referred to as "cabarets" or "gentleman's clubs"). and every commercial encourages couples to attend. hmm. I don't know how the majority of straight women feel about attending strip clubs with their mates, so I asked myself, "would I want to go to a male strip club with justin?" the answer: yes. but not for titillation purposes. I'd just want to keep an eye on him. I wonder how many women who go with their men to strip clubs secretly go for that reason.

speaking of nudity, I wonder if animals ask themselves why people bother wearing clothes?

is it possible to become addicted to frosted mini wheats? well, I guess I could have worse habits. I've started keeping a box in my desk at work and periodically munching the little nuggets from about 10 pm until I get off work around 3:30. better that than tater chips.

in the great gatsby, nick mentions his belief that every man suspects himself of having one of the "cardinal virtues." his own, he says, is true honestly. I've asked myself what my own greatest virtue is from time to time. my usual conclusion is humility. I've achieved some fairly impressive things, but I was raised never to crow about them. generally, only when someone else mentions some accolade that has come my way will I discuss it, and then I try to stay as factual as possible.

of course, having written this, can I still claim to be humble?

on a related note, there are few actions that I despise more than hurting other people to achieve personal gain. I'm not sure I've ever done that. I'd make the worst reporter that the enquirer has ever seen.

sorry, watching l.a. confidential has raised some moral issues. fancy cinema making someone think! although I sometimes wish I had less to think about lately. I'm not the most savvy person when it comes to current events, but I try to stay abreast of major stories. and let me tell you, reading the news gets more difficult every day. so many horrible things are happening over which I have no control. in today's society, there is no reason why mankind shouldn't be more intelligent than ever before. so why does it seem that we're backsliding?

I wonder if ostriches have the right idea.

back in the day I made a post about how some people just aren't sexy, and strongly implied that I was one of them. lately I've started thinking again about how true that is. it's not just that I don't meet society's accepted attractiveness criteria, although that's part of it. I just don't feel that anything I could do would make me feel attractive enough. okay, looks aren't everything. but they're something.

so fuck it. I'm not going to try anymore. trying doesn't make a difference.

a thousand thank yous to the mysterious ms. hopper who posted the road construction link. I've been looking for a website like that, since ncdot's main site offers precious little info.

in ireland, stores charge a tax equal to $0.15 on each plastic bag given to you. so if you buy five bags worth of groceries, $0.75 is added onto your total bill. bring your own bags and pay nothing.

that is such a good idea. when will america get with the program? I never put my stuff in a bag if I can carry it otherwise. what I don't understand is why I get treated like a criminal for doing it. take harris teeter, for example. I go though the self checkout, skip the bagging, and take my stuff. I've gotten everything from weird looks to yelling cashiers for doing this, and ALWAYS get my receipt checked. if I was stealing something, wouldn't I put it in a harris teeter bag to make it look less suspect? the logic seems completely wrong to me.

went in the browsery bookshop for the first time in years yesterday and bought a couple of books that I'd been wanting for ages. I love edward mckay's, but so many greensbohemians seem to think it's the only used bookstore in town. not so.

I adore the new wheels, but my finances are in the worst shape they've been in for a while. no more major purchases for me until I get back on my feet. so much for the villa in the bordeaux region that I've been scoping out.

people seem to be into halloween a lot more this year. more elaborate haunted houses, bigger pumpkin patches, more crowds than ever at party city. but that could be my impression because there are few people more halloween crazed than justin. any day I expect to come home and find the entire house covered in synthetic spider webs. it's adorable.

I wish that I'd liked halloween more as a kid, but it's just a testament to my laziness that I didn't. I mean, why dress up and walk around the neighborhood to get candy when my parents could just buy it for me? of course, I was also cripplingly shy. I guess I could always make up for lost time. my last attempt at a costume, though, was "disheveled man." thankfully only justin, nadine, and several thousand strangers in chapel hill witnessed that caper...although the legend lives on.

friday the 13th lived up to its name. I got stuck in stalled construction traffic and was late to work for the first time in perhaps a year. I don't know what the hell they're doing on US 29, but it had better be impressive.

I'm relieved that jean shepherd is dead. it means that I'll never get the opportunity to meet him. I'm glad of that. I'd be so terrified that he wouldn't like me. if shep gave me the brushoff, I'd lose all will to live.

so what happened to lea thompson, anyway? she was everywhere for a few years. I kinda miss her, actually.

have you ever noticed that, in pretty much any film made pre-1960, when a car has three people in it they always sit in the front seat? was it in vogue to cram three people into the front seat of a studebaker? was it gauche to sit in the perfectly good back seat? I'll never understand.

I keep finding out that guys I knew ten years ago have kids now. what disturbs me is that I find this titillating. maybe I'm starting to understand those calendars that have the sexy men posing with the cute babies.

it always amazes me that gay men who hook up with random guys they meet online for sex (as opposed to actual dating, which is, ahem, another kettle of fish) seem to think they're not running any risks. they are. not that anyone deserves to be beaten down--it's the aggressors who are the real scum, of course. but if you're so horny that you resort to slimy behavior, you might pay for it. it's just never been worth the risk for me.

sorry, but I work hard to be an upstanding homosexual citizen. I get rankled when stereotypical gay activities get press, thereby damning us all.

in other news, NEW CAR PURCHASED TODAY! pics to come.

enough of this e. coli crap. it's going to get to the point that the only safe eatin' is human flesh itself. maybe jonathan swift was on to something.

speaking of food, I've gotta do something about my diet, and not just for lardass related reasons this time. I'm tired alllllllll the time lately, although I sleep 8+ hours per night and eat regularly. I guess it may well be the crap I stuff myself with. I pretty much live on hot pockets and barf buckets (by that I mean heat and serve manwich). bad scene.

just when I thought I knew all the best useless trivia:

the name of the shark in jaws is bruce.

I try to refrain from comments as judgemental as this, but sienna miller is a dumb whore. there. I've said it.

I've always been a cologne snob. 4711 has changed that. if it was good enough for george washington it's good enough for me. and I love people telling me that I smell great--I just don't clue them in to the fact that said smell costs a mere six bucks a bottle.

jean shepherd is corrupting my brain. I am still listening to nothing else at work, which amounts to over six hours of shep per day. my conversations are becoming peppered with antiquated slang like "dad" and "bad scene." it's only a matter of time before I start offering people the brass figlagee with bronze oak leaf palm. and it'll make me so sad when they look at me funny. kids today just don't know what's cool.

'rents here today for dad's belated birthday dinner at olive garden, which was great. my present to dad was reminding him that he's now old enough to order from many senior citizens menus. because it really is the thought that counts.

I want to go to frisco and visit tiffany. I also want to go to salem/portland, boston, wisconsin dells (indoor water park capital of the universe), omaha, vancouver, glasgow, dubai, sydney, marrakesh, tokyo, and a few other cities. too bad travel is so time consuming and expensive. if only they'd invent teleportation. of course, then I'd be out of a job.

I'm all in favor of outlawing cell phone usage without headsets while driving. but in return, I think that the cell users of the world deserve better headsets than what are on the market. when I got my razr I got a nifty bluetooth headset. it started gathering dust when I got sick of people being unable to hear more than every third or fourth syllable of my speech. so I got an old school wired earphone. nearly every time I use it, I end up yanking it out and talking on the headset alone so that I can be heard at all. I'm fed up, I tell ya.

speaking of laws: if youtube bites the dust due to all this copyright bullshit, there will be no hope left for me. how can The Powers That Be see a website that only allows 10 minute clips as a threat when full length films are constantly being swapped through torrent usage? some complete movies are on youtube broken up into segments, okay. but if anyone's lame enough to actually download each segment and fuse them together to watch the flick, they will NOT fork out the cash to buy it in the store if they have to.

fun food for thought: you're the hottest new thing in hollywood, and interview magazine wants to run an article on you (in case you don't know--rather than using conventional journalists, interview has celebrities interview OTHER celebrities). who would you want to interview you?

after giving the matter much thought, I'm all about shooting the breeze with julia stiles. we're about the same age, I respect her as an actress, and I think it would be less frustrating to talk with a columbia grad than with some bubbleheaded hollywood poster child.

"fight test" by the flaming lips makes me get all teary. not because it's a sad song--it certainly isn't that--but because it reminds me that college did, in fact, happen. those four years were magic. they really were. I'm happier now, sure. I wouldn't trade my life for anything; I'm so damned lucky! but I miss feeling...that life was finally beginning. I think that captures it pretty well. it was like I spent that time with all five senses maxed out, drinking up the world. there was all this potential, all this electricity.

since I'm not in an overly sentimental mood, time to change the subject. can you believe that there is now a dustin diamond sex tape in public hands? crazy. I have to see it, of course, although it may blind me. I just feel that it's my duty.

I never should have posted about my new car. it's just made me more anxious to get the damn thing. I'll shed tears over ophelia, to be sure. but it's like the week before Christmas when you're a kid, seeing all the gifts under the tree. they mock you, drive you insane with anticipation. there was one holiday season when I was 9 or 10 when, little by little, I picked all the corners off the wrapping paper trying to see what all the boxes were. I thought no one would notice. mm hmm.

by the way, I got a pair of radio controlled race cars that year. they were from the jcpenney catalog. totally sweet.

through some idiocy of mine, I completely vaporized firefox on my computer to the extent that not even a system restore would fix things. all my saved passwords, pfft. all my themes and extensions, pow. and the biggie? about a hundred bookmarks collected over a period of several years, adios. all I can think about are things that I would rather have happened than this. some examples are having all my tires slashed, all my CDs stolen, gaining twenty pounds, and/or the complete destruction of a major household appliance. well. so it goes.

I'm so addicted to old jean shepherd radio shows (shep is best known as the author of and the narrator in A Christmas Story). I don't know if I'm ever going to need audio books again. he's not for everyone. but if you like the idea of listening to a guy ramble aimlessly, yell, and play the kazoo for an hour or so, you'll dig him. best of all, TONS of mp3s of his stuff are available here completely free of charge. the best way to sift through it all is to do a "Search By Artist Name" and type in a random year from the 50s or 60s. my gigabeat runneth over.

it amazes me that, in this day and age, many straight men remain completely ignorant of the whereabouts of the female g-spot. I wonder how many of these guys would also deny the existence of the male g-spot on their own person. I'll bet there's a strong correlation.

speaking of men, here's "a guy thing" that womenfolk should be let in on. don't ever believe a guy when he says, "it's not heavy, it's just awkward" when he lifts something. it's heavy. he just won't admit it.

so I was going to try and keep this under wraps until I had the object in my possession, but I've just gotta say it: I'm getting that new car! I put down a deposit on a black honda fit sport that should presently be en route from japan. it may be a couple of weeks yet, and the anticipation is murder. of course flow honda will have to give me a fair deal on 'phelia or I'll take my money back and tell them to shove it.

I am so stressed I could scream. I'd love to scream, in fact, but since I already have a headache that would make it worse, thereby stressing me out more. I can't win.

not gonna worry about anything all weekend. I shall eat, drink, and be merry. come monday, I will face the coming week with new resolve and a one-two punch.

I hope.

in other news, marie antoinette is the best movie ever. no, I haven't seen it yet--seeing as how it hasn't been released that would be difficult. but the teaser alone is all I need to see (to say nothing of the spectacular full length trailer).

here's a new topic for ya: financial advice. if you're interested in socking away a few dollars, follow in my footsteps and open an account at ing direct. the idea of an internet-only bank is sketchy, sure. but they've got a proven record, they're FDIC insured, and their savings account interest rates are waaaaaaaaaaaay higher than any bank you can walk into off the street.

justin's enjoying his job lately. I'm not enjoying mine. when did we slip into bizarro world? I trust that the situation will be rectified soon. mine, anyway--last week I was overwhelmed with a lot of unfamiliar work, but I'm expecting this week to take a turn for the better. let's hope his career outlook stays screwed up.

I can understand why some bipolar/dysthymic folks love their manic episodes so much that they won't take meds. I miss laughing uncontrollably for no apparent reason. thankfully, as long as family guy stays on the air, I'll at least be able to laugh uncontrollably on sunday nights.

I love a straight guy who's open minded enough to realize that sexual orientation doesn't define who someone is. I also love straight guys who aren't afraid to be physically affectionate--bear hugs, shoulder rubs, that kinda thing--and ones who don't freak out when their gay friends discuss their attraction to particular members of the same sex. but I'll tell you what I don't like: incredibly attractive guys who identify as straight while openly flirting with gay men, all the while having no intention of following up on their overtures.

if anyone reading this has a friend who has a friend who has a friend who knows julian mcmahon, please get him to read this post. yeah, I read your article in the advocate, buddy. fuckin cocktease.

in light of the upcoming holidays, I've begun revising my amazon.com wish list. and YES, all my info is correct this time--anything bought for me will be delivered to the right place. supposing anyone loves me enough to buy me stuff...because really, isn't that what the holiday season is all about?

funny but true: some years ago, one of the Christmas presents that I asked my parents for was a copy of the movie hairspray . my mum got a little confused when she went shopping.

she bought me shampoo.

possibly the best mistake she ever made, though. I'd never seen it before, but have come to regard shampoo as one of the all time great films. far too many people in this day and age haven't seen it, and shame on all of you. go rent and/or buy it right this second.

in other cinematic news, my newest obsession is mamie van doren. why? for a good example, looka here. sorry to offend any marilyn monroe fans, but to me the choice is clear. mamie is THE sex goddess of her time. period. and her time period.

still more cinematic news: all y'all were right about little miss sunshine. hot damn, what a flick! and all y'all critics were right about the covenant. hot damn, what a rotten flick!

I may be pretentious, but I would NEVER use the word "zeitgeist" in polite conversation. people who do should be silenced permanently. it reminds me of something that kurt vonnegut says in a man without a country. I don't remember the exact quote, but he commands the reader never to use semicolons in writing. he says they only prove you've been to college. so I'm trying to cut back.

as usual I'm about five years behind, but I'm pretty sure that sam-e is a miracle drug. now that I've started taking it I'm about as willing to miss one as a hooker is to forget a birth control pill. I'm such a pharmie. is that a word? it is now. it sounds nicer than pill popper. well, at least I can claim a) that I have all the necessary prescriptions and b) that I've never sold any of my drugs. giving them away as party favors doesn't count.

newly discovered wonder of my personal world: cherry kijafa, a syrupy sweet danish wine that's much more potent than most whites or reds. teeter has it here, and I imagine that most wine stores do. try this: put some ice cubes into a tall glass and fill it 2/3 full of kijafa. fill the rest with sprite...and squirt in a good bit of hershey's syrup and stir. seriously. if you like the taste of cherry cordials you'll love it. if not, leave the syrup out. either way, it's a yummy, strong beverage that doesn't even taste much like alcohol. mmm.

maybe I should get some sleep before I start getting ideas about robbing both liquor stores and pharmacies, huh?

brad pitt has never impressed me much.

he does now.

as much as I love self checkout lanes, it's a shame that there's no cashier on hand to comment on my purchases. which is why I've started talking to myself while scanning my items. for example, upon swiping a bag of great value fruit smiles across the scanner at wal-mart, I took a minute to say, "are these any good?" before bagging them. that's what cashiers always want to know about your food items: "are these any good?" because people regularly buy groceries that they hate.

speaking of consumerism, is anyone else amused by the number of new cleaning products that advertise themselves as having "THE POWER OF OXYGEN!"? I'm so glad that we discovered that...what's it called again? oxygen? seems like it really makes life easier and stuff. all those years that we lived in ignorance of THE POWER OF OXYGEN. the human race has come so far thanks to science and technology.

fellow mst3k fans: I've known about the greatest site ever for a while, but never commented on it here. I've just ordered my second batch of ten discs. I need to watch more joel episodes, I know, but part of me is just crazy in love with mike. another dilf for the list.

I'm going to learn to ski this winter. I grew up about 30 minutes from some decent ski country--several kids at my high school did ski patrol for wintertime spending money--and I think it's time. I'm not all that interested in skiing, honestly. it's just that I stumbled across some pictures of whistler, british columbia and I think it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. one day I must go, and to enjoy it fully I feel that I must ski. and I love winter so much. I'd love to see at least a little snow this year.

nick lachey needs to stop looking so damn tortured all the time. quite frankly, he just doesn't seem intelligent enough to ruminate. give him a copy of the bell jar and some black nail polish and he could be any gothic/melodramatic high school girl in america. with better abs.

are the postal service ever going to release a second album? for fuck's sake.

I'm supposed to be at dragon*con right now. I'm not. long story. made short, I felt like death warmed over on saturday morning and the idea of staying up to drive six hours made me want to drink drano.

tomorrow marks two years with justin. hopefully at least 90 more to go.

lmn has been crankin out the fabulous early 90s tv movies this weekend. between them and tcm, who needs pay channels? my hard drive is full of b-movie goodness--time to break out that spindle of taiyo yuden dvds.

thanks to my pal at bhendrix.com for introducing me to the stumbleupon plugin. and thanks to stumbleupon for showing me the greatest internet timewaster I've seen in...maybe ever. I offer no explanation, just instructions: click and drag stuff.

I'm not as far left politically as a lot of people, but I'm cheering with the liberals at the news of plan b being made available over the counter. of course, that's not so much a political issue as common sense, in my opinion. which means that I'm probably more left leaning than I think.

I have to stop trying to make my life more interesting by buying things. it only works for about twenty-four hours per purchase. also, I'm running out of cool stuff that I want to buy. although I am squirreling away money for a new set of wheels. I adore 'phelia, but at close to 100k miles I worry that she's getting a little tired. I want a honda fit, but they're so in demand that if I can get a hold of one I'll probably be offered a lousy deal on my trade in. well, it's a moot point until at least october. and I'll probably chicken out--I love my miata too much.

I admire this year's primetime emmys for keeping the program on schedule, but shit! they had the winners on a freakin conveyor belt! I'm surprised they didn't just chuck the awards into the audience. entertaining, though, even if a certain ex of mine swaggered away with best supporting actor in a comedy. well, his acceptance speech was short and finished quickly, which I've come to expect from him. I'd threaten to jam that statuette where the sun don't shine, but any day now I'm sure I'll get a drunken phone call begging me to do just that--in a scenario probably also involving candle wax and duct tape. sigh...maybe I do still care about him.

[legal disclaimer: I don't know jeremy piven. to the best of my knowledge, he isn't any guy's ex or current boyfriend. my referring to him as such is a running inside joke stemming from my long-term love-hate relationship with his celebrity persona, which has been chronicled in previous posts. so there.]

catching them on a rerun of "pee wee's playhouse" reminded me just how fabulous the del rubio triplets are. I speak of both their legs and their music. their sole in-print cd (an anthology, thankfully) is on its way to me from amazon. that way I can stop continuously streaming "walk like an egyptian" from their myspace.

I've also rekindled my love for robert altman. short cuts is absolutely one of the most brilliant films ever, and a wedding may just be my new (old) favorite comedy.

I make no secret of my love for all things narnia. but having read the chronicles approximately fifty times each (maybe thirty for the last battle; I just don't care for it much), I've realized that there's one thing that c.s. lewis's editor should not have stood for. it is made very clear that talking beasts and people are on the same plain of respectability. so the author should NOT have alternated pronouns between "he/she" and "it" when referring to them. it seems completely random.

I hate not getting home from work until morning radio shows are on the air. besides meaning that it's been a friggin long night, I hate any and all morning radio shows. who the hell wants to wake up to a bunch of idiots sniggering at their own dumb jokes and dumber sound bytes, anyway?

so my parents gave me the old phone from my bedroom at home to use in our study. although not a dial phone, it's fashioned to look like one and sure as hell sounds like one. makes me jump three feet when it rings. the reason I find it so funny is that it sounds uncannily like the phone that the martians investigate in the old "sesame street" episode. to bring back memories, click here. to see the hilarious "drawn together" send-up of it, click here as well. thank heavens for youtube.

a new baby! nadine has assumed custody of ye olde ipod mini and I'm now the proud owner of a toshiba gigabeat. he's so cool. now I can be even dorkier than before, using my pc to record "the closer" AND taking the episodes wherever I go.

speaking of pc, if all the muscles in my body were as developed as my pc muscles, I'd look like arnold schwarzenegger in conan the barbarian.

if you don't already know, don't look up "pc muscles" unless you really don't mind knowing an awful lot about me.

I've had an enjoyable random few days off from work. odfl doesn't let us carry vacation days over, and I only have until september 29th (the anniversary of my hire date) to use this year's up. so I took justin and went to visit my folks. they're talking more seriously about selling both their houses and moving down here. it would be sad, sure--I mean, I lived in one house for eighteen years and some change--but I place a higher priority on having them live closer to me.

new wal-mart opened today! that's more exciting than it sounds, since it means that we will only be driving five minutes to shop there instead of 20-30. I know vol-de-mart is the devil's playground and all, but dammit! the devil sells cheap stuff!

gotta rest up so I can be fresh for getting back to the grind tomorrow. for a whole two straight days, anyway.

ho-lee shit. greensboro's actually starting to add bike lanes to the streets.
never thought I'd see the day.

I've rediscovered my love of fluffernutter sandwiches. jeez, I live on sugar. it's pathetic.

I'm so sick of the summer heat. it's been the hottest season I can ever remember. I wish I could kid myself into thinking that there'll be a nice cold winter this year, but I doubt it. with fuel costs it's just as well, I guess. but I truly believe that I'm a canadian at heart, and that includes a predisposition for cooler temperatures.

after years of hearing about clues to paul mccartney's "death" in the song "revolution number nine," I finally got around to playing it backwards.

don't. I'm sure a lot of it is because I knew what to listen for, but it's the most horrific thing I've ever heard. the nightmares started the same night, and I'm just hoping they're gone for good.

of course I believe in spirits and phantoms, anyway. I saw...something once. when I was in high school I was out driving in a rural area near home by myself. as I approached a set of railroad tracks I noticed that the signals were green. ergo a train was coming, and I got ready to stop. oddly, there was no train. just as I crossed the tracks, I slammed on the brake in surprise. standing just next to the crossing, I had seen the shadow of a man in a baseball cap. checking the rearview, he was gone. there was nothing that he could have darted behind, no cover at all. and the railroad signals were back to red, as they should have been.

I declare this meeting of the midnight society closed.

I guess I'm expected to comment on the lance bass situation. so: good for him. I'd like to believe that his honesty will lead to a wider acceptance of homosexuality in young, attractive celebrity males. I'd also like to believe that I'm going to write dozens of expertly crafted childrens' books that will outsell the harry potter series. then I take a minute for a reality check.

by the way, I wonder how many people know that childrens' book author is my dream job? well, I guess now a few more do. I'm thinking less j.k. rowling and more louis sachar, though. maybe someday.

speaking of celebs, I had the most wonderful/horrible dream last night. sean astin asked me to marry him. the good news? in the dream he was gay (and unmarried). the bad? I had to explain the situation to justin, also very much a presence in said dream. as previously stated, I DO believe that justin is "the one." but come on! sean astin? he's my ultimate cuddle buddy.

by the way, if anyone dares to even THINK of calling sean fat after reading this, I will find you. and you will be punished.

I still hope that justin and I will be married someday. even though it was initially scheduled for this fall, I guess even a commitment ceremony is out at this stage of the game. well, time will tell. I hope.

(author's note: current mood is insecure. no special reason, just natural default state of mind.)

more celeb-related things: dragon*con membership passes have arrived! one step closer to The Barbeau...and nicholas brendon. I just hope I can control myself in his presence. oh xander, thou art my fantasy boy next door...

first dinner at a p.f. chang's tonight. mmm. I'm more excited, though, about the impending opening of mimi's cafe. I didn't know eggs could even be used for all that. so many fun new places in gso. sometimes urban sprawl is all right with me.

I was all ready to pissed off at josh h. for discontinuing his blog. turns out I just had to tweak my link a little. so it works now, for those of you bold enough to humble yourselves in his electronic presence.

I must attempt to get some sleep. group field trip to the zoo tomorrow, and I want to be alert in case any children fall into the lions' habitat. not to rescue them, of course--I just want to be quick with the camera.

it has been brought to my attention that north carolina is an ideal environment for growing certain types of truffles. there are several truffle orchards (the only way to cultivate them is to plant trees that they like to grow around, usually filberts) here, the most productive near hillsborough. those little suckers fetch upwards of $1k per pound.

that is so cool.

parents visited today. used books at mckay's and mongolian goodness at crazy fire. I love doing things like that with the 'rents--the stuff that justin and I do all the time which they can't do at home. it makes me feel like a good host.

myspace has been up and down all weekend. I don't know which is funnier, how many thousands of people are pissed off about that or the fact that I'm one of them.

currently reading wicked. not what I expected, and I mean that in a good way. will write more about it when done.

fellow sufferers of tmj disorders, I've found a therapy that is very helpful. whichever side of your jaw is giving you heck, use your thumb to massage the hard muscles inside that side of your mouth just by your back upper teeth while holding your index finger against your cheek on the other side. it ain't no cure, but it keeps the old jaw pretty pop-free for several minutes and lessens the severity of the prob for quite a while.

this is by far one of my favorites from ytmnd.com.

I remember when the struggle for gay rights made me sad. I remember when it made me angry. both of those reactions are better than what I feel now: just very, very tired.

I want to ask a question that opponents of gay marriage don't seem to consider. if gay men are as promiscuous as society seems to believe, why are so many of us anxious to set outselves up for an lifetime of exclusivity with one other person?

I've found my soulmate, my true love. I could never be with anyone else. the one person in the world that I'm meant for. surely only a tiny percentage of the world's population can claim that. and I wish that america could respect it.

we're not in it for the money, the tax breaks, the benefits. we're not out to shove rainbow flags in the face of straight society. we're not vigilantes anxious to stand family values on end.

we are professional, educated, Christian. we wash our cars in our suburban driveway and wave to our neighbors. we're close with our families, we spoil our pets. we give back to our community. we don't do drugs, smoke, or drink to excess. we are just like a lot of other people.

and we just want to be treated that way.

I'm starting to believe that that's never going to happen.

I'm so glad that there's a decent selection of chris daughtry slash fiction online. it warms my heart. but did I really think there wouldn't be?

so my cell phone was having issues and cingular sent me a replacement. the wrong model--a more outdated one. such efficiency. guess I'll be giving them a call.

I've got to start getting more sleep. I stay up too late and it's starting to make me feel really cruddy. I'm just too much of a 'net junkie, I suppose.

I'm revisiting my teenage love affair with christopher pike books by picking up a few used ones here and there. reading them now they seem so awful. but bad movie awful, not awful awful. I'm having a marvelous time with them.

one of my favorite things about my job is that its solitary character allows plenty of time for thinking. oh, just about anything. tonight I was thinking that there are some aspects of my life that I'm very unhappy with. I went on to think about how it might be time to do something about them. you know the scene in she devil where meryl streep barges into the living room, starts throwing things (and people) around, and announces that she's taking control of her life?

yeah. that's so me. I just hope I have the nerve and the willpower.

you know, I feel sorry for simon rex. so the guy did some porn. so did sylvester stallone, and people seem to have forgiven HIM for it. let it go already!

besides, simon rex's porn was so much better.

I got a leetle raise at work. our annual "cost of living increase." lemme tell you, if it was based on the true increase in cost of living--gas prices being my major concern--it would be a bit more, methinks.

remember how I was saying how odd it is hearing from high school peeps on myspace? you know what's even weirder? seeing a friend that you haven't heard from in seven years (who is slightly younger than you) and finding that she's married with a four year old son.

and I notice a few more gray hairs...!

saw aimee mann tonight! for once I didn't have to travel to carrboro for a show, since she played in dana auditorium at guilford. a great performance. even justin--who hadn't heard of her before a couple of weeks ago--was very impressed. it's so rare that I go to shows now. it makes me regret what a comparatively small part of my life music has become. three years ago the artists that I liked played such a major role in defining who I felt I was. I really need to work on re-broadening my horizons.

bought an elliptical machine to replace the aged (pronounce that "age-ed") stationary bike. helluva workout, totally digging the endorphin rush. I'm determined to get in the best shape possible by august 5th. that's the start of nc's tax free weekend, and I'm headed to the outlets for some new clothes.

more of today's films need to include an "old dowager" character. so many american films made pre-1940 had them: a stout middle aged lady in fox furs, usually someone's rich aunt, who speaks in an impossibly high and nasal falsetto and looks at people through a lorgnette. usually a jeweled broach is found somewhere on her person. superb comic relief. I miss old dowagers.

speaking of films, ever seen the big chill? all these old college friends get together for a pal's funeral. most of them haven't seen each other in years. the viewer gets to watch them get reacquainted and reconcile what they have become with what they used to be. their experience is surreal--the kids that all these adults are expecting to see have changed just enough to be unsettling. suddenly they have careers, morals, vices...character.

that's what talking to old high school friends on myspace is like. who the hell ARE these people?

"jimmy crack corn and I don't care?" well, guess what? I don't care either.

no matter how long I live, I already know what my life's greatest regret is going to be: that I never met kurt vonnegut. oh, he's still alive and kicking at 85. but even if the man has twenty or more years of life left--which at this point seems quite possible--what are the chances that our paths will converge? not that I'd have any idea what to say to him. but I'll always regret never having the chance to say it.

independence day is nigh! so nice of north carolina to permit the sale of fireworks...if by fireworks you mean sparklers and fizzy fountain things. as if not having independent liquor stores didn't make this state fascist enough!

I don't have any transvestitic (is that a word? it is now) urges, but I can't help but be a little jealous of the socially acceptable right of ladies to wear elaborate hats. specifically I speak of african-american women's "church hats." church hats are the bomb.

when I take over the world, persons in both marriages and civil unions (and possibly domestic partnerships, under the right circumstances) will have the opportunity to legally punish cheating partners. if evidence can be provided that infidelity did indeed take place, then the cuckold will have the option to command that the adulterer's genitalia be surgically removed. with anesthetic--I'm not THAT sadistic.

I'm also going to put a stop to the abhorrent practice of men wearing their shirt collars flipped up. that might be more important, really.

if I ever have a baby I'm going to give it a stuffed toy. specifically a stuffed dingo. wouldn't that be hilarious? to give a baby a stuffed dingo? I think so. and look, they actually make them!

first batch of the cancun photos are online. as soon as I get copies of my parents' pics they'll be added. I've also expanded the "willow" gallery to include all kinds of family animals.

it was bound to happen sooner or later:

http://www.myspace.com/leftwingrobinhood

go ahead, make me feel loved.

well, made it back from cancun safe and sound, if sunburned. beautiful, as expected. not a lot of changes since last visit, although I was shocked at how many resorts are still closed from katrina damage--maybe as many as a third, I'd say. it's surreal to see all the enormous luxury hotels standing empty with windows broken out and scaffolding surrounding them. cancun seems to have become less of an exclusively american destination, as well. awful lot of scotsmen and russians, to say nothing of canadians.

we went to isla mujeres on tuesday, where justin played with dolphins and I went with dad on a submarine tour of the reef (mom just chilled and watched iguanas). on wednesday we tromped around the mayan ruins of tulum and then went to xel-ha, which is by far the greatest thing I've ever done there. it's a waterpark, but all of the bodies of water are natural, so instead of tubing in big cement rivers you get to do it in REAL ones. we snorkeled down the big river twice, gawking at all the gorgeous tropical fish. there are even a couple of cliffs where you can jump off into deep water, which justin did. we also swam through a cave and various other things. it was amazing. the rest of our time was spent lazing by the pool and beach, taking full advantage of the unlimited booze.

the first batch of boring vacation pictures will be online late today/sometime tomorrow. in the meantime, enjoy these cancun travel tips (having been all of twice now, I'm an expert):

1) most places accept both dollars and pesos, but check out the exchange rate before you go. there's a good chance that using american currency will get you ripped off. best to change it over.
2) keep plenty of small currency on hand for tips. tipping is a BIG deal.
3) everyone fully expects you to stay drunk off your ass, so go for it. but you're also expected to be respectful. obnoxious drunks are unpopular worldwide.
4) speaking of drinking, all inclusive hotels are great for a lot of reasons, all you can drink liquor not the least of them. but resort bartenders' knowledge and supplies only stretch so far. stick to basic mixtures (rum and coke, screwdrivers, etc) and the better known blended ones (margaritas, daiquiris, etc). if you want something different, just ask the bartender for "a blue one" or "something green." seriously, you'll hear tons of folks doing it.
5) unless you're fluent in spanish, stick to english. in the hotel zone nearly everyone speaks it, and trying to use spanish if you're iffy will get you in over your head conversation-wise.
6) at the resorts the employees know you're a tourist. they will be anxious to give you all the info you need on where you're going and how to get there. so DON'T leave the hotel until you feel confident that you know what you're doing. triple check everything first to avoid getting lost and wasting time.
7) everyone smokes everywhere. just so you know.
8) if you want to do anything besides chill and shop, plan at least one day ahead. pretty much all tours and activities require reservations and payment up front (and generally getting up very early). it's not a bad idea to pick up some brochures and plan out each day of your visit as soon as you arrive.
9) if you're going to do anything like snorkeling or diving, your sunblock MUST specify "biodegradable." it will be confiscated otherwise. and for the love of all that is holy, buy it before you go. otherwise you risk paying $20+ plus for a bottle. trust me.
10) mexico has more of a rep for homophobia than the u.s. but it's actually much more common there to see straight friends dining/hanging out in same sex pairs than it is here in my part of the states, so doing the same as a gay couple ain't no thang. I wouldn't recommend that guys make out in public or wear eyeliner...but that has more to do with general good taste than precautions in a foreign country.

and it's back to the real world. blecch.

time to put a rumor to rest: according to rupert holmes himself, "timothy" was not a mule. (why does the subject of cannibalism keep coming up in this blog?)

new best thing ever: google sms. at least for the time being, some of the best things in life really are free. everyone with a cell phone needs to take advantage.

I'm sure that, in many cases, women still find themselves unfairly disadvantaged in the workplace. but let me just say that workplaces vary. there are some institutions--or at the very least departments within institutions--where a pair of knockers will let you get away with murder. I won't name names.

semi-related: my vacation reading will involve the devil wears prada. shedding my literary elitism has really given me a lot more to choose from where books are concerned.

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this, but the nor'easter is now home to only four occupants: justin, myself, and the cats. josh has moved on to the greener pastures of owning one's own home; he and rachel now reside several miles away in a darling brick abode. suddenly our house seems absurdly large.

josh's departure has, however, enabled me to move my computer into the newly christened "office," a room that actually has a cable outlet. holy shit. having a media center pc is the greatest thing in the world. of course, that new dvd recorder is now a completely unnecessary expense. well, now I have TWO ways to say "screw you, tivo."

I hate to say it--since it's the current american average--but I really think that 36C is my favorite bra size, provided the lady isn't too tall. big enough to draw the eye, but not so big as to seem unnatural.

this time next week justin, my parents, and I will be in cancun. I wish I was as excited about the trip as everyone else. for some reason I'm just really nervous. I guess now that I don't travel as often I get the butterflies more easily. I don't think I have any reason to be concerned, though. I always say that I refuse to die until I've been to paris. which is why I'm never going to paris. immortality, baby. that's what I'm talkin about.

nerdy post:

what the hell!?!? why hasn't this been released in region 1? aargh!

I'm all about dragon*con this year. in addition to the usual star trek/buffy/and such v.i.p. guests, you will never believe who is going to be there.

adrienne barbeau.

take a minute to think about that. sit in hushed, reverent silence. now you can squeal and jump around, because you know you want to.

the lengths I would go to to meet that woman. I mean, hello? the fog? swamp thing? cannibal women in the avocado jungle of death? she's royalty! if I actually get her autograph I'll have a heart attack and die right there. if she agrees to pose for a chummy picture with me, I'll have the heart attack, die, and somehow revive myself so I can do it all again.

youtube.com has ruined my life. I am hopelessly addicted to the point that I can accomplish nothing. given that it's bound to get smacked down by copyright do-gooders eventually, though (especially since you don't even have to be a half-assed hacker like me to, ahem, save the clips for posterity), I figure why not enjoy the golden age? I've found too many wonderful things to link to here, so I've chosen one. like I always say, I do not use the term genius loosely.

this is genius.

I don't think I can ever attempt any kind of creative output again. it'll fall too short.

read this. it's funny.

sometimes I think of my life as a t.v. series. I can easily visualize its entry on imdb, complete with supporting cast members' starting and ending dates in parenthesis. and of course I'd be on jumptheshark.com, with a verbal contingency of people arguing that I'd "never jumped." I wonder what my ratings are for the week, if I'll win any emmys or even be renewed for another season.

with my general lack of creativity and joi de vivre these days, a better question is: have I been cancelled?

actually, I think I'm just in syndication. if it was good enough to keep "mama's family" going, it's good enough for me.

I still don't feel motivated to do any full reviews, but here are pseudo-haiku about my in-the-theater film experiences since last update:

thank for for smoking

exceeded high hopes
aaron eckhart, what a dilf!
p.r. looks like fun

the da vinci code

nice adaptation
a bit artsy but stunning
critics quit hatin'

(especially one triad area columnist who wasn't too hard on this one but historically pisses me off and should be banned from publishing and forced to shave off his gaudy child molester facial hair. sorry, not part of the haiku, but it should be said.)

one thing in thank you for smoking did rankle me a bit, and here's the rant to go with it. people of the world: everyone living south of the mason-dixon line does not, I repeat, NOT sound like they're from savannah. for some reason filmmakers (and most non-southerners) seem to believe that there's only one southern accent, the Deep Southern one. you have to go at least to the georgia state line to hear that, and even then you don't hear it much these days. and heaven forbid an actor try to portray someone from west virginia! russell crowe should be ashamed of himself for his intonation in a beautiful mind. however, jodi foster is forever on my a-list for sounding fairly authentic in silence of the lambs. I don't think I've heard any other actor do such a nice job.

I have a really addictive personality. so why can't I become addicted to something of use, like carrots? or savings bonds?

I finally ordered the new dvd recorder/dvr I've been drooling over for months. it comes with a FREE updating program guide and a nice interface. eat that, tivo. I just can't justify paying monthly for the privilege of digital recording.

twice now I've gone into great clips attempting to get a haircut. both times there's been one stylist working, multiple people waiting, and an estimated hour wait. what the fuck? all I know is if I don't get it trimmed soon I'm going to look totally strokes-core. and I know that look's still kinda in, but it should have been out five years ago. call me a freak, but I like my men with hair that stops short of their shoulders.

our noble president has said that he opposes the designation of english as america's national language. I refuse to believe that he would actually have an intelligent opinion like that. a better explanation, I think, is that he's such a poor english speaker himself that he'd find it too embarrassing.

this brings back memories.

sometimes ignorance really is bliss. although it happened last july, I just read that the times square ho jo's is closed and gone forever. I would have been a much happier man without ever learning that.

"total eclipse of the heart" is the best song ever. naw, I'm just kidding. actually I'm not; it really is.

I think my next car may be a saturn sky. saw one yesterday and fell completely in love.

greek festival in winston this weekend! it's all about the greek coffee, which I am unable to make myself for some reason. however, I discovered that I can make a fabulous chocolate mousse from scratch. with the help of julia child's recipe, that is.

also this weekend, if we can get in, the davinci code. yeah, I'm lame. I get it. not that I wouldn't want to go anyway, but I'll see anything audrey tautou's in. I think she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. unfortunately, so does she.

the gottis are such sedgwicks.

defined:
sedgwick (n): a celebrity without notable talent or merit who would have never risen to fame without his or her association with other well known people. named for edie sedgwick, one of andy warhol's proteges. currently prominent examples are kevin federline, bijou phillips, and--of course--paris hilton.
--from Duennas and Pocket Foxes: A Guide to the Slang of Jeremy Ball and Cohorts, copyright 2003, revised 2006.

I hate fucking know-it-alls. going around all snarky and shit, starting (and ending) pointless arguments, making everyone around them feel stupid. and whether they're right or wrong (generally they're the latter, although try getting them to admit it), rubbing it in like it's the most important thing they'll ever say, instead of just letting it go. don't they realize how boorish they are, for fuck's sake? how self-righteous and pseudo-intellectual? I hope that at least a few of them mature out of it before some concerned party strangles them. but not until someone with ACTUAL intelligence teaches them some painful lesson that they won't soon forget. there was a time when I was a bit of a know-it-all, myself. I believe it plagued me in college--funny how that seems to happen, eh? I'm glad I finally realized that it just. isn't. nice. and grew up.

sorry. I really do like most people.

apparently chows are the tastiest breed of dog. I didn't know that. it's no wonder they're so mean. I also learned that the flesh of people of african descent is more prized by cannibals than "white man's flesh," which is supposedly stringy. while on my dietary research kick, I stumbled across this article, which is morbidly fascinating. imagine someone volunteering to be killed and eaten!

my vote for best comedic film of 2006 so far: an american haunting. that thing is an mst3k episode waiting to happen. maybe mike nelson will do some fabulous dvd commentary when it comes out, heh.

highly recommended to triad readers: pj's coffee and wine bar in high point, at the palladium. don't know about the wine yet, but GREAT and cheap coffee. funky nouvelle decor adds to the fun.

this is an absurdly overgeneral statement, but I'm sick and tired of current events. in general. the more I hear, the more I feel that the apocalypse is nigh. here's how it's going to go:

irate illegal immigrants are going to congregate in the vicinity of new orleans and protest by knocking down the levees. the resultant flow of water will destroy numerous chicken coops, releasing a mutant bird flu strain. everyone will catch it and die, but only because no one will be able to afford gas to get to the hospitals. the administration will offer no response, as they will be too busy eavesdropping on the telephone conversations of married gay couples trying to get ideas on how to make the democrats look bad in time for the next election.

four words to express why there's still good left in the world: inspector gadget on dvd. and I do not mean the movie.

whenever you're thinking of giving a friend advice, think about whether you'll have to qualify it with, "I'm just telling you this as a friend." if you will, don't do it. they'll probably just get pissed off and go against your advice to spite you.

it's a shame I'm so opposed to lying. I'm awfully good at it. not to mention lyeing. I mean, if you really want to get a drain unclogged...

the 'rents came down saturday and brought my grandmother to see the house. had a great time, and no one even commented on the mounds of junk that sully pretty much every room at the moment.

can't believe dean cain is almost forty. I've never thought much about him, really, but in light of that he's certainly eligible for official DILF status.

speaking of celebs, justin and I were discussing the fabulous party we're going to throw when we become rich, famous, and happening--which should happen any day now. we're trying to decide what celebs to invite. so far, the following people MUST be present: seth macfarlane, alyson hannigan (and consequently alexis denisof), scott caan, chelsea handler, drew barrymore, andy samberg, nicholas brendon, jenny lewis, adam busch, ike barinholtz, and christina ricci. oh, and henry rollins, who may end up being the oldest partygoer at this particular bash, but whothehellcareshesfuckinghenryrollins. do offer your suggestions on the matter.

thanks to the chelsea handler show (which everyone REALLY ought to watch--it's on E!) for turning me on to the existence of this little gem of dementia.

for whatever reason, whenever I learn that a film or written work deals primarily with one of the following subjects I automatically stop wanting to see/read it: war, drug trafficking, icebergs. I know I'm missing out on a lot because of that; I'm working on it.

even after learning how the minute maid company came up with its name, I still think it's dumb.

it's about time that people started giving the wallflowers the respect they deserve. I just may have to buy all their records (already have one, so need four).

remember the tv series "father dowling mysteries?" I loved that show. similarly, remember "sister kate?" not so great; I still remember the milli vanilli episode.

dinner tonight with justin, josh, rachel, mad dog, and noel was very amusing. first time I'd seen people that I don't work and/or live with in forever. so a step in the right direction. life has become more insular, if that's possible. other than forwards and mailing list stuff, I've gotten two e-mails since my birthday. I only ever talk to my mom and justin (occasionally josh, naturally). it's like I'm back in high school. I just feel like I should be more social. and I wish that I had the time. so it goes.

latest absurd purchase: an ionic pro air purifier. will post an update on its efficacy once it's been established.

less than two months now until our week in cancun. I'm anxious to wake up every day with margaritas, lie in the sun with dacquiris, and fall asleep under the influence of fuzzy navels. I'm not an alcoholic, but when it's all inclusive you want to get your money's worth.

given that something as distant as the moon controls the tides, is it reasonable to say that extended periods of happiness and displeasure in my life are controlled by a complete stranger's hair or lack thereof? there's the most delicious boy in gso (short, muscley, that marvelously blond hair that nearly always darkens after childhood) whom I first noticed several years ago as a coffeehouse regular when he had long hair (and no beard). "what a shame," I thought, "with biceps like those and a bum like that to spoil the package with that icky hair!"

some months later I saw him working at teeter--short hair. mmm. nice. life was good. then he grew this dreadful beard, spoiling everything again. thus began the winter of my discontent. few men should have full beards. only my dad and jonathan frakes, I think. but I kept my eye on him in vain hope.

then last week, when I stopped in for some groceries. new haircut. clean shaven. I was elated, I tell you. my buoyant mood has persisted. which leads me to wonder about a subconscious connection.

in a similar vein, I have to say it: nick lachey is hot. now I have to go and hang myself for the shame of admitting it. anybody got some rope?

there's just no getting around it. dan brown is a damn good author. I read deception point and didn't really care for it, but the da vinci code turned me around. now I'm reading angels and demons, also great. that said, he makes some awfully bubbleheaded errors in his books. in the da vinci code, it is made very clear that the two main characters are riding in a taxi that is a stick shift. then, mention is made of putting the cab in "park." now, in angels and demons, I find numerous references to cell phones having dial tones--not ringtones, dial tones. having owned a cell phone in 2001, I can call that an error with some certainty. I don't know who to blame more, brown or his editor.

if john mayer ever has kids, they'll never have trouble falling asleep. can you imagine john mayer singing you a lullaby? my grown up eyes get heavy just thinking about it, and I mean that as a compliment.

going to wv for Easter this weekend. no special plans, just the usual. I always look forward to visiting my family, but I get frustrated with how bluefield limits the usual weekend possibilities. I just know that I'm going to want cook out burgers, tate street coffee, and barnes and noble browsing as soon as I hit the city limits.

I know I'm 12+ months late on this, but it's such an outrage to me that anyone should steal "the scream" (the munch painting). if I had to list the five works of art that, to me personally, must never be lost, it would be on there. and no one seems to be making a big enough deal about it to suit me. I'll bet the precious mona lisa would command a bit more attention.

on tv, people are forever taking their significant others to quiet, dignified restaurants to break up with them "so they won't make a scene." that's really wonky to me. hello? break it off in private--house, car, etcetera--then what does it matter? the more expensive the venue the more of a scene I'd feel obliged to make, myself.

apparently whenever something on a film set didn't go to greta garbo's liking, she threatened to go back to sweden. she got her way every time. that's so awesome. whenever something doesn't go my way from now on, I'm threatening to go back to sweden. that'll show em.

slim mints are a very effective diet aid. but not if you ever want to sleep again. I'm afraid that I may have to give them up in favor of getting back to my coveted eight hours per night.

best place to be in the 1920s: sitting around the algonquin round table. worst place to be: not sitting around the algonquin round table but on the shit list of someone who was.

I forgot to mention how much neat stuff I found when I cleaned off the bed in the front bedroom so the carpet cleaning folks wouldn't have so much to work around. most of what was piled on it has been there since we've moved in, I've been so loathe to sort through it. it included:

--cameras: one 35mm, one digital, and one mini dv video camera
--a stuffed alligator named starla
--many pieces of clothing, including two cashmere sweaters valued at approximately $380
--dvds and cds beyond counting
--a magic 8 ball
--an hp deskjet color printer
--a megaphone
--an overnight bag
--last year's tax return
--my graduation mortarboard

...and ever so much more.

sorry for the long silence. I've been spending most of my computer related time transferring all my crap from the old machine to the new one, an ongoing project.

I took a couple of well deserved days off last week, sleeping and eating too much. since the end of the quarter had passed I was hoping to return to a quieter, less strained office. wrong. I'm working more now than ever, over two hours of overtime tonight alone. I'm taking bets on when I finally just crack.

many thanks to charles for sending me his xanga link to add to my list on the left. he's a fabulous, witty, unique, and--dare I say it?--devastatingly handsome man who deserves to be much read.

I'm sure I have a lot more to say, but my brain is done for the night. I sit here, asking it to cook up witty repartee, and it's all, "uh uh. nope, I'm tired. get back to ya." so to bed.

oh, joy. oh, rapture. the glory that is a new computer. my old one just wasn't cutting it. full hard drive, and I could go downstairs and make a grilled cheese in the time it took to open firefox. I am now the adoring owner of a sony vaio vgc-ra840g. pentium d dual core processor (water cooled, no less), 250 gb hard drive (if I fill THAT up I've got issues), dvd burner, tv tuner, wireless everything, and way too many speakers. many other features I really don't need.

now, the ra840g hasn't been made for a couple of months--having been replaced with an almost identical model with a different name--but its technology is still top notch. compusa had exactly one left, the display. they knocked the price down and threw in two full years of on site service. the upshot? I got a $1400 computer for $880 today.

james was in town today, as was carl willis. great dinner out at tripp's. I forgot how much fun it can be talking to people that I don't live with! not that they aren't fun, but you know.

chemdry came today and freshened up the bedroom carpet. on thursday we had the repair guy in to remedy the thumping washing machine (courtesy of windsor, no charge to us--everything in the nor'easter is under warranty for one year). next goal, landscaping. we be gettin shit done up in this piece!

man, everything in this post is so exciting. to me, anyway. I'll stop boring all y'all for the time being. happy weekend!

I love knowing that there are people in the world crazier than I am. if I actually got vh1 classic, I'd watch the whole hour.

the imminent rise of wal-mart where the mighty carolina circle mall hath fallen is something that I've mentioned here before. since certain people-who-must-not-be-named refused to accompany me on a mission inside the derelict xanadu, here are some fabulous pictures from someone who did venture in. I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with the whole carolina circle affair, but there's a 19 page long thread on urbanplanet.org built up by others who are as well.

now that the sequel is forthcoming, I finally took it upon myself to watch basic instinct this weekend. y'know, that's a pretty damn good movie. and I don't even care about sharon stone's vagina.

justin and I received a $1200 check from wells fargo yesterday. they overestimated our escrow costs and are refunding us the excess money, as well as lowering our house payment permanently by $80 a month. talk about a nice surprise.

thanks be to josh for turning me onto the clientele. such a wonderful band. they're the musical equivalent of a slow, introspective walk through the streets of a small town on an autumn day, the scent of fallen leaves wafting up from your feet.

sorry, that was positively revolting. but they are.

by the way: if you're reading this and personally know me even the teeniest bit and have a blog/journal of your own, do me a favor and send me the link--provided that you don't mind if I link to you. I need to update my left side linkage. those of you over there who don't keep your posts up to date, shame on you. those of you who DO, thanks to you all. you help me remember when I had a social life.

no. NO. enn-ohh NO. absolutely not.

tell me this isn't off kilter. as most of y'all know, isaac hayes is the voice of chef on south park. and of course, south park viciously skewers every societal concept under the sun--I say this with the utmost respect. religion is no exception. over the seasons Jews, Christians, Mormons, etcetera have all been lampooned to the point of even making me blush.

but let the show make fun of scientologists--scientologists--and isaac hayes announces that he's walking.

so much for chef.

on the lighter side, I seem to be doing okay:

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7
Mind:	5.9
Body:	6.1
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	9.2
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

more reasons why I'm a disturbed human being:

watching fatal attraction today, I found myself feeling more sympathy for glenn close than michael douglas.

I find websites like this compelling.

I think that socialized medicine is really a fantastic idea...oh, wait. that just makes me normal and sensible. strike this one.

[warning: this implicates other people] just before writing this, I was talking with ali about carl buddig lunch meat. we'd been talking about carl buddig lunch meat for quite some time. the only reason we stopped talking about carl buddig lunch meat was that my phone's battery died.

when I was a kid, I used to call shopping malls around the country and ask for paper directories. they mailed them. I collected them. I had dozens.

I get a little too excited about kitchen utensils. man, there's this honkin pizza cutter at tuesday morning that I want so bad...

ground fog gets me hot.

driving around town, I sometimes feel the urge to stop, get out, and just walk around. just because I'm passing by parts of the earth that I may never touch otherwise.

I really want to go to the cn tower in toronto, lie on the glass observation floor (1,122 feet above ground) and look down. reason this is disturbing: I'm afraid of heights.

I spend what little free time I have making blog posts like this.

lovely!

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

classic quote (not sure from whom, just read it online somewheres): coming out of the closet is way too much like going through the wardrobe. it's always winter, never Christmas, and I just know there's an EVIL queen lurking about!

I'm really looking forward to the oscars, though I've only seen one of the big five. I missed most of them last year due to a fight with justin, although neither of us can remember what it was about. here's hoping history doesn't repeat itself, although I'm certainly not planning any altercations.

speaking of justin, after getting tired of my complaints about not having enough pics of him, he deemed two more photos suitable for thousand words, so they're in his gallery. I have some great ones of his cat as well (a.k.a. "black willow"), and will add them soon.

and speaking of movies, I know that everyone in the free world is going to blast me for this one...date movie = hilarious. juvenile and tasteless, but hilarious. it also reinforces my belief that alyson hannigan is a goddess. I want to give birth to her children.

of course, if we're talking buffy cast members, nicholas brendon wins out.

I can understand david boreanaz, but drooling over james marsters is just weird.

and I'm a dork. signing off.