only in texas.

this is one of the stupidest, most offensive things I've seen in a very long time. the kinda thing that makes you just hate the whole world. grr!

sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been waiting for...life to stabilize. but if I wait on total stability, I don't know when I'll ever be writing here. most people reading this already know that the past few weeks have been--without question--the darkest period of my life. I've had my share of tough times before, but I honestly never believed that just getting through a day could be so hard. if not for my parents' support I seriously doubt that I would be alive to write this. I mean that literally. several aspects of my life that had been running fairly smoothly fell completely apart at once, and it was more than I could handle and still function. I took a little "vacation," and mom stayed with me for a while as well. I've been able to rely on my good old friends, and even made some funky new ones. I'm only just starting to believe that there might be a tiny bit of hope for any lasting happiness in the future, but haven't convinced myself quite yet. and I'm still not at a place where I wake up every day and am glad that I did, sad to say. logically I know that eventually I'll get past it all. but emotionally I just can't say that now. I'm sorry to report that if 2008.5 is going to happen after all, it's going to be late. but I'm working on it. I'm working as hard as I can, promise.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! the horror! the horror!

dorkdom alert: I made a line graph of what my moods have been like for this first half of 2008. I began with late january because life was relatively static until then. the baseline can be said to represent "contentment:"



I'd really like to become a citizen of forvik, but I don't actively have anything against the british government. I might settle for the aerican empire, but it just doesn't seem as cool somehow, even if they do lay claim to territory on mars.

in fortune cookie last night: "bide your time, for success is near." y'know, when baked goods start giving you exactly the same advice as your friends, I think that entitles you to go on a killing spree if they turn out to be wrong. so unless you want your world to be covered in a crushed cookie sprinkled blood bath, I'm thinking there had better be some fingers crossed for the old Jermeister.

toes, too.

I could write about what life is like right now. but this video clip sums it all up better than I can.

for the first time in my life tonight, someone spoke to me with what sounded like pure, unadulterated hatred in their voice.

I just can't win, can I?

s (small) silver lining in the gas price snafu: gm wants to sell hummer.

ha, ha.

did I mention that I got my tongue pierced? it's nifty.

addictive substance: pom pomegranate peach passion white tea. wish it wasn't so expensive.

gearing up for a nyc trip next week. anybody in the manhattan/brooklyn/etc urrea wants to hang with me--not this weekend but next weekend--hit me up.

I ever meet this guy, I'm proposing marriage right there and then.

okay, here's the deal. it is now june, so for all intents and purposes 2008 will be half over as of the end of the month. I know that's not exact, but six months is six months. I'm speaking to the Hand of Fate, to the Cosmos, to whatever forces drive the business of my life independent of my own actions.

I want a do-over.

starting july first, I say we just consider the remainder of 2008 its own year. 2008.5, 2008 redux, 2008 final draft, what have you. I'd really like to see some wrongs righted. I'd like to get up every day without dreading what fresh hell is next. I'd like to open the umbrella and NOT have it be raining from underneath. and in all honesty, I'm not interested in justice. I'm not interested in what is "fair." what I want is for things to go my way this time. I ask all this respectfully and with the inkling that just maybe I deserve some better fortune than what I've experienced since this past january or so.

pretty please with sugar on top?

I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
In his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

And when I was twelve years old my father took me to a circus--the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears.
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.
And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle.
I had the feeling that something was missing;
I don't know what. But when it was over
I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a circus?

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away. And I thought I'd die...but I didn't.
And when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.

I know what you must be saying to yourselves.
If that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment.
For I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you
When that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath
I'll be saying to myself:

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing.
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is.

--Peggy Lee

[author's note: okay, sometimes I feel the need to post lyrics.]

let's say for a moment that I am the most respected person in the world. I have all the money I could ever spend, all the power I could ever wield, and everyone is willing and obligated to do exactly as I say.

[takes cold shower, returns]

okay, so given that scenario I'd like to hire celebrities as my support staff. I've put some serious thought into this. here are the nominees and my reasoning.

valet: william moseley. because valets should be british, after all. and it would start the most delicious rumors.

administrative assistant: jenna fischer. it's less about the fact that she plays a receptionist on "the office" and more about the fact that she actually types 85 wpm. handy. and come on! pam as your gal friday! fantastic.

driver: nicholas cage. did his own stunt driving in gone in sixty seconds. and he can look really threatening when he has to. (sidenote--it would DEFINITELY be steve mcqueen if he was still living, though)

housekeeper: cameron diaz. has OCD, so should do a bang-up job. and again, good rumor fodder.

poolboy: david faustino. I actually came up with this one yeeeears ago. I'm not sure why. I just really like the idea.

chef: christopher walken. at least we know he can roast a chicken.

landscaper: rick moranis. think about it. hard, if necessary. if you still don't know why, let me know. I'll berate you briefly and explain.

a research study has shown that people who drive black cars tend to have self-confidence levels that are 14.6% below average.

hi, angelus. hi, eartha. does this mean that my self-confidence is 29.2% low?

because that would make sense.

also: thanks to catie braly for this link.

and furthermore: though I nevernevernever post song lyrics here, I've been listening to this one on repeat lately a lot more than is healthy, so:

"Kathleen"

all the other girls here are stars—you are the Northern Lights
they try to shine in through your curtains—you’re too close and too bright
they try and they try but everything that they do
is the ghost of a trace of a pale imitation of you
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
this party is made with the night air and the chance that a smile
will wind its way from your face to one of the boys in your line
you act like you’re hip to their tricks and you’re strong
but a virgin Wurlitzer heart never once had a song
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
and I’ll have you back by break of day
I’m going your way anyway
and if you’d like to come along
I’ll be yours for a song
I know you are waiting and I know that it is not for me
but I’m here and I’m ready and I’ve saved you the passenger seat
I won’t be your last dance just your last goodnight
every heart is a package tangled up in knots someone else tied
I’ll be the one to drive you back home Kathleen
so crawl up your trellis and quietly back into your room
and I’ll coast down the length of your drive by the light of the moon
and the next time I see you—a new kind of hello
both our hearts have a secret only both of us know
‘bout the night that I drove you back home Kathleen

--Josh Ritter

this is going to sound stereotypical, but there's no denying it lately. the ladies in my life give me...well, some problems, but nothing out of line. it's the men that are the issue. here's what I want: I want to sit down one-on-one with every guy that I encounter regularly--friends, relatives, co-workers, even some I don't really know--and give them performance reviews. I want to discuss their roles in my life and how they should be modified (or not). I want to give ultimatums and dictate appropriate behavior. and I'd better see note taking and attentive expressions. when it comes down to it, I might even have to do some downsizing.

bunch of lousy pig fuckers. sorry, that was my inside voice.

I...I really don't know what to say about this, honestly. I just...think people should read it.

as anyone who has known me for more than five minutes can attest, I am a devotee of all things brideshead revisited. the book is magnificent. the bbc miniseries is a gem. now there's the new film from miramax, which--judging by the trailer--glosses over the religious symbolism of the text and bbc version in favor of sensation, scandal, and even more homosexual overtones.

I can't frigging wait to see it. I am now officially a heathen.

in my years of psychological study I never remember hearing about the capgras delusion. granted it sounds terrible, but what a band name!

okay, so I'm a year late on this one but somehow I missed it until now. if you've been living under the same rock you have to watch this. prepare to have your mind blown.

several times a year I get this insatiable urge to move to pittsburgh; eventually I might have to fulfill this. unfortunately this particular urge coincides with the 'burg's being named the sootiest city in the US. sootiest. eh, I like soot. love me some soot. soot, soot, soot. no problem. I think I've finally decided on what neighborhood I'd like, too: chatham village. it's mostly populated by older folks, but $80k for a two bedroom townhome on mount washington? bring on the golden agers.

gripe: the other day I was getting coffee in starbucks (which is what I tend to do there) and noticed a policeman sitting down enjoying his beverage. nothing wrong with that. in fact, I'd go so far as to say that cops deserve coffee more than many people. however. this one had left his cruiser running outside. yep. hanging out with his coffee while the old crown vic sucked down the taxpayers' money and helped thin out the ozone layer. was he planning on being able to make a quick getaway? sure didn't look like it. and it really doesn't take that long to start a car. this would have irritated me enough without gas prices being what they are. grr.

I'm don't usually drool over daniel radcliffe the way most people seem to. but...um...well...um...







okay, that's as good a place to leave off a post as any.

strangest portent ever: barbara fritchie coming up twice in one day in two unrelated contexts. not that I should mention it. I talk way too much about omens and portents, especially when...well, actually they usually DO signify upcoming events in my life. only with me the events are usually good. great, now I've probably jinxed whatever it was. I'm way too superstitious for a Presbyterian/raised Baptist/deemed honorary Reform Jew/turned pseudo-Quaker.

regardless of how inflated or minute our egos, I think we all see ourselves as the stars of the sitcoms that are our lives. do you ever wonder if maybe you're not even on the air anymore? that maybe you're really just a supporting cast member on someone else's show? or could it be you're only an extra?

too much shep does stuff to my brain.

speaking of my brain, though, this is the second straight day I've been in a genuinely good mood. I literally cannot remember when this last happened. I'm just not going to question it.

I can't even laugh when I read this. it's way too close to being straight truth.

weirdness alert: I should really be in bed by now.

thanks for all the well wishes, all. we just might lick 'em yet.

have finally started watching "30 rock" and am unable to stop. it's not quite the greatest show ever *cough*the office*cough*, but if you like tina fey it's impossible not to enjoy it.

food for thought: in both the original ending AND the book upon which the film was based, ducky won. eat that. hint for the clueless--80s flicks, anyone?

the official wording on something that I tend to misquote...

francis: does it turn into a bed?

ida: yes, it becomes a bed. it's a special, magic sofa. it opens up for magic, lazy boy, and angels come and feed you grapes, and sing to you while you sleep, and it flies around the room granting wishes for boys who are stupid.



I've discussed with several people just what "loretta switt's automobile" should look like. I researched it and have decided it's an auburn boattail speedster. I should add that this has nothing to do with what she actually drives. just go with it.






and just for esses and gees, here's a picture of dad and I in my old wheels. I miss her.

so I have this idea. if you read this blog regularly (har har, brave soul that you are) you may have gathered that the past few months have been a really rough time for me. in fact, I'd call them the most difficult period of my life. I've deliberately skirted the reasons why here, and I ain't gonna get into them now--sorry to disappoint. not important for our purposes now, anyway. I've done everything that I can to try and set my life to rights. nothing seems to be working. every time I think I've made some progress I get knocked back to square one. and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going unless things look up.

maybe this is crazy enough to work. if you pray, pray for me. if you don't, well darn it hope for me. this is a plea for good vibes. an appeal for a little luck. I need some positive karma. grab people on the street and say, "do you know jeremy ball? doesn't matter. think him some happy thoughts."

I'm effing desperate, friends. all joking aside.

fie on't! only had him a year and there goes my resale value.

this article answers a question I've pondered for years. yeah, this is the kind of thing I devote my precious brain cells to.

for the second time--the first being in high school--I find myself obsessed with any and all things nick drake. his music just compliments my own past few months so well, which doesn't mean that I've been hopelessly depressed or any of that rot. just very...inwardly focused, how about that? the problem with being a nick drake fan is that his catalog is so sadly limited. so I think, "better find a similar artist to get myself into." well, there isn't really anyone who compares (with all due respect to elliott smith fans. excellent stuff, close but no cigar).

this brings back so many great memories. I've been looking for it for some time, since they don't keep it in their archives.

even though I haven't been feeling maudlin enough to go about it properly, I've been perusing a.e. housman this afternoon. I'm not impressed by all his stuff, but this little number...well, strikes a chord:

Shake hands, we shall never be friends, all's over;
I only vex you the more I try.
All's wrong that ever I've done or said,
And nought to help it in this dull head:
Shake hands, here's luck, good-bye.

But if you come to a road where danger
Or guilt or anguish or shame's to share,
Be good to the lad that loves you true
And the soul that was born to die for you,
And whistle and I'll be there.

--XXX, from housman's "more poems"

on the lighter side, hoppy Easter ladies and gents!

today, a quote:

"I want to stab him with his own stupid haircut."
--nadine "two sheds" wilson

also, an endorsement:

audioshell. I've been looking for something like this for ages. right click on any of your mp3s, go into "properties," and edit your id3 tags right there and then. and it's free. don't know why windows hasn't integrated this feature already. it's a lifesaver. is only listed as supporting xp and 2000, but works with vista just dandy.

just a quick update: attended kalani's birthday bash last night, and it was fabulous (except for the fact that I slept through several hours of it). pics are here. by the way--I get a lotta complaints that my posted pictures aren't big enough. one more time, folks: in webshots, after you click the thumbnail you also have to click the magnifying glass under the photo to get the full size. believe me, they're plenty big.

hate to say I told you so, but this is what I've been trying to tell people. well, more specifically, but same gist. I'm all for alternative energy sources, just like anyone with any sense. but jumping at anything that ISN'T dependent on crude oil is not a good idea.

a link to the blog of a friend of mine with even better (?) taste in movies than I have:

the trashy horror charlie show

he's also working on a book on the subject. man, I'd propose marriage if he wasn't a breeder.

whatwhatWHAT?

must remember to post about castle carnevale when I'm not headed to bed.

I'm sorry if this makes me immature, but speaking of my personal cardinal truths:

"that's what she said" jokes are always funny.

one of the great truths of life (if you're into guys; this metaphor doesn't apply otherwise): no matter how content you are, part of you is always going to be waiting to walk out of a church to find jake ryan standing beside his porsche.

I always laugh when I hear about someone receiving "the key to the city." unfortunately, that doesn't happen much anymore. the absolute funniest city to receive the key to? pasadena. you know it's true. here are my top five funniest cities for keys:

1) pasadena, ca
2) spokane, wa
3) wilkes-barre, pa
4) toledo, oh
5) perth amboy, nj

I guess I have a new life's goal.

friends and snow. those two things make me very happy indeed. take my word for the friends. see the snow here.

nadine, you are keeping me from sinking into complete insanity and ruin. thanks.

only, just in case you lie down on the job, I've got my power of attorney papers all drawn up. take note, mom.

at least I can still joke a little. google something like "psychotic episode warning signs," leaving out the quotes. yeah, I have most of those. I was rereading some of my older entries and trying to figure out when I last really felt...together. at peace with everything, not disillusioned with all the day to day stuff.

last may. ish. then last month it really began to spiral.

I've had some chipper posts since then, surely, but reading between the lines it really has been that long since I've felt satisfied with my life.

I think it's time I started using my shrink's office for something other than picking up prescriptions.

let's talk for a minute about scream queens. as an aficionado of both rotten and redeemable horror films, ladies labeled as such have made great contributions to my life. when the viewing public labels the ultimate scream queens, however, they tend to only pick those who have been in films of note. this is unavoidable; after all, how many people have actually seen "mari-cookie and the killer tarantula in 8 legs to love you?" I know I haven't. but it seems unfair that a label that intrinsically should be applied to fringe b-movie stars gets slapped on, say, jamie lee curtis. time and time again. nothing against jamie lee, mind--I'm a big fan. but I reviewed the resumes of several notable screen queens on imdb, giving them a point for each film they've made that can be termed horror. how does she stack up?




(yes, I actually went to the trouble to tally all those films and make this chart. I am the KING time waster.)

so I'd like to give a big shout out to linnea quigley, aka trash from "return of the living dead." may she never stop crankin em out.

I learned a lot this morning. I really hope I don't lose it all by the time I wake up this afternoon. I'm making this entry to remind myself that there are people who actually think I might be capable of steamrollering the fucking world, and that--at the moment, anyway--I think they may be right.

Which Office character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jim Halpert You're Jim! That's so cool, Jim's awesome. Jim Halpert 60% Jan Levinson 60% Pam Beesly 55% Ryan Howard 55% Angela Martin 55% Michael Scott 50% Dwight Schrute 30%

(okay, so I had to take five different quizzes to get jim. but I didn't take any twice or skew my answers!)

all my usual complaints aside, it's rare that I genuinely find myself In A Crisis. my issues are usually limited to a lifespan of a day or two; they rarely interfere with my ability to function normally and in a cheerful and productive fashion. in psych courses you cover what coping mechanisms people use In A Crisis. dietary habits change, as do sleeping habits and substance use. all that good stuff. but because my setbacks are limited to a single sleep-wake cycle or two, I have from time to time wondered just what my ways of coping are. I'm not saying that I've never felt seriously disturbed, only that most of the major problems are--thankfully--far enough between that I don't give it much thought.

take note: when In A Crisis, jeremy drinks too much, sleeps too little, and eats next to nothing. if I forget, I'll have this entry to refresh my memory.

leading up to the primaries, some candidates are becoming progressively more visible while others are losing ground quickly. want to be able to stick up for the underdog? want to support a front runner with a ringing affirmative? take a fun online quiz.

bet you never knew what the phrase "piping hot" actually means. I didn't.

I think I'd be much happier if I could go around with a dave brubeck song stuck in my head constantly.

jillions of people have seen the film the graduate, but I've never met anyone besides myself who has read the novel by charles webb. that's a shame; webb has a very unique writing style, very heavy on deadpan dialogue. forty years after penning the graduate he has published a sequel entitled home school. it has received favorable reviews and my copy is on the way. I'm excited all out of proportion, as fans of the ben/elaine/mrs. robinson triangle really should be.

I only hope that it's a satisfying read. I hate it when an author publishes a sequel to a novel I love only to have events take a rotten turn. if the book is by a different writer you can say, "oh, well. it really doesn't count." but sometimes the original author whips up a real stinker. anyone read son of rosemary? don't. because guess what? everything that happens in rosemary's baby is a DREAM. yep, the whole novel doesn't happen. sometimes I wonder about ira levin.

edit: have just discovered that he died in november. alas.

oh, today's my birthday. don't get all excited; I'm not. I was already cranky about turning twenty-seven for various reasons. then, in her grand tradition of noticing the most delightfully random aspects of the obvious, ali mentioned that "twenty-seven has the most syllables of any age we've ever been." yikes.

at any rate, I think this clip sums it all up nicely:

romantically involved white male seeks person to provide sense of direction. open to any and all possibilities. applicants must show skill in showing people what the hell they should do with their lives. non smoker a plus.

the other day justin was kicking around the idea of our moving to asheville once he gets his degree. I was iffy, but look at the ellington--a hotel with condos to be constructed this year. some people in asheville are against it as being a bit too hulking for downtown, but how can you not love a building as "ghostbusters" as this? mark my words: in the unlikely event we move, it'll be here.

also: the onion radio news always makes me laugh, but for some reason this most recent clip almost had me on the floor. probably because it sounds so familiar.

fun way to mess with someone: randomly walk up to him/her and say, "you know, it's people like you who make this country great." I tested that one tonight and the results were satisfying.

speaking of patriotism, is it wrong that I think omar osama bin laden is kind of...attractive? don't answer that.

I can't believe we're actually having some winter weather. bring it on.

david cronenberg says a lot of quotable things. I think my favorite is:

"my dentist said to me the other day: I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films?"

in closing, here's a picture of a capybara. no particular reason, I just like them.

it's taken me years to break down and watch it, but I finally have to admit: "the office" really is the best show on tv. not since the dearly departed "arrested development" have I been so enamored of a sitcom. however, I discovered something that should be distressing to fellow fans...there is no chili's in scranton.

watching "the office" has also made me come to an upsetting conclusion. its ratings, like those of A.D., have never been that high. so many of the best shows on tv just don't get big audiences, and I think I've ascertained why. no laugh track. it seems most americans need to be told when it's okay to laugh. if they don't hear other people laughing, it must not be funny. I'm glad I finally realized this. it makes me feel more secure in the knowledge that I'm better than everyone else.

most funnest fattening hobby ever: making ice cream. justin got me a machine for Christmas and it's so addictive.

mike huckabee = scary. so let's laugh at him.

that's hot. er, I mean shocking, terribly shocking. despite dr. anderson's assertions to the contrary, though, I can't believe that the exclusive use of cheerleaders as a sample didn't affect the results. I mean, really.

why is it that computer literacy and plain old literacy seem to be at odds? I can barely stand to go on any message boards anymore. I can understand taking shortcuts when you're texting, IMing, and the like. but let's have some periods in our posts, some commas in our comments. and PLEASE work on your basic spelling skills. whenever I'm reading someone's opinion or review, I immediately stop caring when I see that they can't put a sentence together. it makes you seem unintelligent. ergo, you must be wrong. it's not that hard to grasp. I'm terrified that in a few years people won't be able to use syntax or grammar if their lives depend on it. and if I get my hands on some of these nimrods, they will.

I know, it's nothing new. but it still hasn't gotten old.



oh, and happy new year!

well, the yuletide spirit has been purged until next season. low key holiday at home with debbie and her family away in a manger (read: harrisburg), but nice otherwise. I'm taking bets on when the cleanup process will finish. insider tip--we still have to completely straighten up from '06.

my biggest Christmas present was to myself, though: a new computer. it was time. my old machine hated me, that was the only explanation. I did so much for him and he repaid me with heartache. all the new hardware, repeated os reinstalls, to no avail. that's not to say--ahem--that I wouldn't recommend him to a new home, one who might be less demanding. so he's up for sale.

new pc, ergo I finally had to bite the bullet and switch to vista. I have likes and dislikes. even with a fast beast like this one I had to disable most of the flashier features to get full performance. according to my firewall it's MUCH more secure than xp, though, and it hasn't crashed yet...knock all possible wood. and reports of poor backwards compatibility have been, in my experience, exaggerated. I've decided to play dr. nerdenstein and install linux for a dual boot. why? because I can. getting linux up and running, however, is enough to make you want to kiss bill gates' ass. but hey, it's a constructive hobby.

I greet the upcoming new year with some apprehension. but then, shouldn't everyone with any sense do the same? 2008 is a nice, solid number though. I'm a big fan of multiples of 4.

another personal hero.

so dad had knee replacement surgery last monday. it went well; he's been doing some walking and isn't in too much pain. I'm totally getting him an oil can for Christmas.

speaking of Christmas, every year I can usually say definitively that I am or am not ready for the holidays. for 2007 I'm not sure. everything seems very neutral. the weather's been cold but not snowy. I'm staying on track doing my shopping--neither ahead nor behind. my mind accepts that Christmas music and lights are everywhere but isn't annoyed by it. it's all very...complacent. I can deal with that.

three homicides in gso over the weekend. significant for a city our size. word is that at least two were gang related. yet there are still bigwigs in this town who deny that we have a gang problem.

when it comes to entertainment, I'm naïve in a lot of ways. no matter how weak a plot twist is in a film, it'll probably take me by surprise. similarly, I have the tendency to read books solely for entertainment value. oh, I'll usually pick up on metaphors and allegories and whatnot. I just overlook them.

take the chronicles of narnia, for example. the Christian references are impossible to miss even as a kid, but they've never had an impact on my relationship to the series. and the great gatsby. despite analyzing it to death in senior english (particularly that damn green light), I managed to love it just the same. it's not that I'm anti-intellectual or boorish about literature, and I could still turn out a decent AP paper with my cliff's notes tied behind my back. it's just my way of doing things, and it's helped me give some of "the great books" a fair shot when I otherwise might not have done.

I ramble like this because I'm tearing through his dark materials, the philip pullman trilogy of which the recently adapted the golden compass is the first. I dig this stuff, and I'm leery of the fantasy genre as a rule. but before I'd read one page I'd heard loads about how anti-Christian pullman's work is; one reviewer said that he "pisses on religion." that's a little strong, but there's no denying the strong opinions voiced in the novels. and unlike narnia, his dark materials doesn't bother to couch them in metaphor--the author deals with Christianity as we know it. rather than say that his work is flatly against religion--although he's a confirmed atheist--it's easier to agree with the archbishop of canterbury, who sees the series as an attack on religious oppression and dogmatism.

and how much does all this matter to me? well, other than giving me an excuse to spout off paragraphs like the previous one here, not at all. I read to be taken out of myself. I read to fuel my own imagination. for a long time now my own worldview has been set enough (perhaps stodgily so) to prevent me from shifting my philosophy based on a work of fiction. reference my earlier spiel on ayn rand, for example. let other people argue about whether it's better to swim in a lake versus an ocean versus a pool versus a river. I just like to jump in and splash around.

now wasn't all that impressive? for someone who hates deconstructing, that is.

I don't know how many vinyl collecting dorks read this blog...well, that's not true. I'm pretty sure it's one. anyway, if you hanker after the prehistoric platters, I can't recommend musicstack.com highly enough. you don't get the thrill of the hunt, but there seems to be literally nothing that this site can't find for you. besides, bending down to sift through all those orange crates on the floor will kill your knees.

choosing a calendar is a big deal in my house. we have only one; it hangs just above the kitchen phone. it's a decision that must be lived with for a full year. 2008 has yet to be decided. if I was just a LITTLE more distasteful, I think I'd have to push for this one:







yes, it's real. a Mormon missionary beefcake calendar. tres funny.

I spent some time this evening looking between my reflection and old pictures of myself and came to a conclusion. I've suspected it for a while, and it's true.

four years of wearing headphones 7+ hours a day have flattened my ears.

before you scoff, keep in mind that I wear big 70s lookin headphones. no piddling earbuds for this fella. and my ears have always been unusually elastic. in high school, tiffany discovered that tugging upward on one of my ears can lengthen it by almost a full half inch (don't ask why we attempted that experiment; I don't honestly remember).

this is excellent news. my entire adult life I've wanted otoplasty, and since I've been self-supporting I've considered it seriously. I've always hated my jug ears, only now they're not so juggy. I got the benefits of surgery without the pain and expense--in fact, you could say that I got paid to have my ears "done." oh happy day!

now I can focus more on how I loathe everything between my neck and waist.

generally reading any of my old poetry makes me want to barf, but this one's not too bad:

youth wasted on children

I think about standing at washington square
in new york watching a tweed-clad boy
with a super 8 camera film pigeons and
feeling more envious than I ever had

and I wonder if I want a bonfire by the lake
or an old house filled with wood for my
children to slide down banisters and
smear peanut butter on the oriental rugs

and I hope that it’s not always necessary
to leave one life behind for another, and if
I can’t at least put off growing up long enough
to get away with a few more fits of hysteria

and I grow smug looking back on the
teenaged me that had so much fun affecting
adulthood with jim beam and cigarettes
and think man, if you only knew

if you only knew

© 2007 jeremy ball. all rights reserved.

I REALLY wish I had money enough to blow on projects like this.

my nasty cold is almost better, thankfully. I wish that I'd known about this stuff when I was still hacking away, though. I'm gonna try it sometime.

you know what I find offensive? jokes about men being raped by other men. why is it horrific to laugh at a woman being violated yet perfectly okay to snicker about "dropping the soap" and that oh-so-famous scene in deliverance? I guess I'm a little wacky, but I don't find any form of sexual abuse funny. I tried to make this point in college once, in a class about domestic violence. I was more or less pshawed--more evidence that male rape victims are, to many people, a non issue. grr.

earlier tonight I tried to make a list of everything that I'd need to accomplish to get my daily life organized and on track. I ran out of paper. true story.

I enjoyed barack obama's appearance on snl saturday evening. I hope that he gets the democratic nomination, but if hillary comes through I won't cry about it. I mean, if someone offers you a new car, you might keep your fingers crossed for a cadillac but you won't turn up your nose at a buick. especially not when you've been driving an amc gremlin for eight years. that's a rotten analogy, but I ain't no writer. it also doesn't allow for the potential election of a republican president, simply because that's an alternative that I refuse to consider.

can't remember when I've gone so long without posting, but I sho have had my reasons. my computer was stone dead for two weeks. for the first time I ran into a problem that I couldn't work out myself. I'd love to tell the whole sordid story, but I'll be nice and just sum up with some bullet points:

* if you live in the triad, do NOT take your computer to pc plus systems solutions. they seem to have a nasty habit of ignoring the customer's requests, assuming that said customer doesn't know doodley squat about their machine, and not making their self-imposed service deadlines. I paid them $120 for data backup that didn't even have the data I needed.

* if your computer ever highsides it, get recover my files to help pick up the pieces. it's $69.95 but worth five times that if you've got data that's irreplaceable. it's also proof positive that deleting something does NOT make it go away--pretty much the only foolproof way to do that is take a blowtorch to your hard drive, in my experience.

* I'm this close to becoming one of those creepy mac people. my problems stemmed from a windows issue that I tried to fix...using a utility provided by microsoft. I find myself lingering by the new imacs at compusa. well, it's a moot point for a couple of years anyway.

I've got more to say, but I've got sleep to get.

if you claim you never wanted one of these, you're a dirty liar. I sure as heck still do.

does anyone else think it's stupid that a lot of guys wear underwear inside their swim trunks? I could sort of understand if you were wearing old school trunks--clingy issues--but men do this in board shorts.

oh, and speaking of amazon:

[read in singsong voice. suggested tune: "nana-nana boo-boo"]

bought myself a present! bought myself a present!

bout damn time they released a set for north america, too.

huzzah! amazon has finally launched their mp3 store. it's easy to navigate, the tracks are DRM free, and they have damn near everything. I got so excited about this that I actually spent money on digital music. whoda thunk?

understatement: bluefield, west virginia is not the most interesting place in the world to grow up. I've always thought that it would make a fine place to raise kids until they hit about ten years old--that's when they'll start to get bored. but even when I was young I recognized what a fascinating place the 'field must have been in its heyday.

it's hard to explain unless you've been there. all the old downtown department stores are gone but most of the buildings remain. same for the old theatres. the big old victorian houses in north side, gone ghetto but with gingerbread intact. the shell of the matz hotel. what's left of "vito's alley"--once a disreputable strip of ginmills near the railroad tracks. bluefield was THE place to go for a hundred miles around, back when the mines still boomed and no one had conceived of malls or interstates.

I think what's really been lost is that underlying feeling of depravity that must have accompanied the small town charm. in it, stephen king discourses on the lumberman's town of derry, maine. how it was where all the tough guys converged to drink, whore, and gamble. bluefield served the same purpose (although I'm sure the chamber of commerce wouldn't care to hear me say it), only for coal-men rather than woodsmen. I've heard more great stories about floozies hanging out of windows in the drake hotel, the goings-on at the old bus terminal, the badasses at the overlook. I just hate that I missed it all.

I dream about this gothic conception of bluefield, and my dreams always take place in the early half of the previous century. the sidewalks teem with people even after 9 p.m. the high schoolers mob the woolworth's luncheon counter and drugstore soda fountains. in the shadows are still darker shadows that you look away from and hurry past. and over it all looms the big appalachian power clock, visible all over downtown from its perch on the hillside.

I thought of all this after reading a poem by rick mulkey, a bluefield resident and poet. it's called "cain's apology," and this is the verse that grabbed me:

"We were only boys, fifteen and ten.
But I used the man talk. A kid
apprenticed to movie tough guys,
I imitated the slurs of punch-drunk boxers,
spit hanging from my lip,
or the bound-for-hell curses of rednecks
at the Milner Matz lounge,
welts and scars on their cheeks.
I spat bruising words tongued in rail yards
where peroxide whores, numb from Mad Dog,
waited for Norfolk & Western brakemen."

I think that just about sums it up.

just wanted to take a sec and insist that everyone read running with scissors by augusten burroughs (if you haven't already; I'm years behind the curve on this one). I put aside ms. rand on a whim long enough to do so myself, and gee-whiz-wow. if you're the kind of person who gets offended by things like hunchbacks eating dog food, graphic descriptions of gay sex, and using bowel movements to predict the future, by all means read another tome. otherwise I can't recommend it enough. it's the most outlandish, horrifying, funny memoir I can imagine. it would be hard to believe in its veracity except for one thing: no sane person would make up a story like this. if nothing else it will make you thank your lucky stars for having a comparatively normal upbringing...no matter how twisted you think yours has been.

oh, and: I know this is awful, but does anyone else think that marcel marceau's tombstone should be blank? rest in peace.

this rules! raleigh and boone both participated this year; next year I say gso gets involved. who's in?

a bit late, but five thoughts on the emmys:

1) when did all these people get so old?
2) ryan seacrest is straight. here's why: it's so obvious that he ought to be gay that he circles back around to the other side of the spectrum. robbie williams does the same thing.
3) censor, schmensor. sally field should be able to say whatever she pleases on the air.
4) I never even watched "the sopranos," but I'm so glad it's over.
5) I promise, promise, promise to start watching "30 rock." I promise.

after several years of talking about doing it, I recently read ayn rand's the fountainhead. it is an excellent book. it is also a very dangerous book, and I think that objectivism is a dangerous philosophy. I mean that with all due respect. I'm champing at the bit to start atlas shrugged.

sorry so silent so long. busy is an understatement. I don't know what the hell's going on at my office. before long we'll start bringing sleeping bags to just camp out.

labor day weekend was great. it was my granny's 90th birthday party and many friends and relations were in attendance. pics posted.

I traded cedric the nissan maxima for eartha the cadillac seville two weeks ago. it was a good financial move; the maxima had held its value so well that the new payment is actually a lot lower. the seville is also three years newer and has less than half as many miles on the clock. twenty-six year old white guys driving cadillacs get the funniest looks. I love it. she's black and beautiful; I'll have to take some snaps.

would it be a bad idea to capture as many skunks as possible, de-scent them, and release them back into the wild? I'm all for it.

does anyone know what could cause windows XP to randomly start refusing to go on stand by? it's got a rogue agenda. I've posted on several tech forums to no avail. if you tell me to install linux I'll kick you in the nuts.

this may be the weirdest thing I've ever read.

the new imperial teen album is...well, I'm at a loss. I've always liked them, but this record catapults them into my personal stratosphere. insanely catchy, lyrically solid, and so tongue-in-cheek that it runs the risk of being taken seriously. it makes me want to grab people on the street and yell "buy the hair, the tv, the baby and the band right now, dammit!" surely they'd know what I meant.

the new rilo kiley album...jury's still out. need to give it a few more listens.

you know what I hate? when you go to sleep either mad or depressed, then you wake up and for a few seconds you think, "my! what a glorious day!" then you remember that you're supposed to be mad/depressed and it's like, "well, shit." hasn't happened recently, thankfully, but it does bite.

I don't want to hear about zac efron anymore. I just don't. I'm actually less sick of hearing about paris hilton.

so I love my honda and all, but I'm getting absurdly excited about the upcoming debut of the smart in america.


$15k fully loaded, 40+ mpg, and as safe as anything on the road. it'll be a few years before I trade cars I'm sure, but I may have my next one all picked out. you can bet I'll be at the "street smart" road show when they hit gso next month for a test drive.

pet peeve: being behind middle aged ladies at starbucks, walgreens, etc. who take EVERYTHING out of their voluminous purses to get to their money/cards, pay, and hold up the line while they stand there putting everything back in. it's even worse when the gals are over seventy...they usually pay with checks.

related note of etiquette: when making a deposit at a drive thru atm, pull over to the side if you have to endorse your checks, fill out the envelope, or what have you. once you have your shit together get back in the queue. that way people can conduct their business unimpeded in the meantime. I do it, but I'm nicer than most people.

I think that john d. macdonald is to contemporary fiction what carole king is to contemporary music. they've influenced everyone, they get lots of respect from other practitioners of the craft, and there's a 90% chance that whomever you ask on the street hasn't heard of them. I'm about to finish my first macdonald novel and am very favorably impressed.

I love adrienne barbeau and nicholas brendon. unfortunately I did not love unholy, which I recently got a chance to see. it tries so hard to make sense and just never does. it's like someone fed the script into a shredder, pulled half of it out of the bin, and taped it back together--wrong. the resulting hodgepodge was used to make the film. sadly I think that if it did make sense, it might have actually been worse.

people of the world: please don't say filthy-dirty. pick one or the other.

two things I can't understand paying for: cardboard boxes and clothes hangers. either can be readily obtained gratis with a minimum of effort.

here's the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. if you could be in just the right place under just the right circumstances, somewhere in the world there's a rich person that you could walk up to and say, "I'd like a million dollars, please." and they'd give it to you. maybe they're nuts, maybe they're impressed by your audacity. maybe they're walking along thinking, "I hate money. if someone asked me for a million dollars they could just have it." and if you came along presently, there you go. I honestly believe this.

speaking of crack brained ideas, here's my best one of late--a sort of time capsule. I'm going to get a year's subscription to mad magazine. when I get each issue I'm sealing it in a manila envelope, writing the date on it, and packing it away. in ten years I open them. seriously, old copies of mad are the best when it comes to encapsulating american pop culture.

take note, stephen king fans. forget bangor; greensboro is derry. I'm convinced, anyway.

two quick notes, both having to do with pictures:

several people asked me to let them know how the Great Hair Coloring of Ought-Seven turned out. I look like this now.



no, I'm not actually wearing it this spiky--it just looked good for the pic. and yes, I know it doesn't look natural. with these eyebrows, nothing but black would.



second note. for several weeks justin has been telling me about this unbelievable house he found after making a wrong turn, and today we went to see it. look at these and tell me it isn't...awe inspiring. I'm just glad that someone's taking the trouble to renovate it so painstakingly. if you know ANYTHING about this domicile, clue me in.

so yet another soldier has been discharged from fort bragg after appearing in a gay porn vid. this news prompted me to read the text of the u.s. policy concerning homosexuality in the armed forces. under the code, granted, the military has the right to discharge these guys. but I noticed an interesting thing: exceptions can be made if the man/woman can demonstrate that "such conduct is a departure from the member’s usual and customary behavior."

how does one do that, exactly?

"sarge, as you can see from my daily planner, I had sex with ladies one hundred and sixty-three times last calendar year, while I only boned a guy twice. each of my sexual partners has signed a notarized statement concerning the accuracy of these numbers. furthermore, my shrink will testify that, when it comes to guys, I only do it for the money."

just wondering. also, I haven't read any accounts of exactly what these discharged fellas were DOING on video. I am no fool--I've forgotten more skin flicks than most people will ever see, believe me. and in a lot of military themed amateur clips there is exactly one guy in front of the camera, all by his lonesome. ergo, no homosexual contact. therefore, while he may be knowingly titillating the minds of gay men, he is doing nothing to warrant a discharge under the law. I'll just believe that these former military men were doing work of the more...intense variety. thinking that they got canned for doing solo work would finally drive me over the border and into canada.

and on a slight tangent, is it fair to equate "homosexuality" with "homosexual acts?" on the one hand it's a no brainer. on the other, well. I still maintain that there's no such thing as clear cut sexual orientation. whatever the conscious mind tries to kid itself into thinking, it's all one shade of gray or another. that's not to say that one's orientation can be changed or controlled, far from it. I think that we just need to say that human beings like sex and leave it at that. just sex in general. it can be about love, it can be about one another's naughty bits, or it can just be about friction.

[author's note: these news stories rarely mention the name of the site causing all the flap, but most of us know which it is. and I'll tell you something. the site's webmaster still has soldiers lining up around the block to go on film. fuck you, uncle sam. oh, wait. that's against code.]

I ramble too much. so today I'm letting steven wright do it for me.

some of my favorite steven wright quotes:

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I hereby decree that "mony, mony" be regarded as the greatest song ever. don't argue with me. I only recently discovered that it was inspired not by a girl but by the sign on the Mutual Of New York building (which I can't find a good picture of, dammit--see midnight cowboy for a good view of it as it looked in 1968 when the song was released; in fast, see midnight cowboy anyway). that cemented its status for me.

incidentally, when I was a kid I thought that "mony" was a play on "mona," as in mona from "who's the boss." it made sense to me, since mona was all sexy and things.

wake it, shake it, mona mona.

[postscript: I see that in january of 2006 I stated that "harper valley p.t.a." was the greatest song ever. forget I said that.]

I'm glad that it takes children a few years to develop a real sense of irony. otherwise kids would be more vicious than dorothy parker ever was.

I love living in a world where I can download audio files of john cage's "4'33" for my listening pleasure. go ahead. download and listen.

is anyone else rankled by how many recent low brow comedy films use LPs--that's "little people" here, not long play records--for comic devices? am I the only person who thinks it's demeaning to LPs in general? I'm not one of those people who takes political correctness to extremes, but it seems wrong to me. besides, what's the big attraction? okay. they're smaller than the majority of the population. and?

yes, I got deathly hallows yesterday. no, I haven't finished it, nor have I started. I also picked up the audiobook, so I'm going to read it at work where I can more easily justify spending six hours plus per day on it. justin bought it at midnight, went home, and read constantly until last night when he finished, stopping only to eat and take a short nap. crazy fuck.

have you seen barefoot in the park? well, sometimes I'm so much like corie bratter that I can hardly stand myself. probably no one else can, either.

chocolate covered dried cherries are so superior to cherry cordials.

a rarely considered cardinal truth of life: horny men should not have access to credit cards.

I'm a big hypocrite. I always talk trash about the reality TV craze, and I went and got myself hooked on "the next food network star." seriously. I mean, it has the performance aspect of "american idol," the team building of "survivor," and the close quarters of "the real world." and the cast members are actually working constructively to better their lives, not just hog the series' spotlight. can't wait until sunday when they announce the winner!

speaking of TV, I knew when I saw the preview for "pushing daisies" that it HAD to be from the writers/creators of "wonderfalls." I was right. that bodes well.

happy belated fourth, all. ah, independence day! a time when, as Americans, our minds turn to the question of the ages: given the choice, would you rather have the body you've got or the body of your dreams--only your dream body would be covered with numerous moles? it's a tough one. maybe because I'm lucky enough to have very few moles, or maybe because I'm averse to moles in general.

edit to above: confused independence day with useless introspection week. my bad.

when people discuss stereotypically gay music, you can usually predict names that will come up. judy garland, madonna, billie holiday, bette midler. you hardly ever hear the carpenters or tori amos mentioned, and I've known more gay men into them than any of the usual suspects. could be a generational thing?

speaking of celebrity recipients of mass gay adoration, rose mcgowan rocks my world. yep.

my gigabeat is failing. battery time dropped from eight hours to five. am going to try and replace the battery myself. if I don't succeed, there goes my bankbook for a new device. seriously, I waste money on a lotta stuff, but a functional MP3 player is essential for my sanity. I still stand by the gigabeat as the ultimate, though. I've used mine an average of six hours a day, five days a week, for a year-ish. I doubt any of its competitors could have withstood any more. these friggin electronics companies make $300 pieces of equipment to be disposable, which really gets me steamed.

been hanging out with carra more lately. that's a very good thing.

I feel like I'm squandering my summer. I need to take advantage of more summer...well, stuff. the beach. wet n' wild. drooling over half naked joggers, all that sort of thing. of course all that would require waking up earlier. ugh. mebbe not.

have returned from the rock. lovely time, but too freakin hot even there. chetola was full, so we stayed at crestwood. even better. not so much a hotel as a country club with fifteen guest rooms. also reminiscent of kellerman's in dirty dancing. took a few pics with my amazing new canon sd1000. they are here-uh.

big endorsement here: if you're ever in the high country yourself, go to stonewall's in banner elk for a new york strip. best I've ever had. tell them I sent you. they'll look at you funny, I'll bet.

somehow I still haven't succeeded in killing the salvias.

saw 1408 tonight. not bad--say a 7 out of 10. didn't freak me out the way the story did, but the best stephen king adaptation in a while.

I don't know why I read trashy celeb gossip message boards. they never fail to piss me off. especially when folks start coming down on this male celeb or that, saying things like "he needs to work out" or "he's gotten really fat." nine times out of ten said famous guy has a body that I'd kill for. have any of these critics ever REALLY seen a fat person? evidently not.

if you have five minutes and thirty-four seconds to spare and haven't seen the film happiness, you should really watch this. I think it's my favorite opening scene from any movie ever. warning: contains oogy language and jon lovitz.

have lost ten pounds and counting. hope it's the elliptical and not the gypsy curse.

I promise to only say this once until fall: too damn hot here.

last week, bush said this of his upcoming Papal tete-a-tete:

"sometimes I'm not poetic enough to describe what it's like to be in the presence of the Holy Father. it is a moving experience."

um, georgie? you hadn't met this Pope yet. were you implying that if you've met one Holy See you've met em all? I can't be the only person who finds that quote odd. maybe it wouldn't seem so off kilter coming from a Catholic. or if I was Catholic myself. hmm.

if you don't ever use your computer to watch video (dvds, tv, etc) stop reading here. you'll get bored.


...okay, since you do, you should get this cute little piece of freeware called power click. download the files and put em wherever. open the program and go to "options." check "disable windows idle timer." right click on the red icon in your system tray and exit. put a shortcut to power click on your desktop, and there you go. whenever you click the shortcut your screensaver and power settings will be disabled until you exit power click. no more moving your mouse around to keep the video goin. this is a lifesaver to me, so I wanted to share.

shit. geico really does save people money on car insurance. I switched from allstate and am saving over $200 every six months...and my new policy cuts my deductibles in half, so I'll only be 50% as financially screwed if I wreck. for the first time I don't feel like my car insurance is a ripoff. I won't soon forget the bad old days--in the wake of my unfortunate accident--of paying through the nose for the privilege of driving the miata.

people saying "shut up" to express astonishment. I don't like it. "no way" was good enough for my generation, and I'm sticking to it.

why the hell haven't more people read cold comfort farm? it's that rare treasure: a quick, hilarious read that also has legitimate literary cred and historical value.

justin got his new job! yes, I know I haven't mentioned that he was in the market for one. you know how I am about jinxing things. choral director at graham high (not the one I attended, naturally). farther drive but better kids and a really strong program. the situation at eghs had become...strained. long story short, he made a good decision in leaving.

we're headed back to blowing rock in a couple of weeks. in light of economic issues--not the least of which is gas prices--we've scaled our vacation back from a two hour flight to a six hour drive to a three hour drive. I'm out of the office for a whole damn week, that's the important thing.

instant viewing on netflix rules. does blockbuster total access offer such a boon? no, they do not.

latest endorsement: neilmed sinus rinse. washing out your sinuses isn't the most pleasant thing to do, but it's great at getting rid of those pesky sinus headaches. and when you breathe it actually feels like more air's getting into your lungs. probably it is.

you know "the ghostbusters symbol?"


yeah, that's it. I can't believe that this oh-so-useful insignia is graced only with the official name "the no symbol." that's just not right. so join up with me in calling it the "negatrix." that's neh-gay-triks. I think it's much more appropriate and easier to throw out in conversation.

charo's real name is María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza de Rasten. yeah, I'd shorten it too.

I'm glad josh introduced me to extremely rare tuna steaks.

george washington had a dog named sweet lips. even then, could no one see how wrong that was?

my sinuses have gone on strike. I go around feeling like my aching head's attached to a string and floating about three feet above my neck.

it seems that, no matter how high gas prices go, many people are too stubborn to change their guzzling ways. it seems that desperate measures are needed, so I guess I'll start slashing the tires of SUVs . nah, that's not fair. first I'll find the owner and ask, "do you really need an SUV?" if I don't get a convincing argument, then I'll gut the goodyears. and leave a note explaining why. that seems just. I'll also include exoticars--ferraris, lotuses, and the like--just to be inclusive.

seriously, what gets me here in the south are the number of two wheel drive SUVs. I mean, just what the hell is the point? minivans were good enough for that set in the eighties; what happened?

and speaking of conservation, be proud: I've cut out my pre-work starbucks run. not so much about the money, though. I just discovered that my beverage of choice contains 330 calories and 13 grams of fat. by contrast, the pseudo-lattes I at make home to put in my travel mug run about 180 and 4. every little bit helps, I suppose.

I have a new hobby that I'm incredibly excited about. I've started collecting antique postcards with pictures of insane asylums on them. you'd be surprised what a popular postcard subject mental hospitals used to be. I've got the first two in my album and have two more on the way. when I get a few more I'll scan pics of them into my online gallery.

I'm in the process of upgrading this blog to take advantage of all the "new" blogger stuff that I'm behind on. don't worry if you hate the way it looks now--I'm not too fond of it, myself. it's a work in progress.

I'd been considering creating a separate blog with a more specific purpose than this one. I gave up the idea when I found this site that does pretty much exactly what I'd intended. shoulda known someone would beat me to it.

you know those little quik-brite lights they advertise on tv? well, they really are that great. my car finally has illumination in the glovebox.

if you're reading this and haven't seen it--as I'd say most people haven't--rent the movie black cadillac and tell me if it sucks you in the way it did me. maybe because it watches like a film version of a christopher pike book.

speaking of books and guys named christopher, I've become a disciple of christopher moore. I've read bloodsucking fiends and you suck and found them both excellent. don't go into one of his books expecting some highbrow modern miracle of literature. go in expecting to have a helluva good time. clever, quick, and most of all funny. you may laugh until you pee. you've been warned.

I bought flowers to brighten up the front porch. help me hope that they live. I have a black thumb rather than a green one. I bought salvias because I read somewhere that impatiens were tacky. I don't remember where or if the source was trusted, but I'm very suggestible like that. I once changed my facial cleanser because I knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who said that it dried out her skin.

dammit, why can't the u.s. have a channel like this? canada is so cool.

a lot of convenience stores don't carry eye drops. this is odd to me.

in case it was keeping you up nights worrying, the new coffee table is up in here. southpark's new crate and barrel is the bomb.

I'm still the last of the red hot bloggers. I've just been workin hard and stayin tired.

I'm proud to say that this organization is n.c. based. check em out.

went to the d.c. area recently and had a swank time. I hung out in arlington, falls church, and bethesda. never once did I set foot above ground in the district itself. bizarre.

I can't believe how I'm obsessing over choosing a new coffee table for the living room. it makes me feel materialistic and un-Quaker. starving children in indiana and I'm moaning about how that particular oval cocktail table comes in mahogany but not espresso. I think I just need psychological reassurance that my life is stable enough that I can obsess about a coffee table. well, it's cheaper than therapy.

speaking of coffee, know what I miss most about college? if I got bored and wanted to go out for coffee, I could find someone to tag along. didn't matter when, one friend or another would be free. I didn't have to call around and make plans a week ahead, and no big production was made out of it. we just went. you know?

also on coffee and other food type things, I need to rant. if you're going to order from a drive-thru window, you should not have questions. take starbucks, for example. if you need to know what the difference is between a latte and a cappuccino, what kind of "kids' drinks" they have, how many shots go into a venti, ANYTHING--go inside. when you pull up to the speaker and open your mouth, what needs to come out is your order. if you feel the need to say anything else, inside. if you need to take a minute to decide on what you want, okay. by all means. but if you're gonna strike up a dialogue, inside. the drive-thru is for people in a hurry. by making your time there inordinately long you are defeating the purpose. you're holding up other customers. being a bad person, in other words. does asking questions at the drive-thru mean that you're more likely to go to Hell in the afterlife? it wouldn't surprise me. would hitler have had questions at the drive-thru? probably. do you really want to go to Hell? do you want to be the next hitler? I didn't think so. hurry = drive-thru. questions = inside. there, I'm done.

wha? wha...ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! hhhheeeehaaaaahaaaaahoooowhooooohaaaa! and dare I say, rotf (lmao).

according to scott stapp's lawsuit against world wide red light district, the released footage of his 1999 sex tape caused him to suffer "loss of reputation."

that is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

want to be a member of a really exclusive club? netflix/otherwise rent wonderfalls on dvd. it's the most original tv series I know of, which is probably why only four episodes ever aired (the dvds contain the entire, mostly unaired first season--13 episodes). or, if you live in my neck of the woods, I'm all about weekend wonderfalls watching parties at my place.

why don't wal-mart employees understand that restocking the shelves does NOT have to involve blocking the entire aisle?

this is the greatest idea I've heard about in a while.

I've never thought of myself as a type A personality. I'm starting to wonder.

I've never thought of myself as being very much like my dad. wondering about that, too.

ben and jerry's cinnamon rolls ice cream is the best thing I've ever tasted. seriously.

been reading more dean koontz. more hondas, more interior design. I'm going to go through his novels, compile data on those topics, and arrange it into a spreadsheet.

about a year ago I speculated that I was in the throes of a quarter life crisis. I did so in a somewhat smirking fashion, however, as is my way when I'm not quite serious. see this? this is me now, NOT smirking. does this mean I have to run away and join the peace corps?

I never would have guessed watching "the mary tyler moore show" that ed asner was a left wing activist.

talk about something being funny because it's true.

I've recently discovered the wonder that is annie ross. well, I already knew her as mrs. hazeltine from throw momma from the train ("dive! dive! yelled the captain through the thing). and as tess trainer from short cuts, where I got a sampling of her vocal talent. but this babe's career as a jazz vocalist began in the fifties--the EARLY fifties. and she's still got it. in fact, she performs at the metropolitan room in nyc every tuesday night. I'm so tempted to fly up just for that reason.

whenever anyone mentions norman mailer I get really irritated. I've never read him; I just do.

I was all set to haul ass for savannah this year when I found out that st. patty's day was on saturday. then I find out they scheduled the stinkin parade for yesterday maybe next year I'll just take a few days off.

warmer weather should be here to stay soon. here's a shocker: this year I'm going to put out flowers. I give them two weeks. I have a black thumb.

the neon bible is an excellent book. I wish I could have written like that at sixteen. or that I could now.

in bedknobs and broomsticks, emelius browne lives in a posh london mansion that he doesn't own. the manse's rightful owners have fled--along with the rest of the neighborhood--due to a massive unexploded bomb in the street directly in front of it. browne loves the bomb because it enables him "to live like a king;" he stays put despite its constant threat.

I wish that I didn't see his situation as such a perfect metaphor for my life.

more introspection: is it possible to feel ashamed of an action without regretting it? the more I think of it, the more I think it is.

digging daylight savings time. it's lovely to see the slant of the setting sun paint the top eighth of my cubicle walls orange.

the boone/blowing rock trip was a smashing success. I had no idea how picturesque the area is; it reminds me of pictures I've seen of aspen. the mountains are just a bit less pointy. turns out there actually are ski slopes in nc, too--wasn't sure I believed it. lots of cute shops and cafes. best of all, we woke up to actual SNOW on sunday morning. a few pics are here.

okay, folks. toshiba is doing a crap marketing job, so I guess it's up to me. now hear this: at amazon.com, the toshiba gigabeat MES60VK is now $229.99. that's a 60 GB media player. for less than a 30 GB ipod. not to mention that it's the superior device anyway. why the hell isn't toshiba plugging these babies?! I mean, I know that they were busy developing the zune...which is more expensive and the size of a small suitcase in comparison. trust me, people. if you're in the market, get a gigabeat.

dean koontz is an excellent novelist, but he writes entirely too much about furniture. I'm all about character development, but I just don't need to know how many coats of lacquer were hand applied to the protagonist's cherry wood armoire by capuchin monks ten thousand years ago. the man should have been an interior designer. and what's up with the hondas? can I read one dean koontz book where someone doesn't drive a honda?

I can't figure out why my car smells like a mixture of sulfur and b.o. I'm not in the habit of not showering and then repeatedly striking matches in it. and no, I haven't used valet parking in quite some time.

finally saw notes on a scandal. it was just as good as I'd been told. finally saw infamous. it wasn't. to each his own. I mean, it was okay, but...maybe if I hadn't seen capote first.

yonder lies the trip to blowing rock. hopefully it won't rain; it's been bad for that lately. I didn't authorize it, either. someone didn't fill out the proper forms.

is it weird that one of my life's ambitions is to move to pittsburgh? seriously, in my opinion pittsburgh's pretty freakin sweet. great indie scene (both music and film), nice museums, actual winter weather, and a truly awesome landscape--mount washington overlooking the three rivers and downtown. not to mention cheap as hell to live there, provided you can find gainful employment. I haven't been for a visit in almost four years, which is four years too long. one day. just you wait.

I hate living in a world where some dumb broad shaves her head and it makes headlines. but I guess once you start taking the hair off of certain areas of your body it could get addictive and spread to others. kinda like tattoos.

remember the video game burger time? that shit was hard.

I'm so sick of time warner jacking up cable prices that I'm thinking about switching to satellite, directv probably. thoughts?

I love that daylight savings time is starting earlier. what I won't love is resetting all the electronics in the house that ordinarily set themselves and will later become confused and require further resetting.