choosing a calendar is a big deal in my house. we have only one; it hangs just above the kitchen phone. it's a decision that must be lived with for a full year. 2008 has yet to be decided. if I was just a LITTLE more distasteful, I think I'd have to push for this one:







yes, it's real. a Mormon missionary beefcake calendar. tres funny.

I spent some time this evening looking between my reflection and old pictures of myself and came to a conclusion. I've suspected it for a while, and it's true.

four years of wearing headphones 7+ hours a day have flattened my ears.

before you scoff, keep in mind that I wear big 70s lookin headphones. no piddling earbuds for this fella. and my ears have always been unusually elastic. in high school, tiffany discovered that tugging upward on one of my ears can lengthen it by almost a full half inch (don't ask why we attempted that experiment; I don't honestly remember).

this is excellent news. my entire adult life I've wanted otoplasty, and since I've been self-supporting I've considered it seriously. I've always hated my jug ears, only now they're not so juggy. I got the benefits of surgery without the pain and expense--in fact, you could say that I got paid to have my ears "done." oh happy day!

now I can focus more on how I loathe everything between my neck and waist.

generally reading any of my old poetry makes me want to barf, but this one's not too bad:

youth wasted on children

I think about standing at washington square
in new york watching a tweed-clad boy
with a super 8 camera film pigeons and
feeling more envious than I ever had

and I wonder if I want a bonfire by the lake
or an old house filled with wood for my
children to slide down banisters and
smear peanut butter on the oriental rugs

and I hope that it’s not always necessary
to leave one life behind for another, and if
I can’t at least put off growing up long enough
to get away with a few more fits of hysteria

and I grow smug looking back on the
teenaged me that had so much fun affecting
adulthood with jim beam and cigarettes
and think man, if you only knew

if you only knew

© 2007 jeremy ball. all rights reserved.