it has now been approximately 37 hours, 24 minutes since I last woke from sleep on wednesday. I'm impressed with the success of this all-nighter; I haven't been exceptionally tired, although I've got a bastard of a headache. I'll probably pack in twelve hours tonight.

irene harrington at career development actually offered me some hope, woo hoo! she gave me some suggestions on cleaning up my resume as well as lots of local contact numbers for TV stations, radio, and publications--not that any of them will necessarily be hiring, but you never know. I did get a lead on one job that is absolutely perfect. the news and record wants a reporter to write for the paper's life section. the job description is exactly what I'm doing now on the guilfordian. I'm not holding my breath for it, but I'll push as hard as I can.

and on that note, I shall finally shut down for a while.

hooray for all-nighters. I didn't plan to stay up--I really didn't have that much work to do--but it just got past the point of no return (aka 3 hours til time to wake up) and I knew that it was a bit late to be considering sleep. purty soon I'm headed out to IHOP for their early bird special. and coffee. oh, yes. there will be coffee up in there.

josh and I signed the lease on the apartment, yay! and get this: it ordinarily goes for $660 per month and we got it for $599. sooo sweet. it seems like a wonderful community, and for even less money than I paid at lake's edge.

now if only I can get a job to go with it. I'm visiting the happy folks at career development at 10 today. please, please, PLEASE let them have some helpful advice!

that stint writing "warren street" (the short story) really whet my appetite for doing some creative writing. problem is, I've yet to have any more good ideas. typing out that fucker was seriously better than any sex, drugs, food, anything I've ever had. it's an addictive high, too. I just hope that inspiration strikes again; for now all I can do is keep paring away at "warren street." at least it's getting some much needed fine tuning.

word to the wise: whenever you get overtired to the point of hysteria, do NOT put "ride of the valkyries" on your winamp playlist. when it came on I doubled over laughing just long enough to be declared legally insane.

it's been a kooky day. slept in today, but made up for it by reading and taking notes on 150 pages, scheduling my appt. with career development, and writing parts of two research papers. oh, and. I had this random idea for a short story while I was out today, so I decided to come back and make some notes on it. I stayed parked at the computer until I had churned out a complete 2400 word story that I feel is pretty fucking good. could even be filmed someday. it needs work, but it's one of the best things I've ever done. not that that's saying much.

if only I felt so inspired to write my one-act play. I have to churn out at least one more scene before thursday morning. talk about something going nowhere.

oh, cassie called tonight! she might be coming in for graduation, and I hope she makes it. she's still without a job, although who am I to talk. I really, really hope that the career development folks sense my desperation and help me dig something up. at least I have my graduation money to cover my ass, but I don't want to have to do that. I'd like to start saving some money back.

I'm so sick of the nasty cold rain. o terrible clouds, I demand that ye lift!

I've been productive today; time for a break. specifically, time to write about the bizarre dream I had last night that first woke me up at 8:00 a.m. and continued until 2:00 p.m. or so (kept falling back asleep and it just kept going):

new year's eve. carra and I are at some dance club. I'm upset about not having anyone to kiss at midnight. a guy starts chatting with me: he's a little sketchy, but not bad. we make out. carra comes back and gushes over him being cute--while we're making out. I push her away--literally.

then we're at my parents' house somehow. he sleeps over. he says he's in love with me. the next day I drive him home (tazewell va). I realize that we didn't exchange numbers; I'm not worried, as we both know where the other lives. go back home where mom is making breakfast.

flash forward two days. find out that he's been in an accident and is dead. I'm in shock. his family contacts me; says that he was actually murdered and the accident was faked. I go to his house, which looks to have been burglarized. everyone suspects a conspiracy. then the funeral. for some reason my brother is there and is drunk. I can't bring myself to look in the coffin. his uncle approaches me and gives me a key. tells me that he (the dead guy) kept files on the computers at a certain business and that I should see them.

then: ali, myself, and some others are at the movies (no longer in bluefield). we slip away and take an elevator upstairs in the attached skyscraper. we stop outside the office that the uncle mentioned. the key unlocks the door. there are people working. we ask a woman if she'll show us the files. she agrees, but then realizes that they are confidential. we can see over her shoulder that they involve government secrets. we realize that we should have snuck into the office later, and that we are in danger. we get up to leave and are chased through the office.

we escape and get into the elevator. on our way down we realize that it has been sabotaged; the cable breaks. we pry open the doors and escape into a restaurant just as the emergency brake gives and the car plummets. then...well, we eat dinner.

flash forward a week or so. there has been an expose on the files; all the guilty parties have been arrested. I find out that the guy was a teacher at my elementary school. I go to clean out his office; all my old teachers are there. they think I'm going to replace him. I think, "maybe I should. I'd love teaching." I walk back out to my car (my volvo, for some reason) with the box of his things. I get in...and there he is. I realize that his death was staged, it's now safe for him to reappear, and we embrace.

talk about an epic.

found the car key! but...
_________________________________________________________________
murder weapons:
most romantic: hand-held crossbow
most clever: icicle
most classy: piano wire
(choices, choices...)

"some people are better off dead."
--bruno anthony, "strangers on a train"
(agreed)

fact: in states that utilize the death penalty, first-time murderers convicted for a "crime of passion" are very rarely executed.
(that's comforting)
________________________________________________________________

I could really use an outlet for my frustration...

a quote:

"it's amazing what a tranquilizer and some peach sorbet will do for your outlook on life."
--me, thought approximately 38 seconds ago

almost time for the QFS meeting. then back here to clean and shape things up.

I'm in such an "I hate myself" mood today. I'm really frustrated; I can't find my car key. it became detached from my key ring and now it's gone. I've exhausted pretty much every possibility in looking for it, and I don't know what else to do. my room is such a shithole, though, it's probably in here somewhere.

I'm just so tired of my inability to organize and keep things in order. well, maybe it's not so much inability as unwillingness. maybe I was naive, but I really thought that once I started taking adderall some of this shit would stop. guess not.

to top it all off, I have one of the worst headaches ever. I'm afraid that it's developing into a migrane. I'm just going to lie down for a while. sigh.

warning: extreme randomness ahead.

just got back from carra and ashley's. had some southern comfort and other things. we tried to get rapunzel to call paul, but to no avail. alas.

dream boy sighting: the pines. my reaction: "okay, calm down. pretend not to notice. talk to everyone. give hugs. act popular. be popular. then--"run away! run away!"

fuck, I need to let this go.

movies in chapel hill with ali tonight. "all the real girls." GREAT movie. totally me-core. but it made me feel lonely.

also: bonfire deep in the woods. everyone got naked. not me, though. but it was nice.

all the birds are on crack. but I guess they're springing forward, as we should. I need to go to bed, but the entire versace spring line is on my sheets. after I clear it off I'm crashing. perry blackwell, forgive me!

my bagel awaits. hooray for smoke flavoring.