so I have this idea. if you read this blog regularly (har har, brave soul that you are) you may have gathered that the past few months have been a really rough time for me. in fact, I'd call them the most difficult period of my life. I've deliberately skirted the reasons why here, and I ain't gonna get into them now--sorry to disappoint. not important for our purposes now, anyway. I've done everything that I can to try and set my life to rights. nothing seems to be working. every time I think I've made some progress I get knocked back to square one. and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going unless things look up.

maybe this is crazy enough to work. if you pray, pray for me. if you don't, well darn it hope for me. this is a plea for good vibes. an appeal for a little luck. I need some positive karma. grab people on the street and say, "do you know jeremy ball? doesn't matter. think him some happy thoughts."

I'm effing desperate, friends. all joking aside.

fie on't! only had him a year and there goes my resale value.

this article answers a question I've pondered for years. yeah, this is the kind of thing I devote my precious brain cells to.

for the second time--the first being in high school--I find myself obsessed with any and all things nick drake. his music just compliments my own past few months so well, which doesn't mean that I've been hopelessly depressed or any of that rot. just very...inwardly focused, how about that? the problem with being a nick drake fan is that his catalog is so sadly limited. so I think, "better find a similar artist to get myself into." well, there isn't really anyone who compares (with all due respect to elliott smith fans. excellent stuff, close but no cigar).

this brings back so many great memories. I've been looking for it for some time, since they don't keep it in their archives.

even though I haven't been feeling maudlin enough to go about it properly, I've been perusing a.e. housman this afternoon. I'm not impressed by all his stuff, but this little number...well, strikes a chord:

Shake hands, we shall never be friends, all's over;
I only vex you the more I try.
All's wrong that ever I've done or said,
And nought to help it in this dull head:
Shake hands, here's luck, good-bye.

But if you come to a road where danger
Or guilt or anguish or shame's to share,
Be good to the lad that loves you true
And the soul that was born to die for you,
And whistle and I'll be there.

--XXX, from housman's "more poems"

on the lighter side, hoppy Easter ladies and gents!

today, a quote:

"I want to stab him with his own stupid haircut."
--nadine "two sheds" wilson

also, an endorsement:

audioshell. I've been looking for something like this for ages. right click on any of your mp3s, go into "properties," and edit your id3 tags right there and then. and it's free. don't know why windows hasn't integrated this feature already. it's a lifesaver. is only listed as supporting xp and 2000, but works with vista just dandy.

just a quick update: attended kalani's birthday bash last night, and it was fabulous (except for the fact that I slept through several hours of it). pics are here. by the way--I get a lotta complaints that my posted pictures aren't big enough. one more time, folks: in webshots, after you click the thumbnail you also have to click the magnifying glass under the photo to get the full size. believe me, they're plenty big.

hate to say I told you so, but this is what I've been trying to tell people. well, more specifically, but same gist. I'm all for alternative energy sources, just like anyone with any sense. but jumping at anything that ISN'T dependent on crude oil is not a good idea.

a link to the blog of a friend of mine with even better (?) taste in movies than I have:

the trashy horror charlie show

he's also working on a book on the subject. man, I'd propose marriage if he wasn't a breeder.

whatwhatWHAT?

must remember to post about castle carnevale when I'm not headed to bed.

I'm sorry if this makes me immature, but speaking of my personal cardinal truths:

"that's what she said" jokes are always funny.

one of the great truths of life (if you're into guys; this metaphor doesn't apply otherwise): no matter how content you are, part of you is always going to be waiting to walk out of a church to find jake ryan standing beside his porsche.

I always laugh when I hear about someone receiving "the key to the city." unfortunately, that doesn't happen much anymore. the absolute funniest city to receive the key to? pasadena. you know it's true. here are my top five funniest cities for keys:

1) pasadena, ca
2) spokane, wa
3) wilkes-barre, pa
4) toledo, oh
5) perth amboy, nj

I guess I have a new life's goal.

friends and snow. those two things make me very happy indeed. take my word for the friends. see the snow here.

nadine, you are keeping me from sinking into complete insanity and ruin. thanks.

only, just in case you lie down on the job, I've got my power of attorney papers all drawn up. take note, mom.

at least I can still joke a little. google something like "psychotic episode warning signs," leaving out the quotes. yeah, I have most of those. I was rereading some of my older entries and trying to figure out when I last really felt...together. at peace with everything, not disillusioned with all the day to day stuff.

last may. ish. then last month it really began to spiral.

I've had some chipper posts since then, surely, but reading between the lines it really has been that long since I've felt satisfied with my life.

I think it's time I started using my shrink's office for something other than picking up prescriptions.

let's talk for a minute about scream queens. as an aficionado of both rotten and redeemable horror films, ladies labeled as such have made great contributions to my life. when the viewing public labels the ultimate scream queens, however, they tend to only pick those who have been in films of note. this is unavoidable; after all, how many people have actually seen "mari-cookie and the killer tarantula in 8 legs to love you?" I know I haven't. but it seems unfair that a label that intrinsically should be applied to fringe b-movie stars gets slapped on, say, jamie lee curtis. time and time again. nothing against jamie lee, mind--I'm a big fan. but I reviewed the resumes of several notable screen queens on imdb, giving them a point for each film they've made that can be termed horror. how does she stack up?




(yes, I actually went to the trouble to tally all those films and make this chart. I am the KING time waster.)

so I'd like to give a big shout out to linnea quigley, aka trash from "return of the living dead." may she never stop crankin em out.

I learned a lot this morning. I really hope I don't lose it all by the time I wake up this afternoon. I'm making this entry to remind myself that there are people who actually think I might be capable of steamrollering the fucking world, and that--at the moment, anyway--I think they may be right.

Which Office character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jim Halpert You're Jim! That's so cool, Jim's awesome. Jim Halpert 60% Jan Levinson 60% Pam Beesly 55% Ryan Howard 55% Angela Martin 55% Michael Scott 50% Dwight Schrute 30%

(okay, so I had to take five different quizzes to get jim. but I didn't take any twice or skew my answers!)

all my usual complaints aside, it's rare that I genuinely find myself In A Crisis. my issues are usually limited to a lifespan of a day or two; they rarely interfere with my ability to function normally and in a cheerful and productive fashion. in psych courses you cover what coping mechanisms people use In A Crisis. dietary habits change, as do sleeping habits and substance use. all that good stuff. but because my setbacks are limited to a single sleep-wake cycle or two, I have from time to time wondered just what my ways of coping are. I'm not saying that I've never felt seriously disturbed, only that most of the major problems are--thankfully--far enough between that I don't give it much thought.

take note: when In A Crisis, jeremy drinks too much, sleeps too little, and eats next to nothing. if I forget, I'll have this entry to refresh my memory.