a little more stuff to relate. I won $10 on the slot machine last night at the club. that was fun. what wasn't fun was getting hit on by a forty-something pharmacist with more hair on his upper lip than his head. that was my cue to leave, blecch.

didn't go to Lotito Park tonight. Mom got out of the mood. fine by me.

I decided randomly today to quit smoking. all the crap like Nicorette is too pricey, so I developed my own stop-smoking method: gum. lots of gum. and some suckers. wish me luck. (note: anyone who belittles my efforts by saying things like "suuuuure. quit smoking? right." will be henceforth redubbed "Asshole." as in "hey Asshole! wanna go grab some dinner out somewhere?" said nomenclature will last indefinitely.)

does anyone else live in constant worry that they are somehow failing their significant other? it takes me at least a couple months in a relationship to stop feeling that way. I'm still in that mode, alas. I think I'm worried mostly cuz I found this random text file on my hard drive last night that was a big collection of e-mails that Lam had sent me. there were all these passages like "sorry you were busy today, maybe we'll talk tomorrow" and "you haven't seemed yourself lately; is something wrong?"

it made me think about how much he put into that relationship and how little I gave back. it's the one break-up that I feel truly guilty about. not that I'd want him back or anything--wonderful guy; we just weren't suited for each other--but I don't want to shortchange anyone like that ever again. I've got a pretty fantastic fella at the moment, and I just hope he walks around like a Cheshire cat the way I do. and if he ever stops smiling, that he'll tell me why. unlike another gentleman who, exactly this time last year, was stringing me along because he didn't have the balls to kick me to the curb quite yet.

spineless jerk. but I digress.

I broke down and bought the first Harry Potter book tonight. sigh. I guess it was only a matter of time.