I have a lot on my mind today. I’ve been thinking about all the changes that have taken place in my life over the past few months. I think it’s safe to say that all of them have been for the better. so I think it’s time to make a few changes in my attitude to enhance it all for myself and for the people I care about. I’ve spent my whole life thinking of certain events as inevitable or fated or predestined. I’ve put ridiculous amounts of faith in omens, portents, karma, superstition, you name it. and all it has ever done for me is made me terrified. it keeps me from enjoying the good things in my life. it keeps me constantly on edge, waiting for things to go sour. or—worse—it keeps me blindly convinced that good fortune is just around the corner when I’m feeling low. “fortune.” I mean, get real, folks. I expend too much mental energy analyzing why a certain song was on the radio at a certain time, or whether picking up pennies is good luck or not (I mean, it’s money regardless). and I think it’s time I see it all for what it is: horse shit. we make our own destinies. we control the future. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in a higher power; of course I do. and I’m not saying that He doesn’t exert influence over every one of us. I just have to believe that nothing is fixed. that courses can be altered. that we aren’t helpless to put a stop to a chain reaction. and you know what? it’s going to make me a hell of a lot happier.

crazy few days. moved into the new apartment (with much help from my AWESOME pals and relations), and it is amazing. it's only about half a block north of fisher park, so the neighborhood is fab. the building dates from 1924: high ceilings, hardwood floors, truly unique plumbing fixtures. and it's the first time I've ever had a dining room, complete with chandelier. it has some drawbacks—third floor walk-up, no dishwasher, street parking only—but I think the advantages are more than worth it. especially considering that it's cheaper and MUCH larger than the others I considered. I've got to do a bit of painting to make it perfect, but all in all I'm stoked.

I hope that my friends and family have set a precedent there, as well. so far it's almost never empty of great people. my open door policy has seem to have taken hold, and I'm thrilled. it's strange to be living alone, so it's nice that I'm usually, well, not.

I just wish that I was as happy at work as I am at home. my office is such an awkward, depressing place for me to be. even the people there that I consider my friends don't make me entirely comfortable these days. I have such great afternoons hanging out with folks, running around town, or just sitting at home. but when it's time to go to work my mood plummets. tonight I was really afraid I'd have a panic attack at one point. when it comes to my co-workers, it just feels like there's me...and there's them. I know how paranoid that sounds, but things are just so...well, polarized, I guess. as someone who genuinely likes to get along with everyone, that's hard for me. the problem is, I've wracked my brain trying to think of ways to make it better. I keep coming up empty. there are things that I could do, but I can only envision them making the situation worse. I can't change jobs. I'm qualified for a whole lot of nothing. besides, I still truly like the job itself. all I can do is suck it up. hard to do when the place you spend most of your waking hours is the place you least want to be.


I never have been good at seeing the glass as half full. for now, it's maybe….two-fifths.

only in texas.

this is one of the stupidest, most offensive things I've seen in a very long time. the kinda thing that makes you just hate the whole world. grr!

sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been waiting for...life to stabilize. but if I wait on total stability, I don't know when I'll ever be writing here. most people reading this already know that the past few weeks have been--without question--the darkest period of my life. I've had my share of tough times before, but I honestly never believed that just getting through a day could be so hard. if not for my parents' support I seriously doubt that I would be alive to write this. I mean that literally. several aspects of my life that had been running fairly smoothly fell completely apart at once, and it was more than I could handle and still function. I took a little "vacation," and mom stayed with me for a while as well. I've been able to rely on my good old friends, and even made some funky new ones. I'm only just starting to believe that there might be a tiny bit of hope for any lasting happiness in the future, but haven't convinced myself quite yet. and I'm still not at a place where I wake up every day and am glad that I did, sad to say. logically I know that eventually I'll get past it all. but emotionally I just can't say that now. I'm sorry to report that if 2008.5 is going to happen after all, it's going to be late. but I'm working on it. I'm working as hard as I can, promise.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! the horror! the horror!

dorkdom alert: I made a line graph of what my moods have been like for this first half of 2008. I began with late january because life was relatively static until then. the baseline can be said to represent "contentment:"



I'd really like to become a citizen of forvik, but I don't actively have anything against the british government. I might settle for the aerican empire, but it just doesn't seem as cool somehow, even if they do lay claim to territory on mars.

in fortune cookie last night: "bide your time, for success is near." y'know, when baked goods start giving you exactly the same advice as your friends, I think that entitles you to go on a killing spree if they turn out to be wrong. so unless you want your world to be covered in a crushed cookie sprinkled blood bath, I'm thinking there had better be some fingers crossed for the old Jermeister.

toes, too.

I could write about what life is like right now. but this video clip sums it all up better than I can.

for the first time in my life tonight, someone spoke to me with what sounded like pure, unadulterated hatred in their voice.

I just can't win, can I?

s (small) silver lining in the gas price snafu: gm wants to sell hummer.

ha, ha.

did I mention that I got my tongue pierced? it's nifty.

addictive substance: pom pomegranate peach passion white tea. wish it wasn't so expensive.

gearing up for a nyc trip next week. anybody in the manhattan/brooklyn/etc urrea wants to hang with me--not this weekend but next weekend--hit me up.

I ever meet this guy, I'm proposing marriage right there and then.

okay, here's the deal. it is now june, so for all intents and purposes 2008 will be half over as of the end of the month. I know that's not exact, but six months is six months. I'm speaking to the Hand of Fate, to the Cosmos, to whatever forces drive the business of my life independent of my own actions.

I want a do-over.

starting july first, I say we just consider the remainder of 2008 its own year. 2008.5, 2008 redux, 2008 final draft, what have you. I'd really like to see some wrongs righted. I'd like to get up every day without dreading what fresh hell is next. I'd like to open the umbrella and NOT have it be raining from underneath. and in all honesty, I'm not interested in justice. I'm not interested in what is "fair." what I want is for things to go my way this time. I ask all this respectfully and with the inkling that just maybe I deserve some better fortune than what I've experienced since this past january or so.

pretty please with sugar on top?

I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
In his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

And when I was twelve years old my father took me to a circus--the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.
And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle.
I had the feeling that something was missing;
I don't know what. But when it was over
I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a circus?

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away. And I thought I'd die...but I didn't.
And when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.

I know what you must be saying to yourselves.
If that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment.
For I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you
When that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath
I'll be saying to myself:

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

--Peggy Lee

[author's note: okay, sometimes I feel the need to post lyrics.]

let's say for a moment that I am the most respected person in the world. I have all the money I could ever spend, all the power I could ever wield, and everyone is willing and obligated to do exactly as I say.

[takes cold shower, returns]

okay, so given that scenario I'd like to hire celebrities as my support staff. I've put some serious thought into this. here are the nominees and my reasoning.

valet: william moseley. because valets should be british, after all. and it would start the most delicious rumors.

administrative assistant: jenna fischer. it's less about the fact that she plays a receptionist on "the office" and more about the fact that she actually types 85 wpm. handy. and come on! pam as your gal friday! fantastic.

driver: nicholas cage. did his own stunt driving in gone in sixty seconds. and he can look really threatening when he has to. (sidenote--it would DEFINITELY be steve mcqueen if he was still living, though)

housekeeper: cameron diaz. has OCD, so should do a bang-up job. and again, good rumor fodder.

poolboy: david faustino. I actually came up with this one yeeeears ago. I'm not sure why. I just really like the idea.

chef: christopher walken. at least we know he can roast a chicken.

landscaper: rick moranis. think about it. hard, if necessary. if you still don't know why, let me know. I'll berate you briefly and explain.

a research study has shown that people who drive black cars tend to have self-confidence levels that are 14.6% below average.

hi, angelus. hi, eartha. does this mean that my self-confidence is 29.2% low?

because that would make sense.

also: thanks to catie braly for this link.

and furthermore: though I nevernevernever post song lyrics here, I've been listening to this one on repeat lately a lot more than is healthy, so:

"Kathleen"

all the other girls here are stars—you are the Northern Lights
they try to shine in through your curtains—you’re too close and too bright
they try and they try but everything that they do
is the ghost of a trace of a pale imitation of you
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
this party is made with the night air and the chance that a smile
will wind its way from your face to one of the boys in your line
you act like you’re hip to their tricks and you’re strong
but a virgin Wurlitzer heart never once had a song
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
and I’ll have you back by break of day
I’m going your way anyway
and if you’d like to come along
I’ll be yours for a song
I know you are waiting and I know that it is not for me
but I’m here and I’m ready and I’ve saved you the passenger seat
I won’t be your last dance just your last goodnight
every heart is a package tangled up in knots someone else tied
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
so crawl up your trellis and quietly back into your room
and I’ll coast down the length of your drive by the light of the moon
and the next time I see you—a new kind of hello
both our hearts have a secret only both of us know
‘bout the night that I drove you back home Kathleen

--Josh Ritter

this is going to sound stereotypical, but there's no denying it lately. the ladies in my life give me...well, some problems, but nothing out of line. it's the men that are the issue. here's what I want: I want to sit down one-on-one with every guy that I encounter regularly--friends, relatives, co-workers, even some I don't really know--and give them performance reviews. I want to discuss their roles in my life and how they should be modified (or not). I want to give ultimatums and dictate appropriate behavior. and I'd better see note taking and attentive expressions. when it comes down to it, I might even have to do some downsizing.

bunch of lousy pig fuckers. sorry, that was my inside voice.

I...I really don't know what to say about this, honestly. I just...think people should read it.

as anyone who has known me for more than five minutes can attest, I am a devotee of all things brideshead revisited. the book is magnificent. the bbc miniseries is a gem. now there's the new film from miramax, which--judging by the trailer--glosses over the religious symbolism of the text and bbc version in favor of sensation, scandal, and even more homosexual overtones.

I can't frigging wait to see it. I am now officially a heathen.

in my years of psychological study I never remember hearing about the capgras delusion. granted it sounds terrible, but what a band name!

okay, so I'm a year late on this one but somehow I missed it until now. if you've been living under the same rock you have to watch this. prepare to have your mind blown.

several times a year I get this insatiable urge to move to pittsburgh; eventually I might have to fulfill this. unfortunately this particular urge coincides with the 'burg's being named the sootiest city in the US. sootiest. eh, I like soot. love me some soot. soot, soot, soot. no problem. I think I've finally decided on what neighborhood I'd like, too: chatham village. it's mostly populated by older folks, but $80k for a two bedroom townhome on mount washington? bring on the golden agers.

gripe: the other day I was getting coffee in starbucks (which is what I tend to do there) and noticed a policeman sitting down enjoying his beverage. nothing wrong with that. in fact, I'd go so far as to say that cops deserve coffee more than many people. however. this one had left his cruiser running outside. yep. hanging out with his coffee while the old crown vic sucked down the taxpayers' money and helped thin out the ozone layer. was he planning on being able to make a quick getaway? sure didn't look like it. and it really doesn't take that long to start a car. this would have irritated me enough without gas prices being what they are. grr.

I'm don't usually drool over daniel radcliffe the way most people seem to. but...um...well...um...







okay, that's as good a place to leave off a post as any.

strangest portent ever: barbara fritchie coming up twice in one day in two unrelated contexts. not that I should mention it. I talk way too much about omens and portents, especially when...well, actually they usually DO signify upcoming events in my life. only with me the events are usually good. great, now I've probably jinxed whatever it was. I'm way too superstitious for a Presbyterian/raised Baptist/deemed honorary Reform Jew/turned pseudo-Quaker.

regardless of how inflated or minute our egos, I think we all see ourselves as the stars of the sitcoms that are our lives. do you ever wonder if maybe you're not even on the air anymore? that maybe you're really just a supporting cast member on someone else's show? or could it be you're only an extra?

too much shep does stuff to my brain.

speaking of my brain, though, this is the second straight day I've been in a genuinely good mood. I literally cannot remember when this last happened. I'm just not going to question it.

I can't even laugh when I read this. it's way too close to being straight truth.

weirdness alert: I should really be in bed by now.

thanks for all the well wishes, all. we just might lick 'em yet.

have finally started watching "30 rock" and am unable to stop. it's not quite the greatest show ever *cough*the office*cough*, but if you like tina fey it's impossible not to enjoy it.

food for thought: in both the original ending AND the book upon which the film was based, ducky won. eat that. hint for the clueless--80s flicks, anyone?

the official wording on something that I tend to misquote...

francis: does it turn into a bed?

ida: yes, it becomes a bed. it's a special, magic sofa. it opens up for magic, lazy boy, and angels come and feed you grapes, and sing to you while you sleep, and it flies around the room granting wishes for boys who are stupid.



I've discussed with several people just what "loretta switt's automobile" should look like. I researched it and have decided it's an auburn boattail speedster. I should add that this has nothing to do with what she actually drives. just go with it.






and just for esses and gees, here's a picture of dad and I in my old wheels. I miss her.

so I have this idea. if you read this blog regularly (har har, brave soul that you are) you may have gathered that the past few months have been a really rough time for me. in fact, I'd call them the most difficult period of my life. I've deliberately skirted the reasons why here, and I ain't gonna get into them now--sorry to disappoint. not important for our purposes now, anyway. I've done everything that I can to try and set my life to rights. nothing seems to be working. every time I think I've made some progress I get knocked back to square one. and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going unless things look up.

maybe this is crazy enough to work. if you pray, pray for me. if you don't, well darn it hope for me. this is a plea for good vibes. an appeal for a little luck. I need some positive karma. grab people on the street and say, "do you know jeremy ball? doesn't matter. think him some happy thoughts."

I'm effing desperate, friends. all joking aside.

fie on't! only had him a year and there goes my resale value.

this article answers a question I've pondered for years. yeah, this is the kind of thing I devote my precious brain cells to.

for the second time--the first being in high school--I find myself obsessed with any and all things nick drake. his music just compliments my own past few months so well, which doesn't mean that I've been hopelessly depressed or any of that rot. just very...inwardly focused, how about that? the problem with being a nick drake fan is that his catalog is so sadly limited. so I think, "better find a similar artist to get myself into." well, there isn't really anyone who compares (with all due respect to elliott smith fans. excellent stuff, close but no cigar).

this brings back so many great memories. I've been looking for it for some time, since they don't keep it in their archives.

even though I haven't been feeling maudlin enough to go about it properly, I've been perusing a.e. housman this afternoon. I'm not impressed by all his stuff, but this little number...well, strikes a chord:

Shake hands, we shall never be friends, all's over;
I only vex you the more I try.
All's wrong that ever I've done or said,
And nought to help it in this dull head:
Shake hands, here's luck, good-bye.

But if you come to a road where danger
Or guilt or anguish or shame's to share,
Be good to the lad that loves you true
And the soul that was born to die for you,
And whistle and I'll be there.

--XXX, from housman's "more poems"

on the lighter side, hoppy Easter ladies and gents!

today, a quote:

"I want to stab him with his own stupid haircut."
--nadine "two sheds" wilson

also, an endorsement:

audioshell. I've been looking for something like this for ages. right click on any of your mp3s, go into "properties," and edit your id3 tags right there and then. and it's free. don't know why windows hasn't integrated this feature already. it's a lifesaver. is only listed as supporting xp and 2000, but works with vista just dandy.

just a quick update: attended kalani's birthday bash last night, and it was fabulous (except for the fact that I slept through several hours of it). pics are here. by the way--I get a lotta complaints that my posted pictures aren't big enough. one more time, folks: in webshots, after you click the thumbnail you also have to click the magnifying glass under the photo to get the full size. believe me, they're plenty big.

hate to say I told you so, but this is what I've been trying to tell people. well, more specifically, but same gist. I'm all for alternative energy sources, just like anyone with any sense. but jumping at anything that ISN'T dependent on crude oil is not a good idea.

a link to the blog of a friend of mine with even better (?) taste in movies than I have:

the trashy horror charlie show

he's also working on a book on the subject. man, I'd propose marriage if he wasn't a breeder.

whatwhatWHAT?

must remember to post about castle carnevale when I'm not headed to bed.

I'm sorry if this makes me immature, but speaking of my personal cardinal truths:

"that's what she said" jokes are always funny.

one of the great truths of life (if you're into guys; this metaphor doesn't apply otherwise): no matter how content you are, part of you is always going to be waiting to walk out of a church to find jake ryan standing beside his porsche.

I always laugh when I hear about someone receiving "the key to the city." unfortunately, that doesn't happen much anymore. the absolute funniest city to receive the key to? pasadena. you know it's true. here are my top five funniest cities for keys:

1) pasadena, ca
2) spokane, wa
3) wilkes-barre, pa
4) toledo, oh
5) perth amboy, nj

I guess I have a new life's goal.

friends and snow. those two things make me very happy indeed. take my word for the friends. see the snow here.

nadine, you are keeping me from sinking into complete insanity and ruin. thanks.

only, just in case you lie down on the job, I've got my power of attorney papers all drawn up. take note, mom.

at least I can still joke a little. google something like "psychotic episode warning signs," leaving out the quotes. yeah, I have most of those. I was rereading some of my older entries and trying to figure out when I last really felt...together. at peace with everything, not disillusioned with all the day to day stuff.

last may. ish. then last month it really began to spiral.

I've had some chipper posts since then, surely, but reading between the lines it really has been that long since I've felt satisfied with my life.

I think it's time I started using my shrink's office for something other than picking up prescriptions.

let's talk for a minute about scream queens. as an aficionado of both rotten and redeemable horror films, ladies labeled as such have made great contributions to my life. when the viewing public labels the ultimate scream queens, however, they tend to only pick those who have been in films of note. this is unavoidable; after all, how many people have actually seen "mari-cookie and the killer tarantula in 8 legs to love you?" I know I haven't. but it seems unfair that a label that intrinsically should be applied to fringe b-movie stars gets slapped on, say, jamie lee curtis. time and time again. nothing against jamie lee, mind--I'm a big fan. but I reviewed the resumes of several notable screen queens on imdb, giving them a point for each film they've made that can be termed horror. how does she stack up?




(yes, I actually went to the trouble to tally all those films and make this chart. I am the KING time waster.)

so I'd like to give a big shout out to linnea quigley, aka trash from "return of the living dead." may she never stop crankin em out.

I learned a lot this morning. I really hope I don't lose it all by the time I wake up this afternoon. I'm making this entry to remind myself that there are people who actually think I might be capable of steamrollering the fucking world, and that--at the moment, anyway--I think they may be right.

Which Office character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jim Halpert You're Jim! That's so cool, Jim's awesome. Jim Halpert 60% Jan Levinson 60% Pam Beesly 55% Ryan Howard 55% Angela Martin 55% Michael Scott 50% Dwight Schrute 30%

(okay, so I had to take five different quizzes to get jim. but I didn't take any twice or skew my answers!)

all my usual complaints aside, it's rare that I genuinely find myself In A Crisis. my issues are usually limited to a lifespan of a day or two; they rarely interfere with my ability to function normally and in a cheerful and productive fashion. in psych courses you cover what coping mechanisms people use In A Crisis. dietary habits change, as do sleeping habits and substance use. all that good stuff. but because my setbacks are limited to a single sleep-wake cycle or two, I have from time to time wondered just what my ways of coping are. I'm not saying that I've never felt seriously disturbed, only that most of the major problems are--thankfully--far enough between that I don't give it much thought.

take note: when In A Crisis, jeremy drinks too much, sleeps too little, and eats next to nothing. if I forget, I'll have this entry to refresh my memory.

leading up to the primaries, some candidates are becoming progressively more visible while others are losing ground quickly. want to be able to stick up for the underdog? want to support a front runner with a ringing affirmative? take a fun online quiz.

bet you never knew what the phrase "piping hot" actually means. I didn't.

I think I'd be much happier if I could go around with a dave brubeck song stuck in my head constantly.

jillions of people have seen the film the graduate, but I've never met anyone besides myself who has read the novel by charles webb. that's a shame; webb has a very unique writing style, very heavy on deadpan dialogue. forty years after penning the graduate he has published a sequel entitled home school. it has received favorable reviews and my copy is on the way. I'm excited all out of proportion, as fans of the ben/elaine/mrs. robinson triangle really should be.

I only hope that it's a satisfying read. I hate it when an author publishes a sequel to a novel I love only to have events take a rotten turn. if the book is by a different writer you can say, "oh, well. it really doesn't count." but sometimes the original author whips up a real stinker. anyone read son of rosemary? don't. because guess what? everything that happens in rosemary's baby is a DREAM. yep, the whole novel doesn't happen. sometimes I wonder about ira levin.

edit: have just discovered that he died in november. alas.

oh, today's my birthday. don't get all excited; I'm not. I was already cranky about turning twenty-seven for various reasons. then, in her grand tradition of noticing the most delightfully random aspects of the obvious, ali mentioned that "twenty-seven has the most syllables of any age we've ever been." yikes.

at any rate, I think this clip sums it all up nicely:

romantically involved white male seeks person to provide sense of direction. open to any and all possibilities. applicants must show skill in showing people what the hell they should do with their lives. non smoker a plus.

the other day justin was kicking around the idea of our moving to asheville once he gets his degree. I was iffy, but look at the ellington--a hotel with condos to be constructed this year. some people in asheville are against it as being a bit too hulking for downtown, but how can you not love a building as "ghostbusters" as this? mark my words: in the unlikely event we move, it'll be here.

also: the onion radio news always makes me laugh, but for some reason this most recent clip almost had me on the floor. probably because it sounds so familiar.

fun way to mess with someone: randomly walk up to him/her and say, "you know, it's people like you who make this country great." I tested that one tonight and the results were satisfying.

speaking of patriotism, is it wrong that I think omar osama bin laden is kind of...attractive? don't answer that.

I can't believe we're actually having some winter weather. bring it on.

david cronenberg says a lot of quotable things. I think my favorite is:

"my dentist said to me the other day: I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films?"

in closing, here's a picture of a capybara. no particular reason, I just like them.

it's taken me years to break down and watch it, but I finally have to admit: "the office" really is the best show on tv. not since the dearly departed "arrested development" have I been so enamored of a sitcom. however, I discovered something that should be distressing to fellow fans...there is no chili's in scranton.

watching "the office" has also made me come to an upsetting conclusion. its ratings, like those of A.D., have never been that high. so many of the best shows on tv just don't get big audiences, and I think I've ascertained why. no laugh track. it seems most americans need to be told when it's okay to laugh. if they don't hear other people laughing, it must not be funny. I'm glad I finally realized this. it makes me feel more secure in the knowledge that I'm better than everyone else.

most funnest fattening hobby ever: making ice cream. justin got me a machine for Christmas and it's so addictive.

mike huckabee = scary. so let's laugh at him.

that's hot. er, I mean shocking, terribly shocking. despite dr. anderson's assertions to the contrary, though, I can't believe that the exclusive use of cheerleaders as a sample didn't affect the results. I mean, really.

why is it that computer literacy and plain old literacy seem to be at odds? I can barely stand to go on any message boards anymore. I can understand taking shortcuts when you're texting, IMing, and the like. but let's have some periods in our posts, some commas in our comments. and PLEASE work on your basic spelling skills. whenever I'm reading someone's opinion or review, I immediately stop caring when I see that they can't put a sentence together. it makes you seem unintelligent. ergo, you must be wrong. it's not that hard to grasp. I'm terrified that in a few years people won't be able to use syntax or grammar if their lives depend on it. and if I get my hands on some of these nimrods, they will.

I know, it's nothing new. but it still hasn't gotten old.



oh, and happy new year!