it's been a nice night. at first I was disappointed at the marked lack of partying going on, but ended up having a pleasant evening drinking SoCo and chatting/laughing hysterically with josh and ali. I'm now quite warm and toasty and getting ready to hit the sheets.

dream boy sighting: standing on the curb next to wilco by friendly avenue with unknown girl. he was in danger of getting hit, he was so close to the road. segway into...

Pros and Cons of Hitting "Dream Boy" with Car

Cons:
1) Destruction of beauty
2) Personal guilt
3) Prison
4) Damage to my beloved car itself

Pros:
1) No one else can have him
2) Feeling of empowerment
3) Prison sex
4) Excuse to get new car
5) Excuse to get new obsession

dammit, the pros have it by one. should've done it. oh, well. too late now.

I love my parents. but sometimes they're so good to me that it makes me feel like shit. conversation with mom today:

MOM: if you and ali want to go to new york after graduation, that can be part of your graduation present.
ME: (sighs audibly) okay, whatever. I guess we probably just won't go, anyway.
MOM: well, let me tell you what you're getting. maybe that'll make a difference.
ME: what? about a thousand dollars, didn't you say?
MOM: three thousand.

clarification: my parents would be the most wonderful people in the world, outlandish gifts or not. but still. I don't deserve that and I know it. it makes me feel awful. but I guess I have no right to complain.

need to finalize a few preparations for the radio show tomorrow. all covers. should be lots of fun.

let's see what dreams my subconscious cooks up for me tonight. last night I dreamed that candice bergen went to my elementary school. strange.

yawn...stretch. I've been gabin my room for the last little bit, just luxuriating in the freedom of friday afternoon with my book and my gummi worms. s'bout time to get moving, though--way too much to get accomplished.

going to borders tonight for the introvert creative group's monthly exhibition of poetry and song. here's hoping that they'll crank out some interesting stuff.

wonder why people say "hit the showers" when it's actually the water from said shower hitting you? for my part, I'm going to go and get hit by the shower.

my group presented its collaborative play this morning; it was pretty well received. but how can you not love a swedish whore named chlamydia?

I won't say whom or in what course, but I got to enjoy class with the most stoned girl ever today. she was completely out of it, and everyone was giggling about her the whole time--except the prof, who seemed oblivious. I'm certainly not a prude about smoking up--not like I never have--but I personally think it's in kinda bad taste to smoke during the week unless you have absolutely nothing to do. it's like leedy's law of drinking: it's tacky between sunday and wednesday night, then it's all go. I love nicole.

some new links to blogs to the left, all good people. same routine--you think I suck too much to link to your precious journal, just let me know.

why the hell am I inside? it's gorgeous out there. I must find something to do that involves sun.

have read for the past few hours until my eyes are exhausted. a boy's own story by edmund white. I read it years ago and remembered how much I loved it, so I picked up a copy at b&n tonight. it's such an amazing novel. all I want to do right now is sit and write prose of my own, but my brain feels like a...it's as if I...I'm just too wrung out. see? dammit, can't even come up with a decent metaphor.

the hotel yorbans are kicking around the idea of hosting the year's final wqfs party in a couple of weekends. that would rule; all year we've talked about having parties and have been too sorry to get one together. it'd be nice to go out with a bang. I wonder what my social life will hold once I graduate. I don't want to be one of those alums who hangs out on campus every freakin weekend; I'd like to think that I can rustle up some other things to do. not that I'm a snob about it--you can bet I'll be tromping these same brick paths next year if I hear of something big cooking.

speaking of parties, josh is all about some kookiness this weekend, and I'm right there with him. a sizable contingency of us are up for a serendipity redux. although I'm promising myself that I'll stay relatively well behaved--I can't even walk across campus anymore without bumping into someone that I've at least made out with while smashed. seriously, that's not an exaggeration. I don't really want to come any closer to crossing that line between "sexual opportunist" and "damn dirty ho," and my left big toe is nudging it.

anyway, even damn dirty hoes need their sleep.

I've been all wacked out today. for some reason tuesdays always leave me exhausted and needing to sleep a lot on wednesdays. so 11 hours last night; I really wanted to get a lot accomplished today, but so much for that. my brain just can't get into gear. I've been headachy too, but I think that's mostly my crazy sinuses.

although I DO have to start getting it together. by friday I must:
clean room/do laundry
finish resume portfolio and ask for letters of recommendation
call about and view apartment w/ josh and carra
have all the info together for my mass media final
start planning ali's and my film festival
call ernest and reschedule...

I think that's it, but it's enough on top of the usual drudgery. I think instead of saying "hello" I'm going to start answering the phone dorothy parker style: "what fresh hell is this?"

charles and I went to ruth's chris steak house tonight courtesy of his mom's gift certificate. SO good. if you're a carnivore with money (it was $88 plus tip for us) I can't recommend it enough.

I've got to spend some time tonight punching up my one-act play. it's loosely based on the whole joey debacle, so it's got definite emotional potential, but so far it's honestly just boring.

the 'rents are coming down a week from sunday for dinner. that should be nice.

anyway, time for some more world domination plotting.

aunt kay warned me. "you don't know what allergies ARE until you move to north carolina!" yup. my eyes burn so much they feel like the world/inferno friendship society's cymbals (heh--I could not remember that band's name; took ages of searching for random keywords to figure it out). anyway, I'm about to close them for 8-9 hours, so it's all good.

speaking of music, good and bad news:
bad--flaming lips show was sold out. major bummer.
BEST NEWS EVER--found out that a certain group is playing in asheville on may first. so I got my ticket and am going to see...wilco. eat your fucking hearts out. I've wanted to see that rogue band of geniuses ever since the opening chords of "being there" first touched my eardrums. well, that's a slight exaggeration. but still. josh and ali are going as well, and we're all about to wet our pants already.

I'm starting to get concerned with my questionable creativity. my lack of any major successes in playwriting has led me to question my ability as a screenwriter. I mean, I want to go to film school primarily to direct, but I really really really want to write my own movies as well. my only good ideas are generated when I write what I know and live through my characters. but quite frankly, my life isn't always interesting enough to warrant juicy stories. I also think a big part of it is not seizing on ideas when they first enter my mind. that day at tate st. last week I just happened to have a notebook with me when I wanted to write all those character sketches of the other regulars--which are actually kinda cool. note to self: start carrying pen and paper. now where's some to write that down...

random question: wouldn't it be nice to be able to claim to have passionately kissed the one most physically attractive human being that you've ever seen and ever expect to?
random answer: yes.

I hope that constant reader has had a splendid john l. lewis day (you mountaineers know what I'm talkin about; otherwise just plug in "april fools' day" there). may your dreams be ethereal and your eyebrows indoor.

random philosopical bullshit:

I see nothing wrong with jealousy. under the right circumstances, I think it can even be healthy. if a person is jealous, there's no shame in admitting it. "that's a nice apple you've got there. wish I had one."

I do take issue with covetousness; it's a sad thing when someone is so selfish as to want to deny someone else happiness so that they can have it. "that's a nice apple you've got there. think I'll steal it and eat it when you're back's turned."

but the worst: when one becomes so vindictive as to wish unhappiness on another when they have nothing to gain themselves..."that's a nice apple you've got there. think I'll hide it and let it rot just so you won't have something I don't."
____________________________________________________________________

lately I find myself wanting a lot of what other people have. and if I can't have whatever the commodity in question is, I'm becoming less and less averse to watching said other people suffer. I guess it's just the old "misery loves company" theory, but that doesn't make me a better person.

(note: I'm not actually in a pissy mood this evening. just giggling at my inhumanity. think I'll chuckle my way into bed.)

aargh...need today to recover from last night. shana brought down some jello shots, and with some whiskey to boot I felt pretty funky. went upstairs and talked to folks, then over to 731 for the Tiger Bear Wolf et al. show. the apartments were as jumpin as I've ever seen them; I couldn't even guess how many people were milling around. hugged/talked to charles for a minute. went back to bryan with carra, ashley and crew for a few minutes. fell into bed late but woke up early. all in all, it was a great night of staggering and chit-chatting.

got to talk with my dream boy last night too. I was proud of myself--it was the first time I've even been able to say hi in quite some time. he makes me want to act like a spoiled kid in a toy store. I feel like throwing myself down on the floor, kicking and punching, and screaming "WANT THAT! WANT THAT!" repeatedly. fat lot of good it would do. damn breeder.

went to waffle house and the mall with ali today. ate way too much hashbrowns and looked at shoes I couldn't afford. at light years they have this "mullet shampoo" that comes in a car wax like bottle and smells like armorall. funny.

I need to clean, do work, study, and make about a million phone calls. eh, I think I'll go get some coffee instead.