I found out on sunday that I can make a flawlessly risen souffle. it's good to know.

got a raise at work, and a better one than I thought. I won't be crass with specifics, but it gives my annual income a new first digit. my celebration? skipping my much wanted mickey d's to come home and eat a frozen bagel out of thrift. jeez, I guess if I was a millionaire I'd starve myself to death. like this lady I read about one time? there was this lady, see. and she only ate cold oatmeal because heating it cost money. and her son had to have his leg amputated because she wouldn't pay for his operation. she died a millionaire. yep, me and that lady. two peas in a pod.

23 days until turning 23. 23's a dumb age, certainly one of the more boring prime numbers. I still haven't decided if I'm going through with it. I might just refuse.

if my hair gets much longer I'm afraid it's going to go into a marlo thomas flip. tomorrow shall be the day of cutting.

and tonight shall be the orgy. okay, okay, identical-triplet-runway-models-from-somewhere-intriguing-like-cyprus, don't rip the sheets, I'm coming.

I should really develop a more efficient way of keeping 4109 clean, but I kinda like my all day/night scrubbing binges. viva saturday night!

I got off work at 10 p.m. last night, which was so odd. there just wasn't any work for anyone to do. that means we'll probably get swamped monday, though. well.

does anyone else find it strange that telekinesis as a method of masturbation hasn't been explored in literature or film? yeah...I was afraid I was alone in thinking so.

back to my romantic evening with the household appliances.

happy new year, everyone. and rabbit rabbit.

new posts at petrified fountain: rat race and george washington. jeez, what a combo. more to come as soon as I get around to it.

my resolutions (which I'm sure to break, now that I'm making them known):
1) stop smoking, cause it's bad for you.
2) eat tofu at least once a week, cause it's good for you.
3) lose ten more pounds.
4) shoot at least one decent film short. hey, it's a start.
5) be more diligent about keeping in touch with people. just in general.

so what will 2004 bring? 2003 gave me a lot of insight into relationships, my personal strengths and weaknesses, and my long-term goals. most importantly, it taught me a lot about being self-sufficient; it's not the scary bugger-all that I always anticipated. I think the key to having a successful new year is to use that knowledge to the best of my ability. yeah. let's hope that works.

speaking of scary bugger-alls, I have to be at the office at 10 a.m. thankfully I am a lazy enough slob to have prepared by sleeping until 7:30 p.m. beforehand so I can just stay up. yee haw!

top 10 things I learned this Christmas:

10) some people put beringer's white zinfandel in spaghetti sauce. um...
9) ball family gatherings are much less interesting when no one over 40 mentions chaka khan. it should be a requirement.
8) love's beef jerky is more addictive than cocaine.
7) pay no attention to the australian guy in the commercial. hoover floormates do not work, and you can get a really nice mop for that kind of money.
6) one sliced ham is not like another.
5) apparently bristol, virginia is totally crunk.
4) I can sleep for 18 hours at a stretch.
3) macado's currently offers a special holiday drink the exact same shade of pink as a victoria's secret bag.
2) medical students find the amputated breasts of cadavers rather boring.
1) messy apartments don't wish their tenants a merry Christmas by cleaning themselves up. it was all a hoax, dammit.

happy yule, y'all. it's been a fine family Christmas up in here. the eve was spent with all of dad's family here at home, washing down mom's famed broccoli casserole with dad's famed bourbon and cokes. Christmas day proper? nuthin. a blessed day of lying around and not shaving.

tonight was the "company dinner" for the consignment shop. a party of 14 converged on the new ultraswank david's restaurant for culinary carnage. then off to the hancocks' house for apertifs and the reading of THE POEM--an annually composed piece that comically lists off all the goings-on at the store. talk about a bourgeois bunch...I kid you not, there was bossanova eminating from somewhere in the house and no fewer than two attorneys present. but it was fun.

tomorrow, Christmas III: The Siblings. rick, debbie, and merry crew invade the old homestead to recreate wednesday with a new cast. then back to good old 4109 and work at the butt-crack of dawn on sunday (read: noon).

got dario. have shot some...typical home movies. also scored a bunch of new stuff that it would be tiresome and braggardly (?) to list here, but I feel loved.

we even had some snow, a dusting.

until I get back to my high speed connection, I wish constant reader a fine few days of afterglow.

just some randomness.

tonight I was made fully aware of being a southerner. at work I asked tabitha for 60 cents to get a coke from the machine. but the whole time I knew I was going to get a dr. pepper. I called a can of dr. pepper "a coke" without even thinking about it. for some reason, I feel a great surge of pride at this.

I'd like to see a post-apocalyptic film--along the lines of the stand--in which biker gangs take up residence in monticello. wouldn't that rule? perhaps a rival gang could set up shop in mount vernon and they could have gang wars, staining the fertile ground of the old virginny foothills with their vicious, angry blood. yes, I'd like that.

so I finally completed the ebay transaction for my christmas present from my parents (the one that I ordered for them, heh), and it should be here...well, maybe a bit after christmas. but he'll be worth the wait: a digital camcorder named dario. he's a sony dcr-trv33 (which I chose for the excellent resolution, mini dv format, and versatile hotshoe with a plethora of available attachments). in other words, it's a nice 'un.

but what am I going to do with it...?

I stopped by teeter on my way home and picked up some sushi. I'm gonna go chow down on some raw eel and watch telly and wait for the sun to come up.

a funny thing happened on the way to the cubicle.

I was on my way into work tonight and noticed some people standing around in the breakroom. as I got closer I noticed that one was an old man with a banjo. then I saw that they were all old men with instruments--guitars, etc. they were standing on a dais by the TV room; there were amps there, but they weren't turned on. I went in and walked past. they were singing something bluegrass-y. it was very confusing.

so I go upstairs. "hey, ginger, who are those guys downstairs?"

she's perplexed, and she always knows what's going on. so she asks christy. she doesn't know, and she's the floor supervisor. the upshot: everyone who'd passed through the breakroom had seen the quartet...but absolutely no one had any idea who they were or what their business was. it was hilarious.

I just thought that was worth sharing.

in case y'all haven't figured it out, I like movies. and talking about them. a lot. but I recognize that a lot of people honestly couldn't give a crap about my take on this film or that. so I've started a new blog just for my cinematic ramblings: petrified fountain of thought. it's a big mess right now, but I'll be working on it. today's "reviews:" the station agent, metropolis and rashomon.

give it a read. or don't. that's the idea, anyway.

fed up. do you ever just feel fed up? in general? at work tonight I found myself shuffling papers and thinking (in a mental muttering sort of way), "bastards. they won't be happy until I'm dead in my grave." then I asked myself who they were. I don't know. all the forces of annoyance that pervade my life.

mostly I'm worried that my supes at work are trying to screw me out of a raise. my quarterly review seems to be off-kilter; I'm either misreading the numbers or someone has accidentally or purposely fucked up. translation: come january I should be earning at LEAST $14/hr, but right now on paper it looks like 12. this situation will be remedied. if not, I'll give my notice just before I go for jugulars with my staple remover.

james is here, woo hoo! I think I'll try to hijack him over to chapel hill to see the station agent with me.

okay, speaking of movies. the list. I have the list...

columbia college
seattle film institute
academy of art college
uncg
university of pittsburgh
new york film academy

those are in order of preference...sort of. I'm just going to see what all the dept. heads say.

at the risk of being trendy (perish the thought), I wholeheartedly recommend the darkness' permission to land. got an appreciation for 80s metal? got a sense of humor, even a mediocre one? this album is a must. best enjoyed in rush hour traffic, shamelessly rocking out and disturbing the commuters.

the only shopping I've done so far is online. I be lazy as hell.

last night was bizarro. josh and I went to warehouse to a drag show/Christmas pageant thing put on by some folks we know. we were dreadfully out of our element. I drank a nauseating number of gin and tonics.

I've realized that I could be a club kid, and have fun doing it. but it would necessitate drunkenness. as much as I think that thoreau was a pretentious blowhard, he said one smart thing: "beware of enterprises that require new clothes." my credo: "beware of fun that requires substances;" it means that either you're lame or the thing that you're going to do is lame.

I now have a netflix membership. it's the greatest thing in the world. so this weekend I watched:

the bicycle thief. I disagree with the masses who claim that it's one of the greatest films ever made, but it is good. a very compelling story, simply done and relatable.

what's up, tiger lily? disappointed. woody allen meets mst3k ought to be funny, but isn't. there are a few big laughs, but scattered ones.

lawless heart. holy shit. I saw this in nyc in march and had to see it again. it is tragic how few people seem to have seen this film. I think...drumroll please...it might be my new favorite movie. ever. seriously. rent it asap. no, just buy it.

eban came over today to watch football with josh. I made homemade potato soup. I generally pooh-pooh my own cooking, but damn it turned out tasty.

I need to pick out at least one friend to say that I've been to prague with. then, when we're around people who don't know any better, I can turn to him/her and say, "remember that blahblahblah in prague that time...?" and he/she will play along and we'll laugh heartily. the other person will think we're the shit for having gotten into mischief in prague. I'd like that.

but for now, mischief in bed. ooh, that sounds bad. just sleep.

the plague kept me out of work yesterday; I was up all night coughing. went to the doc-in-the-box across the street and got lots of pills. mmm...hydrocodone. back at the grind today, though.

must Christmas shop this weekend. out of town for it? perhaps.

so there are three kinds of people, I think. Yeses, Nos, and Maybes. a Yes sets goals, puts forth the effort to acheive them, and generally gets what he wants. I hate Yeses. a No sets goals, puts forth effort, and generally fails miserably. I feel sorry for Nos. a Maybe sets goals and puts forth no effort, but thinks that he could achieve them if he tried...when he's really just afraid of being a No.

I'm such a Maybe.

I'm starting to relate to john cougar mellancamp songs a little too much. this means that I'm either all grown up and nostalgic or incredibly lame. all grown up and incredibly, nostalgically lame? yep, that sums it up.

I have to go and scrounge up some food. I spent $7.25 on chinese at work and put the leftovers in the fridge there. given how much I ate, that's about $4.97 worth of food that I totally ran off and forgot in thomasville. grr.

well, it's happened. the plague that's been going around the office has struck me. so far I've got a swollen and sore throat, hacking cough, headache, overallache, and low grade fever (the kind that makes just brushing against your clothes hurt). those who have already been stricken have advised me to batten down the hatches for at least 2 days off my feet at home, but I'm not missing work unless the need is very dire. but if I'm not improved by wednesday I'll see what the doc's got to say.

according to his online journal, stuart murdoch is a) freshly single and b) sexually frustrated. heh...step into my office, baby.

I started writing this really pseudo-intellectual thingie today about paranormal versus supernatural fiction writing. my theory is that it takes more talent to write effectively visceral supernatural work because all the elements must be conjured up from scratch. in paranormal fiction, parts of it already exist--therefore, it's easier to make them frightening/disturbing; one only has to make them behave in abnormal ways. hmm...I was able to make that a lot clearer earlier. shit, I'm tired.

goal updates:
weight--stable.
bank balance--decidedly unstable (stupid rent. stupid dry cleaning. stupid CVS. STUPID!)

I am so tired of credit card commercials in general. in every one, they show the card being swiped WITH THE STRIPE UP! hellooooo! that won't work! I don't care if you're showing off the name of your precious Discover card, let's have some realism here!

for some reason my nyquil's made me hyper. I'll go stare goggle-eyed at the wall (or perhaps wall-eyed, har har) and try to sleep. try.

happy turkey day, everyone. I write this in the wake of a truly marvelous thankgiving dinner, courtesy of rick and pam (that's my brother and his fiancee, to those of you not as hip to my world as you OUGHT to be). so much for taking off any more weight, at least for these few days. man. four days of not being at work. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. the only downside of the holiday was stopping by the coffeehouse yesterday afternoon and finding that they'd already closed. fuckers.

as t-day departs, Christmas looms. I've never done all my own shopping before, with all my own cash. it's a daunting prospect. I may ring in the new year from a well padded booby hatch, but hopefully have some fun getting there.

I'm going to go curl up with a bad book or something. will update with all the philosophical and intellectual insights sure to come out of a trip to the old homestead. may your sleep have the depth of a tryptophan addict's.

I knew as soon as I wrote about being miserable that life would perk up. actually, it has; I had a really nice weekend. last night was the disband/tigerbearwolf show/cd release party at gate city. then to a party on lexington ave with that whole crew--not as good as the last one, but really fun. got some properly embarrassing pictures.

today I talked to cassie for the first time in aaaaaages. I guess it was kind of a good thing that we hadn't been in touch since may, as I actually had things to talk about, heh. I sho do miss her.

car has been tended to. go me. lots of laundry getting done. keep going, me.

joined friendster. I advise everyone to do the same.

thanksgiving will be spent at rick and pam's house. that'll be nice, but I really hope that pugsly doesn't go off on too many tangents about k-mart. I think I actually get sunday off, too, but I won't know until tomorrow.

time to fluff and fold, y'all.

and time marches on...apparently there's a rumor circulating in greensboro that I'm dead--that, I believe, is seriously debatable. this is an a.p.b. for anyone who can tolerate my presence to give me a call! I have no life anymore! aaahhhh!

I'm trying to remember when I went to see lost in translation was it the 1st? shit, I think it was. that is the last time I did...anything. God bless josh for being around to keep me company. he's my thin connection to sanity. but I can never seem to get a hold of anyone. either a) people are too busy or b) they think I'm too busy. so when weekends roll around, I generally spend them counting the hours until monday. yup.

but enough ranting. o.d.'s thanksgiving dinner was tonight. I made a terrifying amount of mashed potatoes, and most were eaten and no one was poisoned. it was fun.

my car is now almost 5k miles overdue for an oil change, a situation that will be rectified tomorrow afternoon. just thought I'd share.

a decree: whenever I have the misfortune to be driving around town in the rain, hot guys in shorts and tight t-shirts should run by, getting progressively more soaked. I demand it.

movie suggestion: the grifters. I saw the last third on bravo and went out and bought it the next day based on that (I've only done that twice; other time was harold and maude). goooood decision. I think it's already in my top 10, or somewhere close to it. but don't bother with sidewalks of new york. I was disappointed, although it was nice to see heather graham playing a non-bimbo character. I guess I'll start admitting that we have the same birthday.

emerson be damned, I've decided that under no circumstances will I move to boston. I'm going to make it a lifelong rule to never live in an area where the native accent annoys me. except for brooklyn, maybe, and it's not so bad.

some goals.
currently:
weight--175 (down 20 lbs since the summer, baby).
bank balance--$1321.80.
by the new year:
weight--165.
bank balance--$2000.
wish me luck.

gonna go work on my model. it's a '58 plymouth that looks just like christine. I love it.

How I Spent My Saturday:

4:30--woke up.
5:00--got up. showered, dressed.
5:30--leftover beef stew and phone calls.
6:00--antiques roadshow on pbs.
7:00--wondered why I watched antiques roadshow.
7:15--went to the new big lots. disappointed; thought it'd be bigger.
7:30--tate street. wrote, read, drank coffee.
9:30--video review, bi-lo.
10:15--watched gaslight. great flick. someday I'm going to try and drive someone insane, just for kicks. better stay on guard, josh.
12:00--watched chinatown. even better. despite my hatred for faye dunaway.
2:15--philosopical contemplation. henry rollins: hotter clothes on or off? (off won, but tough call)
2:45--net surfing and general ennui.
3:15--said "idaho" to myself and laughed.
since then--international espionage and intrigue.

tomorrow, naked housecleaning! see ticketmaster for time and venue.

it's been a trying evening. I noticed when I came into work today that catherine seemed sort of down; jack said that she and gary had some kind of argument. she'd mentioned before that she and gary scrapped a bit, but it had never sounded major--that is, she had never sounded concerned. well, one look at her swollen, cut hand and how slowly she was walking made how major it was pretty clear. in fact, he told her that if she tried to leave him for good that he'd put her in the hospital.

michelle spearheaded an effort to get her to get the hell out. we all threw our support behind her, believe me. so catherine made some calls, snuck home and packed, quit o.d., and left on our 12:30 break (can't say where she went; not here, where certain bastards could stumble across it). the goodbye scene was tearful and huggy. but it's about friggin time. even if gary had been a pussycat, the relationship had become more of a liability than an asset. if it had ever been one.

as happy as I am for her, I can't help feeling miserable. for months I've spent more of my waking hours with catherine than anyone else, and consider her one of my closest friends now. well, she'd better keep her promise to call, dammit.

and the whole thing reminds me of just how tricky these situations can be. I say this: if you have never been in an abusive relationship, you do NOT know how you would act in one. it's easy for so many people to say, "man, if my boyfriend/girlfriend laid one finger on me, I'd be gone." would you? would you really? thankfully I've never had to make that decision...and I don't know how I'd decide.

in closing. at old dominion she was always catherine, to everyone. but she said once that she was always called cathy before she was with gary. she only changed because he didn't like it. so to my friend, wherever you are tonight: as soon as you left that office I hope that you became cathy again. and that you'll never be anyone else.

updates.

can I just say how amazing the belle and sebastian show was, as expected? they did a lot of new material but blew the dust off some old stuff as well (stuart had to actually pull out lyrics at points). the crowd was close to sold out and very responsive--hope that'll make the band play nc again! and I got to be more jealous of anyone than I've ever been. they were taking requests and one guy yelled out "DYLAN!" exceptionally loud. so stuart and stevie dragged him up on stage to sing "like dylan in the movies" with them. hugs were exchanged all around. I hate that guy. but damn, good show.

got a flu shot at work on tuesday. two winters of nastiness are enough.

no fun halloween stories; I was at o.d. people brought their cute kids around for candy, though, which was fun.

sarah love, carra and I are going to tate st. coffee at 8 to bitch about how we let the dcfc show sell out and not get tickets. well, we're going to carrboro tomorrow night anyway to try our luck. ben gibbard is too cute not to.

y'know, all I ever do in here is catalog my life. I never say anything thought provoking or philosophical. so here: daisy wheel printers. how have they affected the human psyche? feel free to comment.

what a fantastic weekend. saturday afternoon josh and I headed off to lexington for the barbecue festival. we met mad dog at lexington barbecue and joined him for sandwiches and hush puppies at the kitchen table in his westfalia van. I felt so badass. then the three of us went downtown to fight the crowds and see the pig races.

later that night josh and I went to see the old 731 crowd at their house on lexington avenue; it was eban's birthday. maybe it's just because I've been so socially deprived lately, but I think it was the best party I've ever been to. I swilled down 100 proof soco and talked sex with sarah sherman and her "truly bisexual" boyfriend. got up enough momentum on the porch swing to turn into inside-out boy. just kind of circulated and felt fabulous. I'm glad every weekend isn't like that...I'd never want to leave gso, heh.

tonight I'm calling in sick to work and going to see b&s with sarah love. I swear, if I called and kristy said, "come in or you're fired," I'd quit. I will NOT have stuart murdoch within an hour of me and not see him.

I have a date tomorrow, coffee in high point with michelle's pal travis. I already don't like him, but it can't hurt. he keeps clogging up my voice mail with messages, so I should give him some face to face time.

happy birthday to carra today!

peace out.

a car accident follow-up made it worth my while to write. tacky lady is claiming personal injury (whiplash)! what a laugh. "yes, having the side of my car scraped at about 10 mph gave me whiplash." I think not. well, let the insurance companies duke it out. if she gets anything out of it, I just hope she doesn't blow it all on more gaudy qvc-lookin jewelry.

I've made a slight alteration in my daily routine. every day I go to tate street, get my coffee, and write. I've taken the advice of film education mavens camille landau and tiare white: write for 20 minutes each day whether you have anything to say or not. and I've actually produced some worthwhile ideas. no real light-bulb moments yet, but I haven't really expected any. just flexing the old creative muscles, atrophied things that they are.

I type so much more efficiently than I handwrite, though; I'm thinking of investing in a used laptop. anything will do, so long as it runs ms word. on my budget, though, I might end up with something weighing 20 lbs and a 5 1/4" drive.

after years of wanting to, I watched the postman always rings twice last night. depressing, but great flick. the characters are so dynamic that they're almost unrealistic, but jack nicholson and jessica lange both do great jobs.

since I'm currently in a "who cares" frame of mind about my physical self, I'm gonna go scarf leftover pizza and milky way popables. if I don't write for a few weeks I've probably died from acute indigestion.