as I need to be at jake's diner for breakfast in about four hours anyway, I have given up on bed. so much the better for a pre-graduation, sappy, introspective blog entry.

I know a lot of fancy words. I can even spell some of them (otolaryngologist--eat it, baby). but nothing in my vocabulary can express the glut of emotion I feel upon spending my last night at guilford college. as often as I find fault with my school...only to be mine for a precious few more hours...it's not half as often as I'm willing to kiss the long brick path leading up to founders hall in sheer, utmost gratitude. I owe my parents a lot. I owe my friends a lot. but nothing touches the debt that I am in to guilford, and we're not talking about student loans here. if not for this sometime-hellhole of higher education, I don't know who I'd be. and, believe it or not, I like who I am. for the most part, anyway.

from first-year laundry sack races through second floor binford to the drunken staggerings of senior year, it's all been worth every fucking minute. I've gone from being a tommy hilfiger obsessed skaterprep (bleached blonde and all) to...well...to someone very different. more grounded, yet somehow more focused on fun. more idealistic, yet more cynical. comparing 1999 jeremy to 2003 jeremy is so absurd that it's almost pointless to try.

so much water under these bridges. I've loved and been loved, loved and lost, loved and never had. I've tried things that I never would have considered in high school. I've developed the sense not to try things that I once considered. and most of all--God yes, most of all--made the best friends that anyone could ever wish for. some of them are true veterans, there from day one. some are recent acquisitions, and some have faded into sepia tones. and I wouldn't trade any of them for all the sushi in l.a.

I know what a paradigm is now. I know what peppermint schnapps tastes like. I recognize the glory that is cook out at 2 a.m.

and that leads up to the worst part. it's 3:52 a.m. at the moment. in roughly eight hours I will no longer be "jeremy the guilford college student." that's something that I take great pride in being, something that defines me. and I have absolutely no idea what my next identity will be. but whatever it is--for the rest of my life--it wouldn't be possible without these fabulous four years.

I thank the greatest family anyone's ever had. I thank my friends (see preceding description). I thank God.

and I thank Guilford.

next entry: "real world jeremy."

good night.

one more thing. looking back in my archives I realize that I first started talking about slipcovers almost two months ago. I finally got some. so I'll never mention them in this journal again.

for the past 24-odd hours, I have been possessed. I have become completely overtaken by my desire to get the apartment completely and perfectly squared away. after superhuman efforts, however, it's pretty much done. but here's everywhere I've been during this past day (parentheses are for times visited):

Target (5)
Wal-Mart (3)
Garden Ridge (2)
Linens n' Things (2)
Dollar Tree
Ben Franklin Crafts
Lowe's
Home Depot
Herbie's (hey, gotta eat sometime)
BP (hey, gotta smoke sometime)
Pier One
K-Mart
CVS
Walgreen's
Bed Bath and Beyond

all. in. one. day. but it's been worth it.

tonight's the big final senior party. I hope that everyone focuses enough on having a good time that we don't get all mushy.

gotsta run some errands (including a haircut, hopefully) before grabbing some dinner.

great party this eve. 731 had a power hour. I'd certainly call it a successful one from a personal standpoint: drank much, smoked much, kissed two people. OH...and...'fessed up to my crush. told him what I thought of him, for how long, and insinuated that we should see more of each other after graduation.

his response: "aww! thanks!"

not the romantic interlude that I'd dreamed of, but nice. at least if he A) comes to his senses and realizes what he's missing or B) gets desperate, he knows how I feel. and it certainly is a weight off my chest. speaking of chests, I think his attention was taken up by a hot chick with visible nipples anyway. upon noticing this I attempted to make mine more prominent by holding shana's beer against them. this worked, but she must have had something else I didn't. a vagina? well, if that's what he was in the mood for, I guess I'll just have to concede.

went to the apartment tonight to drop some things off and almost had a heart attack when I saw that my light was on. it was carra, sara kate, and catherine all high and into decorating the apartment in the most tacky fashion possible. we're talking plastic buddhas, gummi bear lights, and cheesy picture frames here. all as a joke, mind, and a very funny one at that. I love my friends!

I'm on my second packet of ramen, which means I should probably go to bed. shana and I may go to the beach tomorrow, so I should rise early.

okay, so last night's posts were just a little negative. bad mood--I honestly don't feel like throwing myself off the top of the jefferson pilot building today (although if it meant seeing that uber-riche social club that's up there, it might be worth it). I ended up sleeping until sunset today; all the better for my all-nighter. carra and I are both busy bees this eve; she will be joining me for an IHOP run this morning. then it's off to the mass media final, then to move in to the new apartment!

I was hard on a lot of people last night, too. to all: I apologize.

ali's sister jessie's here, and I'm glad. even in the hour or so I got to spend with her tonight, she's been more fun and talkative than I've seen her yet. even better that she's here for an entire week; it'll be great to get a chance to really get to know her better.

I'm fresh out of adderall, and that ain't good. hope I'll have time to get my prescrip filled at cvs before the exam at noon. whee!

not the greatest night in the world.

having such a nasty evening, I thought it might be nice to have a sleep in my good old bed at home. I drove to my house and found rick upstairs in his room, dad in my parents' bedroom, mom on the couch to escape dad's snoring, and all of laura's things in my room (home for prom). mom woke up long enough to say hi when I came in. and to offer me the other end of the couch.

I promptly drove back here. although I shouldn't have driven in such an emotional state; I'm sure that the cop who ticketed me for doing 79 in a 65 would agree (good thing he didn't see me doing 90 in the fog). but I made it alive, whatever that's worth.

which has led me to realize that I really shouldn't go to my parents' house for a week after graduation. it's time to just let it go. whomever said that you can never go home again was right. you can, however, go and be just another guest in your 'rents guest bedroom (formerly known as yours). I just don't want to deal with that.

now it's off to bed back here in nc.

by the way. in case y'all haven't figured it out, please choose your words to me carefully for the next day or so. I don't know how much more negativity I can take.