ah, weekends at last have some meaning. it's mighty peculiar not to be heading off to work, although I'm shortly heading off to winston to make a last ditch effort to see all the real girls at the stevens center with james. viva el triad.

although, speaking of work--and I'm sure this will pass in time--I'm enjoying my job a lot more than I feel is appropriate. I tell myself, "dammit, you're a freakin billing entry clerk," but honestly, I can't help liking my work! everyone I work with is so nice, and for some reason the billing itself is kind of addictive. scott is auditing our work; I got my audit last night. he says I'm doing a great job, and I'm getting my stuff done faster than any other trainee save one--and she's been doing billing for nine years. so all's well at h.q.

know what's really good? the frozen california pizza kitchen pizzas. I had a bbq chicken one tonight. mmm. good stuff.

eric mentioned a possible party soon (actually, given his boston accent, it will be a paaaty), to which I am invited. mmm. good stuff.

I think that I should use the lawn in front of 4109 to set up a maypole. then I'd like to have all my friends dress in white linen and come dance around it while fiddlers play on the lanai. I'm feeling very feudal lately.

also, is there some kind of mental illness that compels one to listen to the spin doctors? because I think I've caught it, and it's not pretty.

just a brief jaunt online before heading off to h.q. work is good. there's a lot to learn--I actually had dreams about p.o. numbers and consignees last night--but once I get the hang of it I think I'll quite like it. I even get a cubicle; it's very office space-core. scott, my supervisor, is a real nice fella but seems to fancy himself a stand-up comic. not a very good one, alas. one guy I'm training with, eric, is a pleasure to gaze upon. gay?...maybe. probably not, but could be. a few blips.

carra actually talked me into watching an episode of buffy with her last night. what will I sink to next.

josh is coming tomorrow for dinner...I think?

gotta run to get coffee and victuals so I can stay peppy and cute this evening.

yawn. I be all tired and shit. picked gabe up at the airport around two. we hung out at both 4109 and tate street before picking up james and heading over to super buffet. took them by h.q. (old dominion freight lines' international headquarters, that is) on the way back. we went to see man on the train at the carousel. s'ok; it didn't blow me away, but there was some great cinematography and it held my attention well. gabe is now snoozing on the sofa, resting up for his 1 p.m. departure on the morrow. it's been a nice little visit.

carra is on some serious pain medication. I literally haven't seen her all day. once in a while I hear a little bustling from her room, though, so she's at least alive.

first day of work is tomorrow. well, first day of training anyway. adios, bumdom! I'm sure I'll be pining for it within a few days.

random plunge into introspection--ever look at your life, feel that everything's pretty satisfactory, pretty much in place, then think: "something's missing?"

me too. wonder what?

I hope that indep day treated everyone kindly. carra and I had ourselves a nice lil beach blast at wrightsville. leaving at the ass-crack of dawn paid off; we got the last empty space in my preferred parking lot and spend the rest of the day answering "nope, sorry" to the many "are you leaving"s we got from anxious sunbirds. the rays did a number on carra, though, as she's laid up with yet another nasty burn.

lemme tell y'all, though: I've never seen so many half-unclad beautiful people in one place. I drove carra nuts by oohing and aahing over all the eye candy. poor us; we're trying so hard to understand each other's taste in the opposite...I mean preferred...okay, taste in men. not to sound shallow, but when my brain/hormones are scoping out a sexual partner, personality, intelligence, etcetera don't enter into it. if I wanted to discuss tolstoy, I'd be hanging around the library. after all, sex basically just amounts to people giving each other physical pleasure. it shouldn't be equated with friendship or intellectual compatibility, least of all love. separation of sex and emotion may seem callous, but they are only intertwined due to societal constructs. if that makes me a neanderthal, give me a friggin cave (and ixnay on the west virginia/cave house jokes).

james talked me into renting my favorite year tonight. great, great flick, kind of soapdish meets the dick van dyke show. and with more of a feel-good factor than anything I've seen since amelie.

I've had it up to here (envision hand held above head) with caterpillars. absolute swarms of them have taken to loitering outside my front door. I kid you not; we're talking hundreds. I finally sprayed the bastards tonight. if they keep showing up, I'm marching into the leasing office and throwing around the word "exterminator" until someone gets me one. no longer will walking up to my door cause nauseating crunching sounds.

if I'm ever even remotely famous, I'm going to be arrested for cavorting naked in a fountain in some major city, preferably nyc or rome. hell, I might do it even if I'm not famous. it's just such a devil-may-care, classic way of getting thrown in jail.

my beloved cedric is a fine auto indeed, but I'm ever so dismayed by his gas mileage. well, that's the price you pay for being able to blow the doors off mustangs at traffic lights. er, not that I've tried.

as late as it is, I've got housecleaning to do. gabe is coming into town tomorrow, probably around two, and damn do I have my work cut out for me. by the way, if anyone from the board of health asks for my address, tell them you've never heard of me. at least for the next day or so.

time for venting. the bravo television network has decided to participate in america's continuing and unwitting (?) endorsement of minority stereotypes by green-lighting a tv series entitled queer eye for the straight guy. in said series, five infinitely stylish urban queers make over the wardrobe and pad of a straight everyday joe.

I shouldn't even have to say why this is an affront to me. but I will. why does this show have a shot at success? because it plays into the belief of mainstream, heterocentric america that homosexual men are concerned solely with appearances, superficialities, and trends. furthermore, it feeds the representation of gays as city-dwelling white males (and all five members of the "team" are white). while it is certainly comforting to know that the viewing public has been deemed comfortable with the inclusion of alternative lifestyles in the media, shows like this and--yes, even the all sainted will and grace--are more of an irritation to me than a comfort. they show no diversity, no variation within a minority that is intrinsically all inclusive.

my primary concern: the role models that the media are giving to young homosexuals today. you see, it's fine to be gay, but only so long as we function as chic european-american paragons of fashion and good taste. we gel our hair, we shop, and we club. there are certainly thousands upon thousands of closeted teens in this country on the verge of coming out. and for all too many, this is what they come out to. by limiting portrayals of gays to vacuous, sophisticated fops, we are creating them.

last semester I attended a panel discussion on gays in appalachia. I spoke about myself a little, and how I've actually benefited from a rural upbringing. there is no club scene in dubya-vee-ay. the nearest banana republic is two hours away, and prada is simply a word in a foreign language. granted, backwoods towns mean backward thinking, and being gay in them ain't easy. but in absence of that superficial urban scene, I was forced to form my own identity. it's made it a little difficult for me to interact with most gay men, but I have no problems interacting with people in general. which is the problem that we're forcing upon homosexuals: we give them a niche to gravitate into, a comfort zone that isolates them in many ways from society. like pretty, gucci-clad birds, doing their tricks on the tube to entertain the masses and train each other to do the same. not a pretty sight.

sorry to be a bit militant. but dammit, sometimes I like getting riled.

oh, and a happy fourth to all!

updates.

I got the job. that's a beautiful thing. I start training on monday. not a lot more to say about that, but needless to say I'm quite pleased.

the car I mentioned was sold before I could get my hands on it, but I found and purchased another car identical to the one I previously described--only dark gray with black leather. his name is cedric (first car I've ever had that's obviously been a guy). he's very sexy.

I also had a great time with my parents on sunday. take note: I always hate to give chain restaurants ringing endorsements, but that night I had the best italian food I've ever eaten, no contest. if there's one near you (josh, this one is in pineville by carolina place mall--if you ever want to go I'll drive the 2 hours from here to eat with you) set off at breakneck speed for buca di beppo.

I try to make it a point never to speak ill of the dead, but within the past two days we've lost both katherine hepburn and strom thurmond. you get one guess as to whom I'm more broken up about.

sorry for not having updated in a few days, but every time I've tried of late blogger has been updating their system. or something. anyway.

the interview last night went really well, BUT--we were all told that about 15 candidates would be competing for 8-10 positions. instead, over 30 of us are fighting for 6. so the outlook is somewhat grim. but man, what a sweet job it is. any workplace that lets you come in wearing whatever you like and actually encourages listening to your discman while you work is excellent.

I'm growing very weary of the anne geddes babies. I want to develop my own series of baby photos that simulate wee ones shooting up heroin, wielding sharp objects, flipping off the photographer, etcetera. not because I encourage deviant behavior in chilluns, but because I feel that the market for such imagery is vast. enough other people are anti-geddes, I think. I hope.

I've picked out a car to buy, a 2000 nissan maxima. silver with gray leather, 29k miles. the 'rents hit town on sunday with veronica to try and negotiate a trade. sniff, sniff. but I suppose part of me is a little psyched at the thought of getting new wheels, however much I adore the old.

tiffany called the other evening; sho was swell hearing from her. she's all about hitting frisco together and splitting an apartment, a winner of an idea. no, not an idea...an idear. we'll just see what the future holds.

josh stayed over last evening on his way to d.c. we watched man of the century, a very interesting film. if you've got a weakness for 1920s culture, I recommend it.

no coffee all day and I'm about to swoon. better hit tate street asap.

what an incredibly neutralized day. only two things of note have happened:

good news received--I go in on thursday for the follow-up interview that I mentioned, which is wonderful. jobs are great. money is great.

bad news received--I have to trade in my car. so much money is being poured into the repairs, and the mechanic says that it's only a matter of time before one electrical snafu after another starts happening. keep this in mind, potential vw buyers. granted, most people would be overjoyed at getting a new(er) car, but I feel as if a doctor has told me, "your daughter is just too sickly. best swap her for another." but best to be practical, suck it up, and choose a reliable-if-boring japanese something-or-other this time.

I really do need to stop eating sour gummi candy all the time. that has nothing to do with anything, just a note.

I have no idea what happened to the past few days. such a blur. I understand why yesterday was...I'm a big fat bum and went to the friggin beach again. stayed up all night sos I could get there early, ended up getting there later than planned to find that there were no parking spaces. anywhere. ended up parking across the bay and walking a hell of a lot. by the time I got back to gso last night I was delirious with fatigue. I actually got lost in town trying to get home; I shouldn't have even been driving. but I learned the hard way about the parking. be forewarned: anyone's welcome to come with me when I go to the seaside, but I'm leaving by 6:00 a.m. at the very latest. period, no exceptions.

still haven't gotten to see all the real girls again. but it's still playing, so this week.

did see network tonight, finally. great flick. verrrrry disturbing.

carra has finally returned, devoid of much sunburn and full of piss and vinegar as before (non-southerners: that means she's mischievous, it's not a bad thing). good to know that she wasn't permanantly touched in the head by bonnaroo badness.

oh, my aforementioned interview went quite well. I'm hoping that I'll be contacted for the follow-up interview within a couple of days. see, they need 15 or so people to do this job, and so far only 5 candidates have passed muster. so I feel fairly confident. I'd really love to get this job as it pays $10/hr, which is more than others I've tried for. though it's sad, that kind of money seems like a fortune to me now! also some other interesting job prospects on tap. my outlook is somewhat brighter, although my bank balance is perpetually somewhat lower.

have I bought the new harry potter book yet? naturally. no midnight sale for me though; wal-mart had plenty of copies left when I went early on saturday, although I've heard that many places sold out, so I guess I was lucky. not sure how I feel about it yet--I'm about 200 pages in, and it just seems that harry's gotten very...crotchety. but that's a teenager for ya.

so off to do some reading. don't take any wooden galleons.

news from the bonaroo crew: carra's back home in al until saturday. she had to go to the hospital after getting first and second degree sunburns and passing out. not good. also, ashley left her keys and wallet in carra's car (she came back with emily et al), and is mildly hysterical at being stuck in nc. she's coming to the apartment tonight and carra's supposed to ship her purse here overnight. yikes.

wonders never cease--I have an interview tomorrow. keeping the old fingers crossed once again.

so all the real girls is now playing at the carousel. I'm totally going tonight to see it again.

I'm losing weight at an unhealthy rate; I just haven't been eating enough. think I'll go out for dinner for a change.

for once "whooooaaa, back's on fire" is my theme song. I realized that I'd probably just end up sitting around the house yesterday, so I decided to sit around at the beach instead. I spent a full day soaking up sun and playing in the ocean at wrightsville. although I applied spf 30 liberally and took proper breaks in the shade, I lay on my stomach for a bit too long. so the entire back half of my person is a wee bit red. but it was a great idea to go; I think I'll start going once a month or so when weather permits. also, when I went into downtown wilmington for some kickass crab cakes and sweet tea, I discovered nun street. that street automatically rules.

I was so proud of myself for becoming a neat freak upon moving into 4109. y'all should see the place now. if you could even get in the door, that is. no excuse not to clean up--gotta do that later.

oh, I just realized that mom's prophecy about being employed by yesterday was completely wrong. but since I'm checking back with a job on monday I won't get too cynical.

today's randomness: I decided yesterday that sunflowers are vulgar. I dunno. they just are.

that last entry was pretty crack filled. sorry bout that.

last night was a good one. tracy and I had a nice talk; I didn't know we had so much in common, it's pretty crazy. she left for alabama just after ashley came to stay over. there was drinking of tequila and watching of telly. oh, and I answered the phone when alan (tracy's aforementioned ex-b/f, but they're still friends) called the apartment for a chat, which he often does when he's sloppy drunk. I'd never personally spoken to the guy in my life, but he went on about how wonderful I was and how he wanted to visit and hang out. although claiming complete hetero status, he'd be "willing to make certain exceptions." it was hilarious and oddly touching. but then I've always been a sucker for affectionate drunk guys...sigh. let's not get into all that!

know what I like? ground fog on moonlit meadows. it's so sensual. if I ever do make films, I'm working it in.

know what I hate? people who criticize other people for being spoiled by their parents. I swear, I'm about sick of it. few spoiled kids ask to be pampered. granted many of us grow up ignorant of certain productive values, but it's unfair to chastise us for it. I've gotten the "spoiled brat" rap all my life, and I don't deserve it--simply because I never ask for more than I need. I often get it, but I can't stop my parents from being generous, although I have tried time and again. wanna call me spoiled? I'll be glad to give you my 'rents phone number and you can tell them that you disapprove of the way they take care of me. to all my fellow brats out there--just be as self-sufficient as you can. show the fuckers up. to all those who've ever dissed decent folk for being spoiled, get your freakin noses out of the air and tend your own gardens. our credit cards, our nice cars, and our nice toys don't hurt you a damn bit. get over it.

anyway. my plan for the weekend is to get tan. will keep everyone posted.

oh, and a couple new links on the left. because everyone should waste time online the way I do.

warning: useless rant ahead

I don't know why, but I have never been able to tolerate beach music. I heard a radio ad for a beach music festival in va today and it gave me a headache. I'd rather be seen in public with gilbert godfrey than attend such a travesty. and I always have a hard time explaining to people who aren't from the southeast what beach music is. it's not even an allmusic.com genre. contrary to popular belief, the drifters aren't beach music--not enough horns, and the rhythm isn't exactly right. spiral staircase is closer but not quite...and who knows who they are anymore? I just tell people, "think lots of trumpets, involuntarily snapping fingers, and torture." why I think shag is such a great movie I'll never know.

warning: toffee-nosed treatise on 20th century culture ahead

seeing singin in the rain last night was marvelous. a reminder of how much I love 1920s culture. by far my favorite decade.

the 50s were mass induced complacency in the wake of war. bring on ike and the automatic dishwashers and rock around the clock til we fall asleep in our twin beds and what could really go wrong in the suburbs? pass the instant mashed potatoes. please.

God love 'em, but the 60s were a somewhat simpleminded reaction to the blase 50s. america is boring, let's fix it! let's protest things, anything! let's make a difference! let's rebel! but let's smoke up first, maybe drop some acid. woo...yeah...avoiding reality is fun. hey...weren't we going to do something? never mind. does anyone have a guitar?

the 70s. uh huh. the decade that made pointing your finger in the air a valid dance move. at least in the 20s people wiggled them. and who wants to wait in long lines to gas up an amc gremlin when they can fill the stutz bearcat with ethyl at leisure?

and enough has been said about the 80s. money, hair, "new coke" and the powdery kind. and what were the 90s, anyway? the decorate-with-candles decade? the ace of base decade? pass the latte bong, fellow downsized gen-Xer. it's time for friends.

the 20s weren't perfect. they lacked foresight and they ended badly. but they were all about living for the day and living for yourself, and they made no bones about it. and the fact that people could still have a good time in spite of all the nastiness--prohibition, the red scare, teapot dome--might show a lack of social concern, but I also see it as strong evidence for the decade's individualism. the 20s gave us fitzgerald, sinclair lewis, t.s. eliot. count basie, cab calloway, the carter family. the lindy, the ghandi, and the talkie.

can you get running boards for a vw passat? 23 skidoo!

just killing a few minutes before josh gets here and we go to barbecue/singin in the rain. job hunt today was kinda 50/50. but again, in fear of jinxing anything, I'll withhold details until more is heard.

tracy (carra's sister) is passing through again tonight; apparently a falling out with her bf is forcing her back to al. -abama, that is. but she's great to have around.

fanny used the litterbox! here's hoping it sets a precedent.

laura's 19th birthday; gotta give her a call. she has a job. but she's a telemarketer. not that there's anything wrong with that, but if she was CEO of fingerhut or something I'd be resentful. wait a minute...

I am, however, jealous of carra for going to bonnaroo this weekend. lucky bitch.

I dunno what is with today, but traffic's horrible. I'd better shag ass, as it could well take several hours to get back to brassfield.

and in case y'all haven't heard...

bernadette peters did NOT win the tony for best actress in a musical!

what kind of world do we live in?

I have yet to post about the newest resident of 4109. she's an adorable kitten that carra has christened fanny (for the song "the weight"). problem: we cannot housebreak the damn thing. she prefers carpet, tile, anything to her litterbox. any advice would be welcome, or else fanny will soon be out on her...well, herself.

speaking of cats, I saw a children's book the other day with the greatest title/cat name ever: varjak paw. if you know why that name is so brilliant, then you rule. if not, ask me sometime.

am getting very tired of spherion's excuses. applied for four more jobs, and am going out on another citywide hunt tomorrow.

my time at home was nice. lots of eatin and sleepin. I don't do quite as much of either here, so maybe gso is the best environment for me, all things considered.

got the first 'leccy bill for the apartment. only $36, which is great news for both carra and myself.

I should really eat, or something. haven't done that yet. yeah food.

thought of the day: the anna nicole show is the best thing to hit tv since color.

quote of the day: "mark my words--by the end of the week, you'll have a job." - mom
will keep that in mind.

day of the day: prince's birthday. let's go crazy.

back to gso tomorrow. la de dah.

mom's coming down the walk with a bag of bellacino's grinders. that's definitely a reason to sign off!

a fun little online quiz:

answer the following questions with song titles from your favorite band
(mine are belle & sebastian, naturally)

are you male or female?
a space boy dream

describe yourself
freak

how do some people feel about you?
expectations

how do you feel about yourself?
it could have been a brilliant career

describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/interest
I don’t love anyone

where would you rather be?
ease your feet in the sea

what do you want to be?
my wandering days are over

describe how you live
sleep the clock around

describe how you love
the boy done wrong again

share some words of wisdom
fuck this shit

back in blueworld. really needed to escape life in 4109. still no job news, not even any word from freakin blockbuster video. am I that unemployable? also, as cute as the kitten is that carra brought home, I'm tired of cleaning up its messes, especially since she seems to always crap on the carpet when I'm making food. maybe it'll have started using the litterbox by the time I return.

speaking of returning, I'm so worried about getting work. I've done some major priority reevaluation lately. I initially thought it'd be worth it to work a crappy job and pay my own bills if I could be in GSO with my friends. nope. don't think so. besides, I can't even seem to get a crappy job, much less a nice one.

as much as I'd hate to do it (and as precarious a position that it would put josh in), if I can't find something halfway decent by the end of the summer, I may just have to come back and live here. for my bank account and my sanity. I'm really trying to find a job, though, because that's the last thing I want to happen. I'm not asking for an executive position, just something that doesn't involve asking about super sizing. but I think I probably will find something...won't I?

furthermore, I've become so much more aware of the necessity of job security that I'm strongly considering applying to doctorate programs in clinical psychology again. not that an advanced degree in psych would guarantee work, but it would be a more sure thing that film. sigh. we'll see.

back to "e true hollywood story: rosie." gotta love this life.