"jimmy crack corn and I don't care?" well, guess what? I don't care either.

no matter how long I live, I already know what my life's greatest regret is going to be: that I never met kurt vonnegut. oh, he's still alive and kicking at 85. but even if the man has twenty or more years of life left--which at this point seems quite possible--what are the chances that our paths will converge? not that I'd have any idea what to say to him. but I'll always regret never having the chance to say it.

independence day is nigh! so nice of north carolina to permit the sale of fireworks...if by fireworks you mean sparklers and fizzy fountain things. as if not having independent liquor stores didn't make this state fascist enough!

I don't have any transvestitic (is that a word? it is now) urges, but I can't help but be a little jealous of the socially acceptable right of ladies to wear elaborate hats. specifically I speak of african-american women's "church hats." church hats are the bomb.

when I take over the world, persons in both marriages and civil unions (and possibly domestic partnerships, under the right circumstances) will have the opportunity to legally punish cheating partners. if evidence can be provided that infidelity did indeed take place, then the cuckold will have the option to command that the adulterer's genitalia be surgically removed. with anesthetic--I'm not THAT sadistic.

I'm also going to put a stop to the abhorrent practice of men wearing their shirt collars flipped up. that might be more important, really.