I try to refrain from comments as judgemental as this, but sienna miller is a dumb whore. there. I've said it.

I've always been a cologne snob. 4711 has changed that. if it was good enough for george washington it's good enough for me. and I love people telling me that I smell great--I just don't clue them in to the fact that said smell costs a mere six bucks a bottle.

jean shepherd is corrupting my brain. I am still listening to nothing else at work, which amounts to over six hours of shep per day. my conversations are becoming peppered with antiquated slang like "dad" and "bad scene." it's only a matter of time before I start offering people the brass figlagee with bronze oak leaf palm. and it'll make me so sad when they look at me funny. kids today just don't know what's cool.

'rents here today for dad's belated birthday dinner at olive garden, which was great. my present to dad was reminding him that he's now old enough to order from many senior citizens menus. because it really is the thought that counts.

I want to go to frisco and visit tiffany. I also want to go to salem/portland, boston, wisconsin dells (indoor water park capital of the universe), omaha, vancouver, glasgow, dubai, sydney, marrakesh, tokyo, and a few other cities. too bad travel is so time consuming and expensive. if only they'd invent teleportation. of course, then I'd be out of a job.

I'm all in favor of outlawing cell phone usage without headsets while driving. but in return, I think that the cell users of the world deserve better headsets than what are on the market. when I got my razr I got a nifty bluetooth headset. it started gathering dust when I got sick of people being unable to hear more than every third or fourth syllable of my speech. so I got an old school wired earphone. nearly every time I use it, I end up yanking it out and talking on the headset alone so that I can be heard at all. I'm fed up, I tell ya.

speaking of laws: if youtube bites the dust due to all this copyright bullshit, there will be no hope left for me. how can The Powers That Be see a website that only allows 10 minute clips as a threat when full length films are constantly being swapped through torrent usage? some complete movies are on youtube broken up into segments, okay. but if anyone's lame enough to actually download each segment and fuse them together to watch the flick, they will NOT fork out the cash to buy it in the store if they have to.

fun food for thought: you're the hottest new thing in hollywood, and interview magazine wants to run an article on you (in case you don't know--rather than using conventional journalists, interview has celebrities interview OTHER celebrities). who would you want to interview you?

after giving the matter much thought, I'm all about shooting the breeze with julia stiles. we're about the same age, I respect her as an actress, and I think it would be less frustrating to talk with a columbia grad than with some bubbleheaded hollywood poster child.

"fight test" by the flaming lips makes me get all teary. not because it's a sad song--it certainly isn't that--but because it reminds me that college did, in fact, happen. those four years were magic. they really were. I'm happier now, sure. I wouldn't trade my life for anything; I'm so damned lucky! but I miss feeling...that life was finally beginning. I think that captures it pretty well. it was like I spent that time with all five senses maxed out, drinking up the world. there was all this potential, all this electricity.

since I'm not in an overly sentimental mood, time to change the subject. can you believe that there is now a dustin diamond sex tape in public hands? crazy. I have to see it, of course, although it may blind me. I just feel that it's my duty.

I never should have posted about my new car. it's just made me more anxious to get the damn thing. I'll shed tears over ophelia, to be sure. but it's like the week before Christmas when you're a kid, seeing all the gifts under the tree. they mock you, drive you insane with anticipation. there was one holiday season when I was 9 or 10 when, little by little, I picked all the corners off the wrapping paper trying to see what all the boxes were. I thought no one would notice. mm hmm.

by the way, I got a pair of radio controlled race cars that year. they were from the jcpenney catalog. totally sweet.

through some idiocy of mine, I completely vaporized firefox on my computer to the extent that not even a system restore would fix things. all my saved passwords, pfft. all my themes and extensions, pow. and the biggie? about a hundred bookmarks collected over a period of several years, adios. all I can think about are things that I would rather have happened than this. some examples are having all my tires slashed, all my CDs stolen, gaining twenty pounds, and/or the complete destruction of a major household appliance. well. so it goes.

I'm so addicted to old jean shepherd radio shows (shep is best known as the author of and the narrator in A Christmas Story). I don't know if I'm ever going to need audio books again. he's not for everyone. but if you like the idea of listening to a guy ramble aimlessly, yell, and play the kazoo for an hour or so, you'll dig him. best of all, TONS of mp3s of his stuff are available here completely free of charge. the best way to sift through it all is to do a "Search By Artist Name" and type in a random year from the 50s or 60s. my gigabeat runneth over.

it amazes me that, in this day and age, many straight men remain completely ignorant of the whereabouts of the female g-spot. I wonder how many of these guys would also deny the existence of the male g-spot on their own person. I'll bet there's a strong correlation.

speaking of men, here's "a guy thing" that womenfolk should be let in on. don't ever believe a guy when he says, "it's not heavy, it's just awkward" when he lifts something. it's heavy. he just won't admit it.

so I was going to try and keep this under wraps until I had the object in my possession, but I've just gotta say it: I'm getting that new car! I put down a deposit on a black honda fit sport that should presently be en route from japan. it may be a couple of weeks yet, and the anticipation is murder. of course flow honda will have to give me a fair deal on 'phelia or I'll take my money back and tell them to shove it.

I am so stressed I could scream. I'd love to scream, in fact, but since I already have a headache that would make it worse, thereby stressing me out more. I can't win.

not gonna worry about anything all weekend. I shall eat, drink, and be merry. come monday, I will face the coming week with new resolve and a one-two punch.

I hope.

in other news, marie antoinette is the best movie ever. no, I haven't seen it yet--seeing as how it hasn't been released that would be difficult. but the teaser alone is all I need to see (to say nothing of the spectacular full length trailer).

here's a new topic for ya: financial advice. if you're interested in socking away a few dollars, follow in my footsteps and open an account at ing direct. the idea of an internet-only bank is sketchy, sure. but they've got a proven record, they're FDIC insured, and their savings account interest rates are waaaaaaaaaaaay higher than any bank you can walk into off the street.

justin's enjoying his job lately. I'm not enjoying mine. when did we slip into bizarro world? I trust that the situation will be rectified soon. mine, anyway--last week I was overwhelmed with a lot of unfamiliar work, but I'm expecting this week to take a turn for the better. let's hope his career outlook stays screwed up.

I can understand why some bipolar/dysthymic folks love their manic episodes so much that they won't take meds. I miss laughing uncontrollably for no apparent reason. thankfully, as long as family guy stays on the air, I'll at least be able to laugh uncontrollably on sunday nights.

I love a straight guy who's open minded enough to realize that sexual orientation doesn't define who someone is. I also love straight guys who aren't afraid to be physically affectionate--bear hugs, shoulder rubs, that kinda thing--and ones who don't freak out when their gay friends discuss their attraction to particular members of the same sex. but I'll tell you what I don't like: incredibly attractive guys who identify as straight while openly flirting with gay men, all the while having no intention of following up on their overtures.

if anyone reading this has a friend who has a friend who has a friend who knows julian mcmahon, please get him to read this post. yeah, I read your article in the advocate, buddy. fuckin cocktease.

in light of the upcoming holidays, I've begun revising my amazon.com wish list. and YES, all my info is correct this time--anything bought for me will be delivered to the right place. supposing anyone loves me enough to buy me stuff...because really, isn't that what the holiday season is all about?

funny but true: some years ago, one of the Christmas presents that I asked my parents for was a copy of the movie hairspray . my mum got a little confused when she went shopping.

she bought me shampoo.

possibly the best mistake she ever made, though. I'd never seen it before, but have come to regard shampoo as one of the all time great films. far too many people in this day and age haven't seen it, and shame on all of you. go rent and/or buy it right this second.

in other cinematic news, my newest obsession is mamie van doren. why? for a good example, looka here. sorry to offend any marilyn monroe fans, but to me the choice is clear. mamie is THE sex goddess of her time. period. and her time period.

still more cinematic news: all y'all were right about little miss sunshine. hot damn, what a flick! and all y'all critics were right about the covenant. hot damn, what a rotten flick!

I may be pretentious, but I would NEVER use the word "zeitgeist" in polite conversation. people who do should be silenced permanently. it reminds me of something that kurt vonnegut says in a man without a country. I don't remember the exact quote, but he commands the reader never to use semicolons in writing. he says they only prove you've been to college. so I'm trying to cut back.

as usual I'm about five years behind, but I'm pretty sure that sam-e is a miracle drug. now that I've started taking it I'm about as willing to miss one as a hooker is to forget a birth control pill. I'm such a pharmie. is that a word? it is now. it sounds nicer than pill popper. well, at least I can claim a) that I have all the necessary prescriptions and b) that I've never sold any of my drugs. giving them away as party favors doesn't count.

newly discovered wonder of my personal world: cherry kijafa, a syrupy sweet danish wine that's much more potent than most whites or reds. teeter has it here, and I imagine that most wine stores do. try this: put some ice cubes into a tall glass and fill it 2/3 full of kijafa. fill the rest with sprite...and squirt in a good bit of hershey's syrup and stir. seriously. if you like the taste of cherry cordials you'll love it. if not, leave the syrup out. either way, it's a yummy, strong beverage that doesn't even taste much like alcohol. mmm.

maybe I should get some sleep before I start getting ideas about robbing both liquor stores and pharmacies, huh?

brad pitt has never impressed me much.

he does now.

as much as I love self checkout lanes, it's a shame that there's no cashier on hand to comment on my purchases. which is why I've started talking to myself while scanning my items. for example, upon swiping a bag of great value fruit smiles across the scanner at wal-mart, I took a minute to say, "are these any good?" before bagging them. that's what cashiers always want to know about your food items: "are these any good?" because people regularly buy groceries that they hate.

speaking of consumerism, is anyone else amused by the number of new cleaning products that advertise themselves as having "THE POWER OF OXYGEN!"? I'm so glad that we discovered that...what's it called again? oxygen? seems like it really makes life easier and stuff. all those years that we lived in ignorance of THE POWER OF OXYGEN. the human race has come so far thanks to science and technology.

fellow mst3k fans: I've known about the greatest site ever for a while, but never commented on it here. I've just ordered my second batch of ten discs. I need to watch more joel episodes, I know, but part of me is just crazy in love with mike. another dilf for the list.

I'm going to learn to ski this winter. I grew up about 30 minutes from some decent ski country--several kids at my high school did ski patrol for wintertime spending money--and I think it's time. I'm not all that interested in skiing, honestly. it's just that I stumbled across some pictures of whistler, british columbia and I think it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. one day I must go, and to enjoy it fully I feel that I must ski. and I love winter so much. I'd love to see at least a little snow this year.

nick lachey needs to stop looking so damn tortured all the time. quite frankly, he just doesn't seem intelligent enough to ruminate. give him a copy of the bell jar and some black nail polish and he could be any gothic/melodramatic high school girl in america. with better abs.

are the postal service ever going to release a second album? for fuck's sake.

I'm supposed to be at dragon*con right now. I'm not. long story. made short, I felt like death warmed over on saturday morning and the idea of staying up to drive six hours made me want to drink drano.

tomorrow marks two years with justin. hopefully at least 90 more to go.

lmn has been crankin out the fabulous early 90s tv movies this weekend. between them and tcm, who needs pay channels? my hard drive is full of b-movie goodness--time to break out that spindle of taiyo yuden dvds.

thanks to my pal at bhendrix.com for introducing me to the stumbleupon plugin. and thanks to stumbleupon for showing me the greatest internet timewaster I've seen in...maybe ever. I offer no explanation, just instructions: click and drag stuff.

I'm not as far left politically as a lot of people, but I'm cheering with the liberals at the news of plan b being made available over the counter. of course, that's not so much a political issue as common sense, in my opinion. which means that I'm probably more left leaning than I think.

I have to stop trying to make my life more interesting by buying things. it only works for about twenty-four hours per purchase. also, I'm running out of cool stuff that I want to buy. although I am squirreling away money for a new set of wheels. I adore 'phelia, but at close to 100k miles I worry that she's getting a little tired. I want a honda fit, but they're so in demand that if I can get a hold of one I'll probably be offered a lousy deal on my trade in. well, it's a moot point until at least october. and I'll probably chicken out--I love my miata too much.

I admire this year's primetime emmys for keeping the program on schedule, but shit! they had the winners on a freakin conveyor belt! I'm surprised they didn't just chuck the awards into the audience. entertaining, though, even if a certain ex of mine swaggered away with best supporting actor in a comedy. well, his acceptance speech was short and finished quickly, which I've come to expect from him. I'd threaten to jam that statuette where the sun don't shine, but any day now I'm sure I'll get a drunken phone call begging me to do just that--in a scenario probably also involving candle wax and duct tape. sigh...maybe I do still care about him.

[legal disclaimer: I don't know jeremy piven. to the best of my knowledge, he isn't any guy's ex or current boyfriend. my referring to him as such is a running inside joke stemming from my long-term love-hate relationship with his celebrity persona, which has been chronicled in previous posts. so there.]

catching them on a rerun of "pee wee's playhouse" reminded me just how fabulous the del rubio triplets are. I speak of both their legs and their music. their sole in-print cd (an anthology, thankfully) is on its way to me from amazon. that way I can stop continuously streaming "walk like an egyptian" from their myspace.

I've also rekindled my love for robert altman. short cuts is absolutely one of the most brilliant films ever, and a wedding may just be my new (old) favorite comedy.

I make no secret of my love for all things narnia. but having read the chronicles approximately fifty times each (maybe thirty for the last battle; I just don't care for it much), I've realized that there's one thing that c.s. lewis's editor should not have stood for. it is made very clear that talking beasts and people are on the same plain of respectability. so the author should NOT have alternated pronouns between "he/she" and "it" when referring to them. it seems completely random.

I hate not getting home from work until morning radio shows are on the air. besides meaning that it's been a friggin long night, I hate any and all morning radio shows. who the hell wants to wake up to a bunch of idiots sniggering at their own dumb jokes and dumber sound bytes, anyway?

so my parents gave me the old phone from my bedroom at home to use in our study. although not a dial phone, it's fashioned to look like one and sure as hell sounds like one. makes me jump three feet when it rings. the reason I find it so funny is that it sounds uncannily like the phone that the martians investigate in the old "sesame street" episode. to bring back memories, click here. to see the hilarious "drawn together" send-up of it, click here as well. thank heavens for youtube.

a new baby! nadine has assumed custody of ye olde ipod mini and I'm now the proud owner of a toshiba gigabeat. he's so cool. now I can be even dorkier than before, using my pc to record "the closer" AND taking the episodes wherever I go.

speaking of pc, if all the muscles in my body were as developed as my pc muscles, I'd look like arnold schwarzenegger in conan the barbarian.

if you don't already know, don't look up "pc muscles" unless you really don't mind knowing an awful lot about me.

I've had an enjoyable random few days off from work. odfl doesn't let us carry vacation days over, and I only have until september 29th (the anniversary of my hire date) to use this year's up. so I took justin and went to visit my folks. they're talking more seriously about selling both their houses and moving down here. it would be sad, sure--I mean, I lived in one house for eighteen years and some change--but I place a higher priority on having them live closer to me.

new wal-mart opened today! that's more exciting than it sounds, since it means that we will only be driving five minutes to shop there instead of 20-30. I know vol-de-mart is the devil's playground and all, but dammit! the devil sells cheap stuff!

gotta rest up so I can be fresh for getting back to the grind tomorrow. for a whole two straight days, anyway.

ho-lee shit. greensboro's actually starting to add bike lanes to the streets.
never thought I'd see the day.

I've rediscovered my love of fluffernutter sandwiches. jeez, I live on sugar. it's pathetic.

I'm so sick of the summer heat. it's been the hottest season I can ever remember. I wish I could kid myself into thinking that there'll be a nice cold winter this year, but I doubt it. with fuel costs it's just as well, I guess. but I truly believe that I'm a canadian at heart, and that includes a predisposition for cooler temperatures.

after years of hearing about clues to paul mccartney's "death" in the song "revolution number nine," I finally got around to playing it backwards.

don't. I'm sure a lot of it is because I knew what to listen for, but it's the most horrific thing I've ever heard. the nightmares started the same night, and I'm just hoping they're gone for good.

of course I believe in spirits and phantoms, anyway. I saw...something once. when I was in high school I was out driving in a rural area near home by myself. as I approached a set of railroad tracks I noticed that the signals were green. ergo a train was coming, and I got ready to stop. oddly, there was no train. just as I crossed the tracks, I slammed on the brake in surprise. standing just next to the crossing, I had seen the shadow of a man in a baseball cap. checking the rearview, he was gone. there was nothing that he could have darted behind, no cover at all. and the railroad signals were back to red, as they should have been.

I declare this meeting of the midnight society closed.

I guess I'm expected to comment on the lance bass situation. so: good for him. I'd like to believe that his honesty will lead to a wider acceptance of homosexuality in young, attractive celebrity males. I'd also like to believe that I'm going to write dozens of expertly crafted childrens' books that will outsell the harry potter series. then I take a minute for a reality check.

by the way, I wonder how many people know that childrens' book author is my dream job? well, I guess now a few more do. I'm thinking less j.k. rowling and more louis sachar, though. maybe someday.

speaking of celebs, I had the most wonderful/horrible dream last night. sean astin asked me to marry him. the good news? in the dream he was gay (and unmarried). the bad? I had to explain the situation to justin, also very much a presence in said dream. as previously stated, I DO believe that justin is "the one." but come on! sean astin? he's my ultimate cuddle buddy.

by the way, if anyone dares to even THINK of calling sean fat after reading this, I will find you. and you will be punished.

I still hope that justin and I will be married someday. even though it was initially scheduled for this fall, I guess even a commitment ceremony is out at this stage of the game. well, time will tell. I hope.

(author's note: current mood is insecure. no special reason, just natural default state of mind.)

more celeb-related things: dragon*con membership passes have arrived! one step closer to The Barbeau...and nicholas brendon. I just hope I can control myself in his presence. oh xander, thou art my fantasy boy next door...

first dinner at a p.f. chang's tonight. mmm. I'm more excited, though, about the impending opening of mimi's cafe. I didn't know eggs could even be used for all that. so many fun new places in gso. sometimes urban sprawl is all right with me.

I was all ready to pissed off at josh h. for discontinuing his blog. turns out I just had to tweak my link a little. so it works now, for those of you bold enough to humble yourselves in his electronic presence.

I must attempt to get some sleep. group field trip to the zoo tomorrow, and I want to be alert in case any children fall into the lions' habitat. not to rescue them, of course--I just want to be quick with the camera.

it has been brought to my attention that north carolina is an ideal environment for growing certain types of truffles. there are several truffle orchards (the only way to cultivate them is to plant trees that they like to grow around, usually filberts) here, the most productive near hillsborough. those little suckers fetch upwards of $1k per pound.

that is so cool.

parents visited today. used books at mckay's and mongolian goodness at crazy fire. I love doing things like that with the 'rents--the stuff that justin and I do all the time which they can't do at home. it makes me feel like a good host.

myspace has been up and down all weekend. I don't know which is funnier, how many thousands of people are pissed off about that or the fact that I'm one of them.

currently reading wicked. not what I expected, and I mean that in a good way. will write more about it when done.

fellow sufferers of tmj disorders, I've found a therapy that is very helpful. whichever side of your jaw is giving you heck, use your thumb to massage the hard muscles inside that side of your mouth just by your back upper teeth while holding your index finger against your cheek on the other side. it ain't no cure, but it keeps the old jaw pretty pop-free for several minutes and lessens the severity of the prob for quite a while.

this is by far one of my favorites from ytmnd.com.

I remember when the struggle for gay rights made me sad. I remember when it made me angry. both of those reactions are better than what I feel now: just very, very tired.

I want to ask a question that opponents of gay marriage don't seem to consider. if gay men are as promiscuous as society seems to believe, why are so many of us anxious to set outselves up for an lifetime of exclusivity with one other person?

I've found my soulmate, my true love. I could never be with anyone else. the one person in the world that I'm meant for. surely only a tiny percentage of the world's population can claim that. and I wish that america could respect it.

we're not in it for the money, the tax breaks, the benefits. we're not out to shove rainbow flags in the face of straight society. we're not vigilantes anxious to stand family values on end.

we are professional, educated, Christian. we wash our cars in our suburban driveway and wave to our neighbors. we're close with our families, we spoil our pets. we give back to our community. we don't do drugs, smoke, or drink to excess. we are just like a lot of other people.

and we just want to be treated that way.

I'm starting to believe that that's never going to happen.

I'm so glad that there's a decent selection of chris daughtry slash fiction online. it warms my heart. but did I really think there wouldn't be?

so my cell phone was having issues and cingular sent me a replacement. the wrong model--a more outdated one. such efficiency. guess I'll be giving them a call.

I've got to start getting more sleep. I stay up too late and it's starting to make me feel really cruddy. I'm just too much of a 'net junkie, I suppose.

I'm revisiting my teenage love affair with christopher pike books by picking up a few used ones here and there. reading them now they seem so awful. but bad movie awful, not awful awful. I'm having a marvelous time with them.

one of my favorite things about my job is that its solitary character allows plenty of time for thinking. oh, just about anything. tonight I was thinking that there are some aspects of my life that I'm very unhappy with. I went on to think about how it might be time to do something about them. you know the scene in she devil where meryl streep barges into the living room, starts throwing things (and people) around, and announces that she's taking control of her life?

yeah. that's so me. I just hope I have the nerve and the willpower.

you know, I feel sorry for simon rex. so the guy did some porn. so did sylvester stallone, and people seem to have forgiven HIM for it. let it go already!

besides, simon rex's porn was so much better.

I got a leetle raise at work. our annual "cost of living increase." lemme tell you, if it was based on the true increase in cost of living--gas prices being my major concern--it would be a bit more, methinks.

remember how I was saying how odd it is hearing from high school peeps on myspace? you know what's even weirder? seeing a friend that you haven't heard from in seven years (who is slightly younger than you) and finding that she's married with a four year old son.

and I notice a few more gray hairs...!

saw aimee mann tonight! for once I didn't have to travel to carrboro for a show, since she played in dana auditorium at guilford. a great performance. even justin--who hadn't heard of her before a couple of weeks ago--was very impressed. it's so rare that I go to shows now. it makes me regret what a comparatively small part of my life music has become. three years ago the artists that I liked played such a major role in defining who I felt I was. I really need to work on re-broadening my horizons.

bought an elliptical machine to replace the aged (pronounce that "age-ed") stationary bike. helluva workout, totally digging the endorphin rush. I'm determined to get in the best shape possible by august 5th. that's the start of nc's tax free weekend, and I'm headed to the outlets for some new clothes.

more of today's films need to include an "old dowager" character. so many american films made pre-1940 had them: a stout middle aged lady in fox furs, usually someone's rich aunt, who speaks in an impossibly high and nasal falsetto and looks at people through a lorgnette. usually a jeweled broach is found somewhere on her person. superb comic relief. I miss old dowagers.

speaking of films, ever seen the big chill? all these old college friends get together for a pal's funeral. most of them haven't seen each other in years. the viewer gets to watch them get reacquainted and reconcile what they have become with what they used to be. their experience is surreal--the kids that all these adults are expecting to see have changed just enough to be unsettling. suddenly they have careers, morals, vices...character.

that's what talking to old high school friends on myspace is like. who the hell ARE these people?

"jimmy crack corn and I don't care?" well, guess what? I don't care either.

no matter how long I live, I already know what my life's greatest regret is going to be: that I never met kurt vonnegut. oh, he's still alive and kicking at 85. but even if the man has twenty or more years of life left--which at this point seems quite possible--what are the chances that our paths will converge? not that I'd have any idea what to say to him. but I'll always regret never having the chance to say it.

independence day is nigh! so nice of north carolina to permit the sale of fireworks...if by fireworks you mean sparklers and fizzy fountain things. as if not having independent liquor stores didn't make this state fascist enough!

I don't have any transvestitic (is that a word? it is now) urges, but I can't help but be a little jealous of the socially acceptable right of ladies to wear elaborate hats. specifically I speak of african-american women's "church hats." church hats are the bomb.

when I take over the world, persons in both marriages and civil unions (and possibly domestic partnerships, under the right circumstances) will have the opportunity to legally punish cheating partners. if evidence can be provided that infidelity did indeed take place, then the cuckold will have the option to command that the adulterer's genitalia be surgically removed. with anesthetic--I'm not THAT sadistic.

I'm also going to put a stop to the abhorrent practice of men wearing their shirt collars flipped up. that might be more important, really.

if I ever have a baby I'm going to give it a stuffed toy. specifically a stuffed dingo. wouldn't that be hilarious? to give a baby a stuffed dingo? I think so. and look, they actually make them!

first batch of the cancun photos are online. as soon as I get copies of my parents' pics they'll be added. I've also expanded the "willow" gallery to include all kinds of family animals.

it was bound to happen sooner or later:

http://www.myspace.com/leftwingrobinhood

go ahead, make me feel loved.

well, made it back from cancun safe and sound, if sunburned. beautiful, as expected. not a lot of changes since last visit, although I was shocked at how many resorts are still closed from katrina damage--maybe as many as a third, I'd say. it's surreal to see all the enormous luxury hotels standing empty with windows broken out and scaffolding surrounding them. cancun seems to have become less of an exclusively american destination, as well. awful lot of scotsmen and russians, to say nothing of canadians.

we went to isla mujeres on tuesday, where justin played with dolphins and I went with dad on a submarine tour of the reef (mom just chilled and watched iguanas). on wednesday we tromped around the mayan ruins of tulum and then went to xel-ha, which is by far the greatest thing I've ever done there. it's a waterpark, but all of the bodies of water are natural, so instead of tubing in big cement rivers you get to do it in REAL ones. we snorkeled down the big river twice, gawking at all the gorgeous tropical fish. there are even a couple of cliffs where you can jump off into deep water, which justin did. we also swam through a cave and various other things. it was amazing. the rest of our time was spent lazing by the pool and beach, taking full advantage of the unlimited booze.

the first batch of boring vacation pictures will be online late today/sometime tomorrow. in the meantime, enjoy these cancun travel tips (having been all of twice now, I'm an expert):

1) most places accept both dollars and pesos, but check out the exchange rate before you go. there's a good chance that using american currency will get you ripped off. best to change it over.
2) keep plenty of small currency on hand for tips. tipping is a BIG deal.
3) everyone fully expects you to stay drunk off your ass, so go for it. but you're also expected to be respectful. obnoxious drunks are unpopular worldwide.
4) speaking of drinking, all inclusive hotels are great for a lot of reasons, all you can drink liquor not the least of them. but resort bartenders' knowledge and supplies only stretch so far. stick to basic mixtures (rum and coke, screwdrivers, etc) and the better known blended ones (margaritas, daiquiris, etc). if you want something different, just ask the bartender for "a blue one" or "something green." seriously, you'll hear tons of folks doing it.
5) unless you're fluent in spanish, stick to english. in the hotel zone nearly everyone speaks it, and trying to use spanish if you're iffy will get you in over your head conversation-wise.
6) at the resorts the employees know you're a tourist. they will be anxious to give you all the info you need on where you're going and how to get there. so DON'T leave the hotel until you feel confident that you know what you're doing. triple check everything first to avoid getting lost and wasting time.
7) everyone smokes everywhere. just so you know.
8) if you want to do anything besides chill and shop, plan at least one day ahead. pretty much all tours and activities require reservations and payment up front (and generally getting up very early). it's not a bad idea to pick up some brochures and plan out each day of your visit as soon as you arrive.
9) if you're going to do anything like snorkeling or diving, your sunblock MUST specify "biodegradable." it will be confiscated otherwise. and for the love of all that is holy, buy it before you go. otherwise you risk paying $20+ plus for a bottle. trust me.
10) mexico has more of a rep for homophobia than the u.s. but it's actually much more common there to see straight friends dining/hanging out in same sex pairs than it is here in my part of the states, so doing the same as a gay couple ain't no thang. I wouldn't recommend that guys make out in public or wear eyeliner...but that has more to do with general good taste than precautions in a foreign country.

and it's back to the real world. blecch.

time to put a rumor to rest: according to rupert holmes himself, "timothy" was not a mule. (why does the subject of cannibalism keep coming up in this blog?)

new best thing ever: google sms. at least for the time being, some of the best things in life really are free. everyone with a cell phone needs to take advantage.

I'm sure that, in many cases, women still find themselves unfairly disadvantaged in the workplace. but let me just say that workplaces vary. there are some institutions--or at the very least departments within institutions--where a pair of knockers will let you get away with murder. I won't name names.

semi-related: my vacation reading will involve the devil wears prada. shedding my literary elitism has really given me a lot more to choose from where books are concerned.

I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this, but the nor'easter is now home to only four occupants: justin, myself, and the cats. josh has moved on to the greener pastures of owning one's own home; he and rachel now reside several miles away in a darling brick abode. suddenly our house seems absurdly large.

josh's departure has, however, enabled me to move my computer into the newly christened "office," a room that actually has a cable outlet. holy shit. having a media center pc is the greatest thing in the world. of course, that new dvd recorder is now a completely unnecessary expense. well, now I have TWO ways to say "screw you, tivo."

I hate to say it--since it's the current american average--but I really think that 36C is my favorite bra size, provided the lady isn't too tall. big enough to draw the eye, but not so big as to seem unnatural.

this time next week justin, my parents, and I will be in cancun. I wish I was as excited about the trip as everyone else. for some reason I'm just really nervous. I guess now that I don't travel as often I get the butterflies more easily. I don't think I have any reason to be concerned, though. I always say that I refuse to die until I've been to paris. which is why I'm never going to paris. immortality, baby. that's what I'm talkin about.

nerdy post:

what the hell!?!? why hasn't this been released in region 1? aargh!

I'm all about dragon*con this year. in addition to the usual star trek/buffy/and such v.i.p. guests, you will never believe who is going to be there.

adrienne barbeau.

take a minute to think about that. sit in hushed, reverent silence. now you can squeal and jump around, because you know you want to.

the lengths I would go to to meet that woman. I mean, hello? the fog? swamp thing? cannibal women in the avocado jungle of death? she's royalty! if I actually get her autograph I'll have a heart attack and die right there. if she agrees to pose for a chummy picture with me, I'll have the heart attack, die, and somehow revive myself so I can do it all again.

youtube.com has ruined my life. I am hopelessly addicted to the point that I can accomplish nothing. given that it's bound to get smacked down by copyright do-gooders eventually, though (especially since you don't even have to be a half-assed hacker like me to, ahem, save the clips for posterity), I figure why not enjoy the golden age? I've found too many wonderful things to link to here, so I've chosen one. like I always say, I do not use the term genius loosely.

this is genius.

I don't think I can ever attempt any kind of creative output again. it'll fall too short.

read this. it's funny.

sometimes I think of my life as a t.v. series. I can easily visualize its entry on imdb, complete with supporting cast members' starting and ending dates in parenthesis. and of course I'd be on jumptheshark.com, with a verbal contingency of people arguing that I'd "never jumped." I wonder what my ratings are for the week, if I'll win any emmys or even be renewed for another season.

with my general lack of creativity and joi de vivre these days, a better question is: have I been cancelled?

actually, I think I'm just in syndication. if it was good enough to keep "mama's family" going, it's good enough for me.

I still don't feel motivated to do any full reviews, but here are pseudo-haiku about my in-the-theater film experiences since last update:

thank for for smoking

exceeded high hopes
aaron eckhart, what a dilf!
p.r. looks like fun

the da vinci code

nice adaptation
a bit artsy but stunning
critics quit hatin'

(especially one triad area columnist who wasn't too hard on this one but historically pisses me off and should be banned from publishing and forced to shave off his gaudy child molester facial hair. sorry, not part of the haiku, but it should be said.)

one thing in thank you for smoking did rankle me a bit, and here's the rant to go with it. people of the world: everyone living south of the mason-dixon line does not, I repeat, NOT sound like they're from savannah. for some reason filmmakers (and most non-southerners) seem to believe that there's only one southern accent, the Deep Southern one. you have to go at least to the georgia state line to hear that, and even then you don't hear it much these days. and heaven forbid an actor try to portray someone from west virginia! russell crowe should be ashamed of himself for his intonation in a beautiful mind. however, jodi foster is forever on my a-list for sounding fairly authentic in silence of the lambs. I don't think I've heard any other actor do such a nice job.

I have a really addictive personality. so why can't I become addicted to something of use, like carrots? or savings bonds?

I finally ordered the new dvd recorder/dvr I've been drooling over for months. it comes with a FREE updating program guide and a nice interface. eat that, tivo. I just can't justify paying monthly for the privilege of digital recording.

twice now I've gone into great clips attempting to get a haircut. both times there's been one stylist working, multiple people waiting, and an estimated hour wait. what the fuck? all I know is if I don't get it trimmed soon I'm going to look totally strokes-core. and I know that look's still kinda in, but it should have been out five years ago. call me a freak, but I like my men with hair that stops short of their shoulders.

our noble president has said that he opposes the designation of english as america's national language. I refuse to believe that he would actually have an intelligent opinion like that. a better explanation, I think, is that he's such a poor english speaker himself that he'd find it too embarrassing.

this brings back memories.

sometimes ignorance really is bliss. although it happened last july, I just read that the times square ho jo's is closed and gone forever. I would have been a much happier man without ever learning that.

"total eclipse of the heart" is the best song ever. naw, I'm just kidding. actually I'm not; it really is.

I think my next car may be a saturn sky. saw one yesterday and fell completely in love.

greek festival in winston this weekend! it's all about the greek coffee, which I am unable to make myself for some reason. however, I discovered that I can make a fabulous chocolate mousse from scratch. with the help of julia child's recipe, that is.

also this weekend, if we can get in, the davinci code. yeah, I'm lame. I get it. not that I wouldn't want to go anyway, but I'll see anything audrey tautou's in. I think she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. unfortunately, so does she.

the gottis are such sedgwicks.

defined:
sedgwick (n): a celebrity without notable talent or merit who would have never risen to fame without his or her association with other well known people. named for edie sedgwick, one of andy warhol's proteges. currently prominent examples are kevin federline, bijou phillips, and--of course--paris hilton.
--from Duennas and Pocket Foxes: A Guide to the Slang of Jeremy Ball and Cohorts, copyright 2003, revised 2006.

I hate fucking know-it-alls. going around all snarky and shit, starting (and ending) pointless arguments, making everyone around them feel stupid. and whether they're right or wrong (generally they're the latter, although try getting them to admit it), rubbing it in like it's the most important thing they'll ever say, instead of just letting it go. don't they realize how boorish they are, for fuck's sake? how self-righteous and pseudo-intellectual? I hope that at least a few of them mature out of it before some concerned party strangles them. but not until someone with ACTUAL intelligence teaches them some painful lesson that they won't soon forget. there was a time when I was a bit of a know-it-all, myself. I believe it plagued me in college--funny how that seems to happen, eh? I'm glad I finally realized that it just. isn't. nice. and grew up.

sorry. I really do like most people.

apparently chows are the tastiest breed of dog. I didn't know that. it's no wonder they're so mean. I also learned that the flesh of people of african descent is more prized by cannibals than "white man's flesh," which is supposedly stringy. while on my dietary research kick, I stumbled across this article, which is morbidly fascinating. imagine someone volunteering to be killed and eaten!

my vote for best comedic film of 2006 so far: an american haunting. that thing is an mst3k episode waiting to happen. maybe mike nelson will do some fabulous dvd commentary when it comes out, heh.

highly recommended to triad readers: pj's coffee and wine bar in high point, at the palladium. don't know about the wine yet, but GREAT and cheap coffee. funky nouvelle decor adds to the fun.

this is an absurdly overgeneral statement, but I'm sick and tired of current events. in general. the more I hear, the more I feel that the apocalypse is nigh. here's how it's going to go:

irate illegal immigrants are going to congregate in the vicinity of new orleans and protest by knocking down the levees. the resultant flow of water will destroy numerous chicken coops, releasing a mutant bird flu strain. everyone will catch it and die, but only because no one will be able to afford gas to get to the hospitals. the administration will offer no response, as they will be too busy eavesdropping on the telephone conversations of married gay couples trying to get ideas on how to make the democrats look bad in time for the next election.

four words to express why there's still good left in the world: inspector gadget on dvd. and I do not mean the movie.

whenever you're thinking of giving a friend advice, think about whether you'll have to qualify it with, "I'm just telling you this as a friend." if you will, don't do it. they'll probably just get pissed off and go against your advice to spite you.

it's a shame I'm so opposed to lying. I'm awfully good at it. not to mention lyeing. I mean, if you really want to get a drain unclogged...

the 'rents came down saturday and brought my grandmother to see the house. had a great time, and no one even commented on the mounds of junk that sully pretty much every room at the moment.

can't believe dean cain is almost forty. I've never thought much about him, really, but in light of that he's certainly eligible for official DILF status.

speaking of celebs, justin and I were discussing the fabulous party we're going to throw when we become rich, famous, and happening--which should happen any day now. we're trying to decide what celebs to invite. so far, the following people MUST be present: seth macfarlane, alyson hannigan (and consequently alexis denisof), scott caan, chelsea handler, drew barrymore, andy samberg, nicholas brendon, jenny lewis, adam busch, ike barinholtz, and christina ricci. oh, and henry rollins, who may end up being the oldest partygoer at this particular bash, but whothehellcareshesfuckinghenryrollins. do offer your suggestions on the matter.

thanks to the chelsea handler show (which everyone REALLY ought to watch--it's on E!) for turning me on to the existence of this little gem of dementia.

for whatever reason, whenever I learn that a film or written work deals primarily with one of the following subjects I automatically stop wanting to see/read it: war, drug trafficking, icebergs. I know I'm missing out on a lot because of that; I'm working on it.

even after learning how the minute maid company came up with its name, I still think it's dumb.

it's about time that people started giving the wallflowers the respect they deserve. I just may have to buy all their records (already have one, so need four).

remember the tv series "father dowling mysteries?" I loved that show. similarly, remember "sister kate?" not so great; I still remember the milli vanilli episode.

dinner tonight with justin, josh, rachel, mad dog, and noel was very amusing. first time I'd seen people that I don't work and/or live with in forever. so a step in the right direction. life has become more insular, if that's possible. other than forwards and mailing list stuff, I've gotten two e-mails since my birthday. I only ever talk to my mom and justin (occasionally josh, naturally). it's like I'm back in high school. I just feel like I should be more social. and I wish that I had the time. so it goes.

latest absurd purchase: an ionic pro air purifier. will post an update on its efficacy once it's been established.

less than two months now until our week in cancun. I'm anxious to wake up every day with margaritas, lie in the sun with dacquiris, and fall asleep under the influence of fuzzy navels. I'm not an alcoholic, but when it's all inclusive you want to get your money's worth.

given that something as distant as the moon controls the tides, is it reasonable to say that extended periods of happiness and displeasure in my life are controlled by a complete stranger's hair or lack thereof? there's the most delicious boy in gso (short, muscley, that marvelously blond hair that nearly always darkens after childhood) whom I first noticed several years ago as a coffeehouse regular when he had long hair (and no beard). "what a shame," I thought, "with biceps like those and a bum like that to spoil the package with that icky hair!"

some months later I saw him working at teeter--short hair. mmm. nice. life was good. then he grew this dreadful beard, spoiling everything again. thus began the winter of my discontent. few men should have full beards. only my dad and jonathan frakes, I think. but I kept my eye on him in vain hope.

then last week, when I stopped in for some groceries. new haircut. clean shaven. I was elated, I tell you. my buoyant mood has persisted. which leads me to wonder about a subconscious connection.

in a similar vein, I have to say it: nick lachey is hot. now I have to go and hang myself for the shame of admitting it. anybody got some rope?

there's just no getting around it. dan brown is a damn good author. I read deception point and didn't really care for it, but the da vinci code turned me around. now I'm reading angels and demons, also great. that said, he makes some awfully bubbleheaded errors in his books. in the da vinci code, it is made very clear that the two main characters are riding in a taxi that is a stick shift. then, mention is made of putting the cab in "park." now, in angels and demons, I find numerous references to cell phones having dial tones--not ringtones, dial tones. having owned a cell phone in 2001, I can call that an error with some certainty. I don't know who to blame more, brown or his editor.

if john mayer ever has kids, they'll never have trouble falling asleep. can you imagine john mayer singing you a lullaby? my grown up eyes get heavy just thinking about it, and I mean that as a compliment.

going to wv for Easter this weekend. no special plans, just the usual. I always look forward to visiting my family, but I get frustrated with how bluefield limits the usual weekend possibilities. I just know that I'm going to want cook out burgers, tate street coffee, and barnes and noble browsing as soon as I hit the city limits.

I know I'm 12+ months late on this, but it's such an outrage to me that anyone should steal "the scream" (the munch painting). if I had to list the five works of art that, to me personally, must never be lost, it would be on there. and no one seems to be making a big enough deal about it to suit me. I'll bet the precious mona lisa would command a bit more attention.

on tv, people are forever taking their significant others to quiet, dignified restaurants to break up with them "so they won't make a scene." that's really wonky to me. hello? break it off in private--house, car, etcetera--then what does it matter? the more expensive the venue the more of a scene I'd feel obliged to make, myself.

apparently whenever something on a film set didn't go to greta garbo's liking, she threatened to go back to sweden. she got her way every time. that's so awesome. whenever something doesn't go my way from now on, I'm threatening to go back to sweden. that'll show em.

slim mints are a very effective diet aid. but not if you ever want to sleep again. I'm afraid that I may have to give them up in favor of getting back to my coveted eight hours per night.

best place to be in the 1920s: sitting around the algonquin round table. worst place to be: not sitting around the algonquin round table but on the shit list of someone who was.

I forgot to mention how much neat stuff I found when I cleaned off the bed in the front bedroom so the carpet cleaning folks wouldn't have so much to work around. most of what was piled on it has been there since we've moved in, I've been so loathe to sort through it. it included:

--cameras: one 35mm, one digital, and one mini dv video camera
--a stuffed alligator named starla
--many pieces of clothing, including two cashmere sweaters valued at approximately $380
--dvds and cds beyond counting
--a magic 8 ball
--an hp deskjet color printer
--a megaphone
--an overnight bag
--last year's tax return
--my graduation mortarboard

...and ever so much more.

sorry for the long silence. I've been spending most of my computer related time transferring all my crap from the old machine to the new one, an ongoing project.

I took a couple of well deserved days off last week, sleeping and eating too much. since the end of the quarter had passed I was hoping to return to a quieter, less strained office. wrong. I'm working more now than ever, over two hours of overtime tonight alone. I'm taking bets on when I finally just crack.

many thanks to charles for sending me his xanga link to add to my list on the left. he's a fabulous, witty, unique, and--dare I say it?--devastatingly handsome man who deserves to be much read.

I'm sure I have a lot more to say, but my brain is done for the night. I sit here, asking it to cook up witty repartee, and it's all, "uh uh. nope, I'm tired. get back to ya." so to bed.

oh, joy. oh, rapture. the glory that is a new computer. my old one just wasn't cutting it. full hard drive, and I could go downstairs and make a grilled cheese in the time it took to open firefox. I am now the adoring owner of a sony vaio vgc-ra840g. pentium d dual core processor (water cooled, no less), 250 gb hard drive (if I fill THAT up I've got issues), dvd burner, tv tuner, wireless everything, and way too many speakers. many other features I really don't need.

now, the ra840g hasn't been made for a couple of months--having been replaced with an almost identical model with a different name--but its technology is still top notch. compusa had exactly one left, the display. they knocked the price down and threw in two full years of on site service. the upshot? I got a $1400 computer for $880 today.

james was in town today, as was carl willis. great dinner out at tripp's. I forgot how much fun it can be talking to people that I don't live with! not that they aren't fun, but you know.

chemdry came today and freshened up the bedroom carpet. on thursday we had the repair guy in to remedy the thumping washing machine (courtesy of windsor, no charge to us--everything in the nor'easter is under warranty for one year). next goal, landscaping. we be gettin shit done up in this piece!

man, everything in this post is so exciting. to me, anyway. I'll stop boring all y'all for the time being. happy weekend!

I love knowing that there are people in the world crazier than I am. if I actually got vh1 classic, I'd watch the whole hour.

the imminent rise of wal-mart where the mighty carolina circle mall hath fallen is something that I've mentioned here before. since certain people-who-must-not-be-named refused to accompany me on a mission inside the derelict xanadu, here are some fabulous pictures from someone who did venture in. I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with the whole carolina circle affair, but there's a 19 page long thread on urbanplanet.org built up by others who are as well.

now that the sequel is forthcoming, I finally took it upon myself to watch basic instinct this weekend. y'know, that's a pretty damn good movie. and I don't even care about sharon stone's vagina.

justin and I received a $1200 check from wells fargo yesterday. they overestimated our escrow costs and are refunding us the excess money, as well as lowering our house payment permanently by $80 a month. talk about a nice surprise.

thanks be to josh for turning me onto the clientele. such a wonderful band. they're the musical equivalent of a slow, introspective walk through the streets of a small town on an autumn day, the scent of fallen leaves wafting up from your feet.

sorry, that was positively revolting. but they are.

by the way: if you're reading this and personally know me even the teeniest bit and have a blog/journal of your own, do me a favor and send me the link--provided that you don't mind if I link to you. I need to update my left side linkage. those of you over there who don't keep your posts up to date, shame on you. those of you who DO, thanks to you all. you help me remember when I had a social life.

no. NO. enn-ohh NO. absolutely not.

tell me this isn't off kilter. as most of y'all know, isaac hayes is the voice of chef on south park. and of course, south park viciously skewers every societal concept under the sun--I say this with the utmost respect. religion is no exception. over the seasons Jews, Christians, Mormons, etcetera have all been lampooned to the point of even making me blush.

but let the show make fun of scientologists--scientologists--and isaac hayes announces that he's walking.

so much for chef.

on the lighter side, I seem to be doing okay:

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7
Mind:	5.9
Body:	6.1
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	9.2
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

more reasons why I'm a disturbed human being:

watching fatal attraction today, I found myself feeling more sympathy for glenn close than michael douglas.

I find websites like this compelling.

I think that socialized medicine is really a fantastic idea...oh, wait. that just makes me normal and sensible. strike this one.

[warning: this implicates other people] just before writing this, I was talking with ali about carl buddig lunch meat. we'd been talking about carl buddig lunch meat for quite some time. the only reason we stopped talking about carl buddig lunch meat was that my phone's battery died.

when I was a kid, I used to call shopping malls around the country and ask for paper directories. they mailed them. I collected them. I had dozens.

I get a little too excited about kitchen utensils. man, there's this honkin pizza cutter at tuesday morning that I want so bad...

ground fog gets me hot.

driving around town, I sometimes feel the urge to stop, get out, and just walk around. just because I'm passing by parts of the earth that I may never touch otherwise.

I really want to go to the cn tower in toronto, lie on the glass observation floor (1,122 feet above ground) and look down. reason this is disturbing: I'm afraid of heights.

I spend what little free time I have making blog posts like this.

lovely!

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

classic quote (not sure from whom, just read it online somewheres): coming out of the closet is way too much like going through the wardrobe. it's always winter, never Christmas, and I just know there's an EVIL queen lurking about!

I'm really looking forward to the oscars, though I've only seen one of the big five. I missed most of them last year due to a fight with justin, although neither of us can remember what it was about. here's hoping history doesn't repeat itself, although I'm certainly not planning any altercations.

speaking of justin, after getting tired of my complaints about not having enough pics of him, he deemed two more photos suitable for thousand words, so they're in his gallery. I have some great ones of his cat as well (a.k.a. "black willow"), and will add them soon.

and speaking of movies, I know that everyone in the free world is going to blast me for this one...date movie = hilarious. juvenile and tasteless, but hilarious. it also reinforces my belief that alyson hannigan is a goddess. I want to give birth to her children.

of course, if we're talking buffy cast members, nicholas brendon wins out.

I can understand david boreanaz, but drooling over james marsters is just weird.

and I'm a dork. signing off.

saying that something is as easy as taking candy from a baby is awful. unless said baby is choking, why would you take candy from it? there are some sick fucking people in the world.

speaking of sick, I've been there. coughing my fool head off for a week, but I'm finally starting to mend.

(for want of anything better to say at the moment, some pretentious indie babble. so stop reading here if you don't care about music, you damn heathen)

the verdict is in on the life pursuit. this is a remarkable album. it comes across as a synthesis of all that they've accomplished thus far. the elements of kitsch and whimsy evident on dear catastrophe waitress are all here, combined with the introspective lyrical aspects of the band's earlier work. overall the sound is light and peppy, but don't be fooled: there's depth, and then some. it isn't my favorite record of theirs (will tigermilk ever really be trumped?), but it's a gem.

however, it's even easier to gush about rabbit fur coat, from jenny lewis (of rilo kiley) and the watson twins. have mercy. each rilo kiley record has had echos of a vintage country sound, one that lewis' voice is well suited to. rabbit fur coat is positively steeped in the kind of c & w that would make patsy cline feel proud. it sounds like ole jenny is finally doing what she's always wanted. the production is so clear and sharp she could be singing just over my shoulder. on rilo kiley albums (though I love em all) I've noticed that she tends to strain her vocals sometimes, making what could be sweet notes sound forced and harsh. here, she's consistently melodious and natural. stock up on kleenex, get a six pack of your fave american beer, and settle in with this one.

celebrated valentine's day this weekend. dinner at leblon. ever been to a brazilian steakhouse? if you like the idea of continuous meat, it's a good thing.

finally got around to getting the new belle & sebastian, the life pursuit, today. the damn thing's been out since tuesday--I'm slacking off! I'm withholding opinion on it, though, until I've given it 10-15 listens.

famous vocalists should dress in disguise, go to really lame karaoke contests, and sing their own songs. I'd do it. but then, my sense of humor is such that I'd really WANT to lose.

in this month's issue of cargo, monsieur jeremy piven. a sliver of chest is visible, and there is definitely some hair regrowth. maybe there's still hope. I know I'm always getting on my high horse about this, but any guy who routinely waxes his chest/stomach region may as well just cut his balls off, in my opinion. you're a man. take pride in what your testosterone has wrought!

that said, anything on the back and shoulders is negotiable. by all means, nair away.

for years I've been wanting to try jamaican blue mountain coffee. y'know, the stuff that's generally $30+ per pound? I bought a teeeeensy bag today at fresh market and brewed a bit. mmm. I think I understand the appeal, even if my wallet may never quite grasp it.

the quarter life crisis has hit. I really need to put some spice into my life. this drudging through the humdrum week for the promise of a cookie cutter weekend is wearing thin (of course, the time spent with justin makes every weekend worthwhile, but you know). I have little time for hobbies, same problem for extended learning, and I already have a sports car. so far the best I can come up with is taking an online course in esperanto. which, all things considered, is a pretty badass idea.

uck. so many waking hours spent at the office lately. more work equals more money, but sanity can't be bought. I need a rest.

the birthday was good. got the big present from my parents: a chest freezer. am I domestic or what? now when mayfield birthday cake ice cream is buy one get one free I can stock up and get even fatter!

at some point in life I want to become a figurehead of some positive group or organization. figureheads really have it made. all the perks, all the visibility, none of the legwork. it seems like a pretty decent gig.

I have an idea for a new hobby. I'm going to buy a bicycle and equip it with a wire basket and a bell. I'm going to take it to downtown gso around 5:00 and look for pedestrians who seem to be in a hurry. I will then proceed to ride around them in circles ringing my bell and impeding their progress as much as possible. I think it would be good clean fun.

okay, time to clear something up. many of you have heard the rumors of colin farrell's...natural endowments. and of course, there was the whole sex tape leakage that his attorneys managed to get tightly under control. well, almost. let's just say that the file still lurks in some seedy back alleys of the information superhighway.

personally, I call him a "high average." but if most people regard him as humongous, my self esteem should really be a lot higher than it is.

sorry about the period of silence. the past couple of weeks have been very emotional and difficult. I won't get into specifics here; besides, with biological depression compounding everything as usual, anything I could take the time to mention would just be the tip of one big mysterious iceberg. and it's so much easier for me to put a happy face on things in person. when I write I can unwittingly wax overdramatic, hence the not writing. suffice it to say that I'm feeling much more stable, back to being just as happy as a pig in...um, pig heaven or something.

since my e-hiatus was also a break from non-line writing, the brokeback mountain review has yet to see the pixeled page. will it? I'm not sure. for one thing, a lot of the really strong insights I wanted to get down went poof. for another, I'm not sure if I really want to revive petrified fountain or just let it continue to moulder. when I started it up it was so much fun, but at that time I was at a very different place in life. it was so much more...relevant. now doing full length movie reviews just seems like incredibly snooty intellectual masturbation. as opposed to the downmarket anti-intellectual masturbation I do with this blog. we'll see.

birthday's on sunday. hopefully the parents will be able to make it down. as those of you familiar with my policy on aging may be aware, I have only one more birthday for the next thirteen years. I will stop at 26, since to me 27 sounds much too close to 30. I will stay at 26 until I am 39, then rethink my numeric options.

tell you what, though. I'm afraid that within the next year I'm going to have to start dyeing my hair, seriously. the premature threads of gray have been much noticed. and that's not paranoia talking, that's PEOPLE talking, saying to my face, "look! gray hair!" I can understand the distinguished gray thing, but I think that only works post 40. until then it's all about the grecian formula.

anyone catch peter sarsgaard on snl last night? woof. move over aloysius--I think I've found a new teddy bear.

I am really getting perverted in my old age.

I hate these sleepless weekend nights. it's impossible to totally reset my internal clock for normal hours for two days a week, so I always end up slipping out of bed and footling about the house. poor justin, sleeping alone. dreaming of me? perhaps. I dream of justin sometimes. in my subconscious he's exactly the same--face, body, voice. because when you find someone who is so completely perfect for you, it's ridiculous to idealize them in dreams. he's turned my life--every waking and sleeping hour--into the greatest dream I've ever had.

I guess I'd better go and get a late night snack before you, Constant Reader, start to throw up.

back with more soon, but for now just one REALLY important announcement:

after nearly twenty four years of periodic exposure, I've concluded that "harper valley p.t.a." (the original jeannie c. riley version) is the greatest song ever. feel free to argue against that, but I should go ahead and tell you that you'll be wrong.

one more thing and then I'm REALLY going to bed.

a dear friend and I were discussing honorary doctorates the other day.

this just in: yahoo serious has one.

I've been waiting my entire adult life for more people to agree with this:

You scored as The all-round cute gay guy. YOu are a cute guy who many would die to be with..........lucky!! Straight Acting 90% The all-round cute gay guy 90% A Big Bear 70% Raging Queer 30% Straight Queer Basher 30% Straight 10% S + M guy 0% What type of Gay are YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

a few things about altitude:
I'd love to slide down a fire pole someday.
little known fact: I'm afraid of heights indoors (i.e. looking down from the third story in four seasons town center) but generally not outoors.
for some odd reason, I think it's kinda sexy when people in movies/tv shows scale chain link fences.

a promise to loyal (and disloyal) readers: petrified fountain will unfreeze later this week. expect a full review of brokeback mountain, which I saw earlier this evening. will post a link when it's complete.

justin is the greatest guy in the world. I just needed to get that out there, once again.

a phrase that I dislike: "I've never seen that person before in my life." oh, please. you do not know that. unless you yourself are a shut in, or unless the "person" in question resembles the elephant man. there's always a chance that any random human being you see in public may have crossed into your field of vision before.

I've become unhealthily obsessed with my bread machine--a Christmas present from rhonda (justin's mom). never again will there not be a fresh loaf in the nor'easter.

another appliance acquisition: a philips senseo one cup coffeemaker. wow, what a boon to humanity. I love it dearly.

I've been waiting almost two years for this to happen again.

I wrote a complete 5000 word short story tonight. just me at the keys for almost five hours, never stopping for more than a few seconds. and it felt fucking fantastic. the merits of the story are debatable, but the experience of writing for hours on end is such an amazing rush, one that I wish that I could have more often. I crave it like a drug.

and I'm spent.

I am so sick of societally constructed notions of what is and isn't sexy.

I love it when I get to the end of a book (or open it at the beginning) and find a section detailing what font the text is in. one that I was reading recently was actually more of a glowing review, saying, "goudy himself described this font as..." love that.

new year's resolutions that I won't keep:

lose 10+ lbs
exercise at least 2-3 times per week
take better care of teeth
save at least $50 per week
pay more on credit cards
start christmas shopping before t-giving and finish by weekend before
dress like I actually give a crap
don't see hitch (there's really no danger of that happening, but I want it publicly known)

wow. just when you think you're wise to the ways of the world, you find out that brothels have websites (careful--they's boobs on this website, tee hee. be sure to check out "the menu!).

sorry. when I'm in wv the urge to waste time can get a little out of hand.

by the way, I uploaded a few more pictures of willow. these are more recent. sorry the banister ones are a bit blurry, but it's hard to get a cat to stay still for a camera at times.

have you ever turned on the t.v. thinking "there's nothing good on," yet somehow the best thing that could POSSIBLY be on is? it's one of the greatest feelings ever.

thanks, amc, for showing desk set this morning. even though I own it on dvd and have probably watched it 20+ times, somehow it was just perfect today. everyone who likes romantic comedies should see it. everyone who doesn't like romantic comedies should see it. if you think that the phrase "mexican avenue bus" is amusing, you should see it. in short, if for some unearthly reason you haven't, see desk set.

next post will probably be post-Christmas. that said, happy holidays everyone!!!

you know, it's awful to say, but sometimes crazy people are just funny.

I've decided that I don't like stomach tattoos--not of anything, not on anyone. it smacks of white trash to me. or, I suppose, "black trash" as the case may be.

I hate it when rings (the kind worn on one's finger) get water behind them and make funny noises.

I worry way too much about finding glass in my food. it's not normal. it probably stems from an early childhood incident of staple-in-the-hot-fudge-cake at shoney's. no, seriously, it happened.

speaking of food, ever added smoked salmon to alfredo sauce? it's gooood.

the last few days have been emotionally polar ones. a friend of mine is moving to alaska, which is a sad thing indeed. no one that I could label "a good friend," but someone that I truly wish I'd spent more time with. and he's moving to alaska. a bold move by any standards, one that makes me think about all the chances I haven't taken. studying law out west. studying film up north. all the adventures I passed up on. even thinking back on my life a few years ago--going to shows, partying on weekends (or during the week), learning...anything. I used to be alive, dammit!

not that I have anything to legitimately complain about. I don't regret any of the choices I've made, because they've provided a means to the fulfilled, comfortable life that I lead now. I guess what I'm wondering is...is this it? am I done? an actualized life at the ripe old age of twenty-four? no more adventures, no more prospects? I just don't know if I'm ready to accept that.

there's this mental image that always pops up when I ask myself, "who do you wish you were?" I see myself in greenwich village, union square I think. it's a fall day, cool and breezy (of course it's usually breezy in manhattan). I'm wearing a tweed jacket over a sweater and jeans. I'm holding a 35 mm movie camera. I look up, I smile, and I revel in all the life around me, wanting to take it all in, to capture it.

this from the guy who is too lackadaisical to even take up cinematography as a hobby.

on a completely different note, is it too much to ask that a supermarket carry peanut butter cookies? harris teeter at friendly center doesn't, unless they're well hidden. no major brands, none in the deli, no bake your own (except ones that have reese's pieces). grr.

well, it's turning out to be the best weekend ever. all my doubts about the lion, the witch and the wardrobe were laid to rest. it's an amazing film--beautifully shot, superbly acted, and astoundly true to the book. and I have a reallllllly big celebrity crush on william moseley (peter), the marvelously lame sort of crush that is usually peculiar to 13-15 year old girls. in fact, since I never inline images anymore and should get back in the habit:











I mean, come on!

how can you not find that adorable?














speaking of habits, my talk here has been unhealthily guy focused of late. I should really mention ladies more...so how bout that miss hathaway? pretty bodacious, huh?

trip to winston tomorrow to complete (???) Christmas shopping. money's not my main holiday obstacle this year--it's creativity, or lack thereof. you know what I like? when people I know just say, "get me _______." that is music to my ears. failure to have done so this year may just mean a gift card, people. and I'm also weary of this "oh, you don't have to get me anything" crap. OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE TO GET YOU ANYTHING! I could be a selfish bastard and spend all my money on myself, but I'm a damn nice person, dammit! if I had some idea of what to buy you, it would be bought and paid for! I'm asking for your help, here! HELP ME ALREADY!!!

aah, much better.

y'know, MILF is a fun acronym to throw around. but the ripoff, DILF, just lacks dignity somehow. I wish that someone would come up with something else, but the best I can do is Dad I'd Like to DO. DILDO. that's just no good.

that said, I think that MILFs and DILFs differ in more ways that just sex. MILF can be applied to pretty much any attractive woman who is in her mid-thirties or older. but in my opinion, DILFs are different. the same age requirement applies, but by my definition a DILF isn't a guy that I would necessarily consider conventionally "hot."

in establishing whether a man fits the mold, I picture myself at 13 or 14 being invited to a sleepover at a friend's house. guy in question is friend's dad, and as such exudes a fatherly air of maturity and protectiveness rather than the raw sexuality of, say, an a & f model. a boy-next-door turned suburban commuter. of course I'm going to this friend's house because I enjoy his/her company...but there's also the chance of seeing his/her dad walk around the house shirtless. if I can imagine the guy in that scenario, he's a good candidate for DILF-hood. and there really aren't all that many.

some of my celebrity DILFs (go ahead and laugh; I already know my taste is weird):

jason bateman (easily #1)
tim robbins (fading fast, but still got it for now)
brian krause (of charmed fame)
scott bakula (a timeless classic, in my opinion)
kevin spacey (the dimples give him an edge)
julian mcmahon (um...actually I think he's #1. sorry jason)
mike nelson (shut up, he is SO)
adam baldwin (without the lame facial hair he's cultivated of late)

john cusack and alec baldwin were both close, but they've started to look a little too old and a lot too chunky, respectively.

do let me know who should be granted the coveted DILF status in your opinions.

and if anyone knows why I devote my precious time to silly posts like this, let me know about that as well.

like the harry potter series, I put it off as long as possible. but in a similar fashion, I'm ashamed to say that I finally got sucked in.

the da vinci code. quick snickering and just read the damned thing. seriously.

this weekend I must see the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. I'm sure that most of y'all are aware of my narnia obsession. as such, this weekend will either rule beyond comparison or suck most righteously, depending on how much justice is done to the book. furthermore, I know I risk the wrath of at least 50% of other narnian fanatics by saying this, but I truly believe that the magician's nephew should have been made first. this website offers a number of theories on the matter of reading order that I hadn't considered.

ocelots are from africa. so why is has one been spotted running around fisher park? that's just weird.

on a completely unrelated note: after existing for about two years now, my street can finally be located on mapquest. huzzah! my house exists after all!

the wedding was very pretty. and you gotta love a reception that offers both italian food and unlimited wine.

speaking of beverages, ginger ale is a very underrated one. if you're reading this and like it at all, go buy some.

message for the g.p.d.: stop hanging around outside central library! when I have books to return it's so much easier to park in the bus loading zone with my flashers on and run them inside (audio books can't be returned outside at that branch, why I dunno), but I'm not going to try that with cops around. so I have to find a space in the parking deck, turning a 60 second task into 4-5 minutes. that's just not okay. I'm fine with enforcing laws and all that bushwah, but not at the expense of my personal conveniences.

happy thanksgiving, all. posting live from the mountains of wv, where everyone is still basking in yesterday's festivities. got up at the crack of dawn (10 a.m., which IS the crack of dawn if you have to work until 5:00) and drove to justin's family in mount airy for lunch, then here for dinner.

my sister is getting married in about an hour and a half. I love having an excuse to wear a suit, but I'm glad it's not a daily necessity. of course laura's in town for the event with HER new fiance, travis, whom everyone likes very much. all these people getting married! it's enough to make you want to barf, really.

I promised myself I wouldn't mention the new harry potter film until I put together a full post about it, but I'll go ahead and say that it is great. and I do plan to do a full review for the first time in a year--I'll try and get to that within a few days. sunday justin and I are taking rachel to the imax theater in raleigh to see it on the big (read: five story) screen. that should be pretty amazing.

time to start getting ready for the big event! let's just hope I can still fit into my suit. hmm, maybe I should have checked on that before...

y'know, I'm actually feeling ready for Christmas this year. not that I've gotten all my shopping done--not even close--I just don't feel that the preparations have started too soon. however, that said, I do NOT think that radio stations should play holiday music literally around the clock. I'm a notorious station surfer; my drive to work is a constant cycle between five frequencies. switch over to all Christmas/all the time and you diminish my available stations by one. hear that, preset button number three? cut it out already!

I dreamed last night that I was a character in a television drama about college life. nostalgia much?

naturally I'm going to see the new harry potter flick this weekend. I'm trying to go into it without too many preconceived notions. still, after number three I'm wary.

work news: the head of my department left the other night. no notice, nothin. just out the door she went during the middle of the work "day." quite dramatic. we're all sad to see her go. apparently some tension with upper management just escalated a bit too far. being in the trenches I wouldn't really know, m'self.

thirrrrrrrsty. must go drink gallon of tea or like substance.

lame quiz results time!


You're Fred!


Which Angel character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Toonces!


Which SNL Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Stewie


Which Family Guy Character Are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I would never want to be known as an alcoholic, but being referred to as a "dipsomaniac" would be pretty sweet. so many beautiful words fallen into disuse!

Christmas is coming up, folks. shortly after that, the birthday arriveth. need gift ideas? here's all you need, the oft updated wish list. go buy me stuff. after all, I've only got two birthday's left for a while. like I've always said, I'm stopping at 26. 27 just sounds too close to 30, so I'm going to be 26 until I'm at least 38, at which time I'll actually turn 38 and stay there until I'm 50. after that I'll just wing it. the way I see it, as long as I stay away from sun and cigs and moisturize religiously, I've got the bone structure to grow ancient quite gracefully. if I have to dip into the grecian formula, so be it. but I refuse to go bald. eh, why worry? often hair loss is caused by an excess of testosterone. let's see..."jeremy has an excess of tes...t..test..." I can't even finish typing it without giggling.

speaking of appearance, I've been on the diet train and have lost roughly ten pounds. five more and I treat myself to a new outfit. ten after that, I kill myself because life will never get any better. actually I'll probably just put all back on and them some when I scream, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE," fill an IV drip with olive oil, and spike myself the hell up while chowing down on loaves of french bread and wheels of mozzarella.